A New Version of Us: Senior Year Revisited
by erin210
Summary: This is my version of how Felicity and Ben's senior year should have gone. I do not own these characters so no copyright infringement is intended. This is simply my way of expressing my love for my favorite couple ever, Felicity and Ben.
1. Default Chapter

July 2001  
  
Ben entered his small dorm room after yet another long day of EMT training and classes. He was exhausted, but he felt increasingly proud of himself for coming to Kansas City and beginning the pursuit of a career. He never would have thought that emergency medicine would be an interest of his, but it just felt right and that made him feel good. Nothing had ever felt right for him, well, except for being with Felicity, which always made him feel complete. But he meant in terms of studying and college, he moaned at the thought of how many years he had wasted, not declaring a major or having a focused path to work towards. He hoped this new focus would make him feel better about his plans, that he would indeed have a future with Felicity.  
  
He often marveled at the fact that he was still in a committed relationship with her, she never ceased to amaze him and fill him with complete and utter joy. She was the best thing that ever happened to him that he was sure of. But, he had almost lost her and for that he would always feel horrible. He still wondered why he had gone to South Hampton with Avery. When he thought about what he put Felicity through, he cringed and was disgusted with himself. He had told her that it was because he felt a connection to Avery, since he had seen her brought back to life. But he knew that wasn't all of it. He wondered why he couldn't tell her the whole truth, sometimes he was just afraid of what she'd say, of losing her. He shook his head, filled with regret. He knew now going with Avery had been a bad decision, an awful mistake. And he had hurt Felicity, which is something he never wanted to do. . He sat down at his desk and started to put his books away for the night. He sat there for some time, sorting through his thoughts. He often did this, sat and thought about why he felt certain ways or did certain things. And with this situation, he knew it was related to how he never quite understood why Felicity loved him as much as she does, despite what to him seemed like overwhelming flaws. There was the fact he had kept this academic probation from her, which he still felt horrible about. And he felt that his lack of a future plan, as her mother's recent visit had pointed out, was disappointing to her. The mere thought that he was a disappointment to her was overwhelming, he wanted so much to make her proud of him. But he was not sure he knew how.  
  
He would never forget how in awe he was of her when she showed up at South Hampton and declared her love for him. He remembered standing there in utter shock, at how intense her feelings for him were, at how she would follow him all that way just to tell him that she loved him. He was speechless, and he had no idea how to respond. He couldn't believe what he had said, that he was still confused. A voice inside him told him to grab her and tell her that he loves her, too and that he is so amazed by her, but so scared she is disappointed in him. That she wishes he was smarter or had a plan in life.  
  
But, he didn't. She had gone and he was left there with a thousand thoughts racing through his head, all about her and how incredible he thought she was. But how he feared that his love for her wasn't enough. He feared he would let her down, that he would hurt her. And yet that is what he had done by coming there with Avery and being so confused. When all he needed to do was share with her his concerns and they could work it out. They still had not really talked about all that had happened. He had decided to leave for this training and they were spending yet another summer apart. "How did this happen?", Ben wondered. He never wanted to be away from her again.  
  
And the next time he saw her he was determined to talk to her about all of his worries and just have faith that she would still love him. He needed to empty out his soul to his true love, he needed that so badly. Sometimes he didn't even know how he had lived before he met her. He trusted her completely. And he had decided something the other day, that despite all his fears, he was certain of one thing- that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He will tell her simply that he loves her and no matter how scared he is sometimes, he knows that he is safe and a much better person because of her. So, he decided to do it, to take the big plunge, and ask Felicity to marry him.  
  
It was a huge decision, but he knew in his heart that it was right and what he wanted more than anything. He knew what she would say, too, or at least he was fairly certain he knew what she'd say. Other times he feared her response, but after he told her all that was in his heart, about how he has a plan now and that he loves her so completely, she would tell him "yes" very happily. And then the life that he had always wanted could begin.  
  
Ben pulled open his desk drawer slowly. He smiled when he saw the box inside, it always made him smile because he knew with all his heart that this is what he wanted- to make Felicity his wife. He opened the box, and looked at the ring. It was not as big as he had hoped for, since he was not exactly wealthy, and only a student, but he still felt it was perfect. It was a simple diamond ring, but it was picked with such love and he knew that she would love it. Now, he thought, when will I ask her?  
  
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"Noel! Stop it! Of course, you will find a job, you just have to keep looking, "said Felicity as she sat at the counter eating a bowl of cereal. Noel had just told her he is afraid he would never find a job in NY, that he felt his only chance for a good career had vanished when the job in Seattle fell through.  
  
"I just don't know what else to do, I have sent my resume to every graphic design and advertising firm in this city and still no job offers. I am beginning to think no one wants me," Noel said with a dejected look on his face.  
  
Felicity looked at him with exasperation and said "Noel, that is ridiculous. Don't let the job search start making you feel bad about yourself. It's just not worth it. Just keep doing what you are doing, and something good will come your way. I am sure of it."  
  
"Really? You think so?" asked Noel with a small smile on his face.  
  
"Of course, I am serious. I know you, and I know that you can do anything you set your mind to. You just have to be patient, that's all, said Felicity as she stood up to put the cereal bowl in the sink. "Now, can we please change the subject?"  
  
Noel smiled at her, with a lovesick expression on his face as she turned away from him. "Sure. So what do you want to do today? You want to go to a movie or something?"  
  
"A movie, no. You need to get back out on the streets and pound the pavement looking for a job. And I promised Professor Morton I would help her with a project at the museum, "Felicity said as she grabbed her coat. As she turned back, she caught Noel staring at her.  
  
"Are you liking that job, I mean working at the museum? I never thought you'd do something like that," said Noel.  
  
"What do you mean? I love museums and I love art, so it's the perfect thing. Plus, I just loved working with her last summer. We got to work with Quincy Calhoun, this amazing artist. And this summer I'm having a blast and learning so much, "she said emphatically. She didn't like that Noel kept badgering her about this job helping Professor Morton, it was like he was annoyed she had a job to do and couldn't spend every moment with him. And now she was somewhat uncomfortable, having seen him staring at her. "Besides, it keeps me busy and that helps with missing Ben and all."  
  
Noel rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in frustration. "Ugh, there's that word again-Ben. I thought you weren't going to mention him every single conversation we have."  
  
"Of course I will mention him every time we talk, he is my boyfriend and I love him. You know that. Plus, all I said was I wouldn't just talk about him. I know that can get pretty boring," she said with a big grin, as she thought about her handsome Ben.  
  
"Fine, go ahead and leave, enough about Ben. It makes me cringe, too much love talk," said Noel as he got up and headed into his room.  
  
Felicity left the loft and started to walk towards the subway. As she walked she thought about Ben, and what he was doing this moment. Was he studying or in class? Did he miss her as much as she missed him? Sometimes she had no idea how she functions with him so far away from her. She longs to come home to him and be held in his strong arms. But here they are, spending another summer apart. She sighed when she thought about their separation. But it made her proud to think of him off pursuing this EMT training. She felt certain when he told her about it, that it was something he really wanted to do. Yet part of her had wanted to ask him to stay, but she knew that wasn't right. But why hadn't she gone with him? She knows she said she felt she'd be in his way and that they wouldn't have any time together, but at least she could sleep next to him each night. Sleeping in his bed all alone was so lonely, she missed waking up in the middle of the night and seeing his arms around her. He always did that, reached for her, as if she were his security blanket. And he was hers, she thought with a smile.  
  
But they had come so close to losing it all, she thought as she waited for the subway. He had gone to South Hampton with Avery and she had feared that she was losing him. When he had not returned with her, she had to admit she was very hurt, she thought that meant he was confused about his love for her. But then he had returned and told her he had only been confused about the experience he had with Avery, watching her be brought back to life. And she knew now he was likely thinking about the paramedics and how amazing it was to watch them bring Avery back. She knew he had been searching for some purpose in life, even if he hadn't ever mentioned it to her. She suspected he felt like he lacked in comparison to Noel, because of how her mother had acted. But she hoped he knew that she never compared him to Noel. Noel is just her friend and Ben, he could do anything, whatever he wanted in life and she would be happy to stand by him as he did it. She had such faith in him, and just hoped he had the same.  
  
She did think sometimes about their love for each other and whether Ben was having second thoughts. She knew that was silly, but when he went away with Avery and was so upset about his test, she feared the worst, that he didn't love her anymore. But she knew that was because she never quite believed how lucky she had gotten, that she was actually in love with and dating the man of her dreams. She couldn't believe that after following him to NY like some stalker, he had fallen in love with her. She was amazed at how much he seemed to adore her and she often felt she was dreaming when she saw the look of love in his eyes as he gazed at her. So she knew in her heart that he loved her, but she worried he had some fear, a fear that he had not shared with her. She had thought often of just asking him, but stopped out of fear it would upset him, to hear her ask if he was afraid. He still held a lot inside of him, he had gotten better at sharing parts of himself with her, but she knew there were still things on his mind that he had not revealed. She could see it in how he sat and stared at the TV, yet had no actual awareness of what was going on the show he was watching. She figured he had a lot to think about, with all that he had gone through as a child and with how poorly he had left things with his dad.  
  
As she entered the museum, she thought to herself, "only eight more hours until I can call him and see how his day went." Ben's voice...just thinking about it brought a smile to her face. She had been thinking of a trip to Kansas City to surprise him, but had not selected a date yet, as every day he was so busy and she didn't want to interrupt his studies. But, she really needed to see him, Noel was driving her crazy and she just wanted to be in Ben's arms, where she always felt safe. 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter 2  
  
Ben sat at his desk, intently studying one of his EMT manuals. It was getting late, but he was waiting for Felicity's call. They always call each other at 9pm, which is 8pm his time in Kansas City. He really has enjoyed his classes, they were interesting and he felt like he was learning a lot. They were going to start a clinical rotation soon, which meant he would be working with a paramedic squad and observing how they do their job. He was a bit nervous, but he really wanted to see how all he was learning in class is used in the real world. Felicity had been so excited for him when he told her he was really enjoying his training. She had giggled outright when he said he could picture himself doing it. When he asked her why she was laughing, she had responded "Oh, Ben. It's not that I think it's funny, I just can't imagine helping you train for this. Can you picture us practicing CPR? We would never be able to do it, we would end up making out. It's good that I didn't come with you, because you'd never get any practice in." He laughed to himself when he thought of their conversation and what he had said next, "Oh, but that would be so much fun, I can totally picture what we would do and how I would touch you. I would kiss you on your neck, right below your ear, and you'd shiver, just like you always do," he whispered in his sexiest voice.  
  
God, he missed her and he could not wait to touch her again, to hold her in his arms. He thought back to the one summer they had been able to spend together, their two week road trip across the country. He had been so happy and excited to see her get out of the cab, knowing she was coming with him. They had spent that day talking and catching up on what they had missed in each other's lives. He could remember how relaxed she became and when she reached over and took his hand, he felt a chill race through him. He had felt that sensation the first time he kissed her, this overwhelming force that what was happening was what should be happening, that he was meant to be with her. That night when they got to the hotel, she had been sort of nervous when she got into bed with him. He could tell she was wondering what would happen, but he wasn't worried, he just knew that he wanted to kiss her.  
  
"Hey, you okay?" Ben asked, as he touched her shoulder gently.  
  
"Yeah, just tired. Uh...are you? I mean, tired?" she said nervously.  
  
"No, not really," he said and grinned shyly at her. "Hey, look at me," he said as he took her chin in his hand. "You don't need to be nervous, we are just laying here together. It feels good, doesn't it?"  
  
"Yeah, it does," she said with a small laugh. "I can't believe I am doing this, but yes, it feels good."  
  
"I always wondered what this would be like. You know I thought about it, right" he said as he looked at her questioningly and saw her shake her head. "I did. Come here," he said as he moved her face close to his.  
  
He kissed her and all the way to his toes he felt this tingle, and he hoped she felt it, too. She felt so good, her hair smelled amazing and he was so in awe of her. As he lay there kissing her, he thought, this is right, this is where I should be. He moved his hand gently to her back and felt her shiver at his touch and smiled. He looked at her a moment and then captured her lips once more. They lay there kissing for a long time, touching each other's bodies hesitantly, looking for permission, as their passion grew deeper. Then he felt her pull away.  
  
"What? Is this too much?"  
  
"No, well, I don't know, I just don't want to move to fast. I don't think we should, well, you know....at least not now....okay?" she said quietly, looking at him with a bit of fear in her eyes.  
  
"Yeah, I know. I never meant for anything more to happen, I just really wanted to kiss you again. We can stop now, we won't do anything that you aren't comfortable with, okay? I am just so happy you are here with me, " Ben said sweetly.  
  
"Yeah, me too. This is ....great, "Felicity said with a shy giggle.  
  
"Come here," he said as he took her into his arms. He touched her face and stroked her cheeks as he gazed at her. "We'll try to go to sleep. And tomorrow we will get back on the road and we can stop wherever you want, we will do anything you want, okay?"  
  
"That sounds perfect. Thank you," she said with a much more relaxed tone. "Good night, I hope we can both sleep."  
  
"Me, too....."  
  
Ben was startled out of his reverie by the phone ringing. He grabbed it quickly. "Hello?" he said, even though he knew who it was on the other end.  
  
"Hey, what took you so long? I thought you had fallen asleep on me!" Felicity said with a laugh.  
  
"Nah, I was just daydreaming," Ben said.  
  
"Oh yeah, about who?"  
  
"Hmmm....well let's see, it was about a girl with the most beautiful curly hair I have ever seen and she has this smile that makes me melt. And the most amazing lips I have ever kissed," Ben said as he laughed. "Seriously, I was thinking about our road trip, the first night, when we got to the hotel and we were laying in bed...you know..."  
  
"Oh yes, I remember, you were trying to steal my virtue..." she said with a serious tone in her voice.  
  
"I was not! I told you we would wait and go slow. I never would push you...." Ben said strongly.  
  
"I know, I know, I'm just kidding you. That was a pretty amazing night. I remember lying there unable to sleep for the longest time because I could feel you next to me. A lot of not so innocent thoughts came into my mind."  
  
Ben laughed and said, "God, I miss you. When do I get to see you again?"  
  
"In about six more weeks, at the end of August. You know that."  
  
"I know, it just seems like it is never getting here, you know? So, what did you do today? Anything fun?" Ben asked as he laid down on his bed, taking a picture of the two of them off the bookshelf to look at as he talked to her.  
  
"Oh, just went to the museum and helped Professor Morton out with a project. It was okay, but I kept thinking about you and I was so distracted, she finally told me to go on home. Then, Noel wanted to go out to do something and got mad that I didn't want to. He is really starting to get on my nerves," she said.  
  
"Really? How come? Did anything happen?"  
  
"No, it's not that, it's just he keeps wanting to hang out and then spends all his time complaining about not finding a job or not having a girlfriend. And he gets mad when I want to talk about you. I don't know, I mean, his friendship is really important to me, but I have this feeling that he still...well, that he still may, you know...." she said reluctantly.  
  
"Have feelings for you? You know he probably does, right? I mean, he, he hasn't been out on a date for a long time. But, I know that everything will be okay because all you have to do is tell him you are madly in love with me and he will leave you alone, at least he better. Or I will have to come home and teach him a lesson."  
  
Felicity laughed and said, "I don't know, Ben, maybe this is too much on him. I mean he has been a great friend to me and I appreciate that and I want to be a good friend to him in return, but spending all this time with him, it has me thinking..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"That sometimes when he smiles at me, he wishes things were different and I can't and won't give him that. I mean, he has to know that I love you and he is only my friend, but sometimes I am just not so sure. I don't think he means anything bad by it, and I don't want to hurt him, but I don't know, he just makes me uncomfortable sometimes."  
  
"Well, if that's the case, then you need to talk to him about it."  
  
"Yeah, I know you're right, I just don't know how," she said sadly. "Enough about that, how was your day? Did you learn anything new?"  
  
"Oh, only that I love my girlfriend more every day and that I can't wait to touch her and hold her again," Ben said lovingly.  
  
"Oh, Ben, I love you, too. But, I am so proud of you, you are really doing so well and I know that must make you happy. When do you start working with the paramedics?"  
  
"Next week actually. I'm pretty nervous, but I guess that's normal. I just don't want to mess up," he said.  
  
"Ben, you won't mess up. Just think, you will be able to see all that you are learning about and then get to try it yourself. You will do great, I am sure of it. You can do anything you want, you just have to put your all into it. I am certain you will be the best paramedic ever."  
  
"Thank you. You know, you amaze me. I don't know how I got so lucky. You are just so...I don't know, amazing. And I love you so much."  
  
"I love you, too. Now, you go on back to studying. But you better get to bed soon, okay?"  
  
"Yes, maam. Will do. You get some sleep, too, okay?"  
  
"I will. I miss you," Felicity said sadly.  
  
"I miss you, too." Ben said and then hung up the phone. He then sat looking at her picture and wondered to himself, what did I ever do to deserve her?  
  
Back in New York, Felicity hung up the phone sadly. It felt so good to talk to Ben about her worries about Noel. Today had been so uncomfortable for her. Noel had been so insistent on going somewhere together, she had finally given in and gone to get ice cream with him. While they were there, he had touched her shoulder. She was certain at the time that he had just meant it as a friend, but she wasn't sure anymore. He had been looking at her so weirdly lately, and she almost felt like it was a look she had seen before, like back in freshman year. She shook her head and tried to get the thoughts out of her head. Noel knew they were just friends, she was sure he knew that. Just because he had told her towards the end of the school year last year that he loved her, doesn't mean that he wasn't over that by now. They had spent plenty of time together since and he had made no more remarks. She just needed to let it go, there were other things to focus on, like her upcoming senior year. She was starting to get worried about what she would do with her art major. But she knew that was normal, she was about to graduate and that is scary. But she knew everything would work out, because she had Ben by her side. Still, she thought, what is going on with Noel. She was still thinking about that when she finally got into bed that night. 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter 3  
  
Felicity entered the loft, tired after a long day of working at the museum. When she entered the apartment, the first thing she noticed was the smell of spaghetti sauce cooking on the stove and candles lit around the room. She called out, "Noel? Noel, are you here? What is going on?"  
  
"I'll be out in a minute, just getting changed. Have a seat, and relax. Our dinner is almost ready, "Noel said eagerly.  
  
"Noel, why are there candles everywhere? I mean, why are you cooking me dinner? We could've just had left overs," Felicity said as she sat down on the sofa, with a look of growing concern on her face.  
  
"I wanted to make you something special for working so hard on your project at the museum and for all your encouragement. And I think I found a job today," Noel said as he came out of his room, dressed nicely in a button up shirt and dress pants. He had been so anxious for her to get home and to impress her with his thoughtfulness.  
  
"Well, it is nice and all, but you really didn't have to do that," Felicity said as she noticed how Noel was dressed, and stood up from the sofa to grab a bottle of water.  
  
"No, no water. Tonight calls for wine," he said as he grabbed the bottle off the counter and poured her a glass.  
  
"Uh....okay. But this is weird, I mean, can we blow out some of these candles?"  
  
"You can do whatever you want, but I think the candles are nice and lend the right atmosphere don't you think?"  
  
Felicity was becoming more and more uncomfortable with this situation but realized that Noel was not going to let her get out of eating the meal, so she asked, "How much longer until we eat?"  
  
"About ten minutes or so. Why don't you sit down and I will check on the pasta. I will bring the salad out first."  
  
"Salad? Please, don't tell me we have dessert, too?" Felicity asked as she sat down at the table, which had fresh flowers at the center.  
  
"Oh, yes, chocolate cake. Isn't that your favorite?"  
  
"Uh...no, not really, but it's good, I guess...." Felicity said, with growing apprehension.  
  
"Well, get ready for the best spaghetti you ever had," he said with a big grin on his face as he sat down in front of her.  
  
Meanwhile, in Kansas City, Ben had just finished his last class for the day and was headed to grab an early dinner with his roommate, Matt. They had gotten along real well since he came to town, and actually enjoyed playing basketball together whenever they had the chance. Matt had a girlfriend back home in Philadelphia, so they often talked about how much they missed their girlfriends. Ben was excited today because tomorrow he would start his observations of the EMT squad, and he was very interested in what sort of medical situations they would encounter. He had been reading a lot of books about medical terminology to get prepared for what might be a confusing day. He didn't want to have to ask a lot of questions, and he wanted to know all he could about the potential situations they would come across. He had even been going to the library and reading extra books, just to make sure he knew all that he could. It filled him with pride to know he had finally found something he liked, and he only hoped he'd be good at it in reality, when he had his practical work experience. "So, hey, tell me more about Felicity. What does she study again?" Matt asked as they waited for their food at the fast food restaurant.  
  
"She is an art major, she loves to paint and draw. She actually had this amazing piece for sale at this art show at school last year. I bought it actually, it is hanging in my room back home," Ben said with a smile on his face as he thought about his lady.  
  
"Wow, that's cool. What was it of?" Matt asked.  
  
"Well, it was actually of a guy running into a wall. I know, it seems odd. But it really reminded me of me sometimes. Just how stupid I can be, not thinking or acting right, you know what I mean?"  
  
"Yeah, I do. I think we are all like that sometimes, especially because we are still young. So, what are you going to get your degree in? You said you hadn't declared a major yet, right?" Matt asked.  
  
"No, no I haven't. But I was thinking about what classes I have taken and what I want to take next year, and I think I could get enough credits in to get a health science degree."  
  
"Yeah? What would you do then, pre-med?"  
  
"What? No way, man. I could never do pre-med, that, that is like crazy," Ben said with a quick dismissive shake of his head.  
  
"Why not? So what, you would have to do some more classes, but why not? You seem to enjoy this paramedic training, you might make a good doctor."  
  
"No way, man. I can't even fathom the idea of more school. I can barely make it through my classes as it is. I just want to graduate and then see what Felicity wants to do, where we will go, you know," Ben said.  
  
"Wow, so you think you two will make the big commitment? The next step?" Matt asked with a grin.  
  
"Oh, I don't know, maybe. I don't know, I mean I'd like to think so, but that kinda depends on how I do here. I mean, this is sort of my one shot at getting my act together. I want to make her proud, you know? Then maybe I can think about the future without being, I don't know, too nervous, you know what I mean, man?"  
  
"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean," Matt said as they ate their dinner.  
  
Later, after they returned to their dorm room, Ben sat at his desk looking at a picture of Felicity from their road trip. He was so amazed by how beautiful she is, how her smile brings this huge grin on his face. Jus thinking about how she giggles when he tickles her feet at night, made him laugh. He sighed, as he thought back to the first time he had tickled her, on the day they had a picnic next to a small lake outside St. Louis. It was the third day of their road trip and they were having so much fun together....  
  
"Ben! Stop it! I mean it, stop! You are going to make me throw up all that we ate if you keep it up!" Felicity said as she tried to move away from Ben, who kept persisting in tickling her belly.  
  
"Ugh, I don't want that. I just like to hear you laugh, you don't do it that often. Plus, I am having too much fun, aren't you?" Ben said with a huge sly grin.  
  
"Yes, yes. We are having fun. Now can it stop being at my expense please?"  
  
"Okay, okay. There, I stopped. So now what? You want to walk around the lake a bit?"  
  
"Sure, that sounds nice," she said as Ben stood and took her hand. She stood up and they began to walk around the lake.  
  
"It's really beautiful here, and the flowers are so nice, can't you smell them?" she said as they walked along, hand in hand.  
  
"Yeah, I smell them. But I like the way you smell better," as he stopped to nuzzle her neck.  
  
"Ben,...we were walking..." Felicity said as she tried to pull away from him, as she noticed a family approaching them on the path.  
  
"Oh, come on, they don't care," he said as he tried to kiss her again.  
  
"Not now, Ben. Can we wait until we get back to our blanket, okay, where we are kind of hidden?"  
  
"Okay then, let's get going," he said as he grabbed her hand and took off at a run.  
  
Both Felicity and Ben were giggling uncontrollably as they approached their picnic site. Ben took her in his arms and kissed her passionately as they fell to the ground. Their kiss grew more intense as Ben started to touch her back and put his fingers inside the small straps of her tank top. Felicity was caught up in the moment and did not notice at first when Ben's hand started to creep it's way up her shirt until he was touching her breast. She let out a small moan and they continued to kiss with a longing that she had never felt before. She could not believe she was in his arms and he was touching her. Ben felt her start to squirm a bit as he touched her breast through her bra, but she did not move away, so he continued to caress her. God, she felt amazing, he thought as he kissed her neck. He felt her touch him lightly on his butt and moaned when she moved her hand away from his face to grab him gently with both hands. As their kissing continued, they both began to pant faintly and he felt her start to quiver as he gently touched her nipples as he moved his kisses to her neck and shoulders. The last thing he ever wanted to do was stop, but then suddenly they heard a child's voice ask "hey, is that my ball?"  
  
Ben looked to their left and saw that the young boy's soccer ball had landed right next to him. He looked down at Felicity who had turned bright red and was trying to pull her shirt down a bit, as she looked at him with embarrassment.  
  
"Yeah, here it is buddy. Have fun," Ben said as he threw the ball back to the child, who took off running and said to his family across the field, "hey, those two were making it out over here...."  
  
Ben laughed, but Felicity sighed and grumbled, "I can't believe this! I am so embarrassed!" as she covered her face with her hands.  
  
"Hey, hey, it's okay," he said as he took her face in his hands, uncovering it and rubbing his fingers gently over her cheeks. "It's okay, it's no big deal. I'm sure he has seen far worse on TV. Hey, look at me, it's not a big deal. We were just enjoying each other. It was fun, wasn't it?"  
  
"Yeah, yes...it was fun, I mean,...well, god Ben, I can't believe the things you have me doing. Making out under a tree where anyone can see," she said with a small smile creeping on her face.  
  
"Well, I think it's great. And just what I always wanted to do with you, since the first moment I saw you," he said as he started to stand up to get their stuff packed.  
  
"Really? I mean, you wanted to, I mean all that time, you wanted that?"  
  
"Yeah, I was just too chicken to say anything. You kind of scared me, you know? But then when I came to your dorm that night I was beat up, I just started to feel like maybe I had a chance with you. You were so nice to me and you looked so beautiful, I decided then that I was a fool for being with Julie, when I really wanted you," Ben said as he grabbed her hand and brought it to his face and kissed it gently.  
  
"Ben...I had no idea. I didn't know that, I really didn't. I really can't believe it, you have to know that I thought I was completely insane for following you to NY and then you ending up with my best friend. It was so....."  
  
"Odd? Yeah, I know," Ben said as he led her back to their car. "But it's all over now, we are together and having a great time. I am so happy you came with me. We are going to have so much fun...."  
  
Ben was brought back to reality by the phone ringing. It was too early to be Felicity he realized as he looked at the clock. It was Matt's girlfriend, Diane. He wasn't there, so he took a message. As he hung up the phone he thought about Felicity and wondered what she was doing.......  
  
"It's really good, don't you think?" Noel asked as he took another bite of the cake.  
  
"Yeah, it's pretty good. Thanks for the dinner, Noel. I think I am going to go get ready for bed now, it's getting late," Felicity said, as she stood up from the table, eager to have their odd evening come to an end.  
  
Noel stood up quickly and strode over to her side. "Wait, you have a piece of chocolate on your face," as he leaned over to get it off with his finger. As he leaned closer to her, he was struck yet again with her beauty and took her face in his hand, and leaned in further to kiss her.  
  
"Noel! Noel! Stop!!" Felicity said, with a look of shock on her face. It had all happened so fast, he had grabbed her so quickly and then he almost kissed her. She was sick with disgust as she realized that he had tried to take advantage of her. She moved away from him quickly.  
  
"What? What is wrong? You wanted to kiss me, I know you did," he said with indignation.  
  
"No, Noel, no I did not! I can't believe this. You did this on purpose didn't you? You set up this dinner in an attempt to...to...get me to kiss you or something. Well, you... you shouldn't have done that. You know that I am in love with Ben, you know that I don't feel anything for you but friendship, and I haven't for a long time," she said strongly.  
  
"But why? I mean, you know Ben is going to hurt you again, he did it before and I swear I will always protect you and treat you well..." he said as he tried to move closer to her.  
  
"Noel! Get away, I don't know who you are anymore. This is why you've been so nice to me, helping me when Ben was gone. I can't believe this! You are supposed to be my friend, but instead you are lying to me and secretly trying to...trying to...get me back. Well, you have to know that this night, what you have done here, I will never be able to forget. I can't even stand being in this room with you now. I want you to leave, I mean it, leave. This is Sean's place I know, but I can't be in the same apartment with you right now. Get out!"  
  
"Felicity, I...why can't you just give me a chance?" Noel said insistently.  
  
"No, I want you out, get out right now! I can't be friends with you like this, Noel. I just can't trust you, that you won't pull this again. I love Ben, you should respect that, but you obviously don't. So leave, now. "  
  
Noel left quietly, after getting his coat, but not without saying, "Well, I think you should think about it..."  
  
"I have. And this is the end for you and I. I can't do this right now, you have to leave."  
  
After he finally left, Felicity sat heavily down on the sofa and started to cry. She could not believe that her friend had done this to her. She began to think about her growing suspicions about his behavior and silently berated herself for not confronting him on it and avoiding this incident all together. What would Ben say? Oh god, Ben. Just thinking about him made her cry more.  
  
Back in Kansas City, the next day Ben was walking back to his dorm room with Matt after their first day with the paramedic squad. They were excitedly talking about all the stuff they had seen as they exited the elevator and walked toward their room.  
  
"Man, did you see how Tom managed to get that girl breathing again after she had inhaled all that smoke in the fire. I mean that was amazing! Or when they did CPR on that old guy who had had a heart attack and the woman was crying hysterically that they had to save her husband! I mean, how intense was that," said Matt all in a flurry as they walked down their hall.  
  
"I know, it was all amazing. I mean how do they work that fast and not even think twice about what they are doing, it's like all instinct or something. I just hope I can get that good one day," Ben said as he began to open their dorm door.  
  
"Oh, we will get there one day, man. You'll see, we're learning from the best, that is for sure."  
  
"Yeah," Ben said as he opened the door.  
  
He was surprised to see Felicity sitting on his bed when he opened the door. He just stood there with a stunned look on his face as she yelled "Surprise!" 


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter 4  
  
Ben stood there for a moment, too stunned to move. Then he said, "Felicity, what...how...how did you get, I mean what are...."  
  
"I wanted to surprise you," Felicity replied, with a large smile on her face, happy that her plan had worked.  
  
"Well, you did that..." Ben said, but was quickly interrupted when Felicity launched herself into his arms and began to kiss him passionately.  
  
Her arms wrapped around him tightly and Ben had her head in his hands as their tongues began to caress each other. Their kiss continued getting stronger when suddenly Matt interrupted them to say, "Uh,,, I think I better get outta here so you guys can have some privacy."  
  
"Oh, Matt, I am so sorry. This is...this is my girlfriend, Felicity," Ben said sheepishly.  
  
"Yeah, I figured that. I'm Matt, Ben's roommate, though I guess you figured that out as well. Nice to meet you," he said as he reached to shake Felicity's hand.  
  
"Yes, nice to meet you. Ben has said nothing but nice things about you," Felicity replied, with just a hint of shyness after her very public display of affection for her boyfriend.  
  
"Man, where are you going to go? I mean, Felicity and I can get a place, or something, you don't need to leave."  
  
"Nah, don't worry about it, you guys can do that tomorrow. I will go stay at a friend's house tonight, I am sure it won't be a problem. I will see you tomorrow, if we are still on for the game of one on one?"  
  
"Yeah, I mean I guess, we may have other plans, I don't know, "Ben said as he looked at Felicity with a big grin on his face.  
  
"Well, we can figure that out later. See you soon," Matt said as he left.  
  
Ben turned around to see Felicity grinning at him and he took her in his arms and gave her a big hug, resting his chin on her shoulder and inhaling her scent.  
  
"I can't believe you are really here. How, I mean when did you decide...."  
  
"Shhh...we will have time for talking later. Right now, I have other things in mind," Felicity said as she began to kiss his earlobe.  
  
"Oh, yeah, yeah, that could be good, "Ben replied as he began to feel the effects of her kisses.  
  
"Come here," Felicity whispered as she pulled him closer to the bed. She began to slip her hands beneath his shirt and caressed his stomach lightly. He moaned and pulled her closer to him, kissing her intently, searching her mouth with his tongue. In very short order, his shirt was off and he was unbuttoning her blouse, exposing her firm breasts. He bent down and took one breast in his mouth, circling her nipple with his tongue, as she began to squirm above him. He took a look up at her and smiled, only to return his kisses to her chest, then moving lower to her stomach. He slowly unzipped her jeans and put his hands on either side of her hips, moving the pants down as he caressed her legs. Felicity sighed and brought her mouth to his neck, licking and kissing him all the way up to his ear, then moving her lips to his chest. She sat down on the bed and pulled him near her, unbuttoning his jeans and quickly shedding him of that layer. Suddenly, Ben grabbed her hard against him and pulled her up to his embrace, kissing her hard on the lips, then lowering her to the bed. He took his hand and caressed her breast, making her moan his name over and over. They continued to kiss languidly as they shed the last layer of clothing. Then Ben positioned himself above her, as he said, "I love you, Felicity." She looked at him with passion in her eyes and all she said was "Make love to me, Ben." And then he entered her, slowly at first, savoring the moment. They both let out a small moan at the pleasure they had missed for two months. Their movements sped up, as they felt the ending near. Felicity called out his name and pulled him closer to her, grasping his butt tightly in her hands. Ben let out a groan, as he felt himself getting close, then pulled her closer up to him by wrapping her legs around him. Their movements grew more intense and soon Ben collapsed atop her, whispering her name as he felt himself explode inside her. Felicity shivered with the intensity of what had just happened and said quietly, "I love you, Ben."  
  
They lay there, still joined, not wanting the moment to end. Ben rested his head atop her chest, sighed and said, "I can't believe you are here. This is so amazing. Thank you for coming, I am so happy you're here."  
  
"Me, too. I am so glad to be in your arms again, I missed you so much," she replied.  
  
"I missed you too," Ben said as he lifted his head to look down upon her lovingly.  
  
Felicity laughed lightly and replied, "Yeah, I could tell."  
  
"Hey, I am sorry it was a bit fast, but I haven't seen you in two whole months," Ben said apologetically.  
  
"No, Ben, it was perfect, just as I wanted. You felt so amazing, I can't even tell you how incredible you make me feel, you always have," she replied. "Good, that's the way I want it. And you have always made me feel incredible, too. And happier than I ever thought possible," he said as he rolled over onto his side to look at her.  
  
"Well, then everything is perfect then isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, it is. I love you so much," Ben said as he gently rubbed her cheek with his hand.  
  
"I love you too, so much," she said as she moved to lay her head upon his chest. They laid there in silence for a time, just enjoying the closeness, with Ben rubbing his hands up and down her back. Soon, they had both fallen asleep, happy and content in each other's arms.  
  
Ben woke up awhile later and reached for Felicity, but her side of the bed was empty. He looked up and saw her seated at his desk, dressed in his shirt. She was curled over, with her head hung down a bit.  
  
"Hey, you okay? Why are you over there? Come back here and get me warm again," Ben said with smile.  
  
Felicity sniffled and said, "Yeah, I will, just a minute. I am sorry if I woke you."  
  
Ben had noticed the sound of her voice and could tell she had been crying. He sat up quickly and strode to her side, saying "Hey, babe, what's wrong? Hey, what is it?" He was by her side, seated on the floor beside her. He reached up to move her hand from her face. "Please, tell me what is wrong."  
  
"Oh, Ben, how could I have been so wrong? How could I have been so stupid? I mean you tried to tell me, you did, and you were so sweet, you never even tried to prevent me from being friends with him, and all along you were right, you were right." she said all at once.  
  
"Wait, slow down, what are you talking about? What were you wrong about?" he asked as he held her hands in his.  
  
"I can't believe him, I mean I thought he was my friend, I mean it was so important to me that we be friends, and all along he had this plan, this idea that....that he could....oh, it was awful, it was awful," she said as she buried her face into his neck.  
  
"Shh...shh....Are you talking about Noel? What happened?" he asked as he turned her face back to his, looking into her eyes. "He...he...I can't believe it, I mean I was so upset. He..he..made us this meal and there were candles everywhere and I was so hesitant but he was so excited and I just ate and then we had cake, and, and I got up and then suddenly he touched my face, to, to, to get the icing off or....and, and, then he grabbed me and, and, and he ...god, he tried to kiss me. I pushed him off me and told him to get out, I couldn't, I just couldn't believe it, I mean, he tried to kiss me....Ben, it was awful," she cried as she put her head in her hands.  
  
"He did what? I can't believe that ...that dick, where does he get off? I mean, what the hell is his problem?" Ben said, getting angrier by the minute.  
  
"Oh, Ben, please don't get upset, I know you are right, he is a jerk, but can you just hold me?"  
  
"Yeah, of course," he said as he took her in his arms, "but he had no right to do that, I mean he took advantage of you, I should go home and kick his ass for this," Ben said as he tried to calm down some, but wasn't entirely successful.  
  
"Ben, no, no, don't go home. Just stay here with me, I want to enjoy some time with you. It's okay, let's just try to forget it, okay. I am sorry that I mentioned it, please don't get so upset," Felicity replied, trying to pull herself together for his sake.  
  
"No, no, we are not going to forget about it. I'm sorry, forgive me for getting so pissed off. But, I mean, I can forget about Noel for now, but you are crying, babe. This was hard on you, don't you need to talk about it?"  
  
"I don't know Ben, I just, I feel like I have been a complete idiot, I thought he was my friend. And now I don't know, I feel so confused. How could this happen? I mean all I have ever done is try to be his friend since we got back from our road trip. I thought we were doing okay, but he was just waiting for his chance I guess, I can't believe how stupid I have been."  
  
Ben took her in his arms and said "Hey, you haven't been stupid, you were just trying to be his friend, you didn't know that he was such a jerk. You were just being the sweet person you always are, it's not your fault. It's his fault."  
  
"I know, I know. How could I be so wrong about him, Ben? How?"  
  
"I don't know, hon. I think you just have this warm, caring heart, and you always think the best of everyone. I mean that is part of why I love you so much. Look, I am sorry that you went through this, and I hate him for doing this to you, but you have to know that you have nothing to feel bad about. This is his issue, not yours. You will be all right, I am here, right here," he said as he lovingly ran his fingers through her hair.  
  
"Oh, Ben, thank you, I am so grateful for you. I can't believe I didn't just listen to you about him, I am sorry that I didn't, "she said as she wiped her eyes.  
  
"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for. I mean, I must admit I am kinda glad you see the truth now. I mean, not that I wanted anything like this to happen, but I wondered if Noel was up to something, and I really gotta admit I hated him being there with you at the loft. I just didn't trust the guy, and now I know why. I am so sorry, hon. I know this is hard for you, and that he really meant a lot to you. But it'll get easier, you just have to give yourself time," he looked at her as she glanced downward. He lifted her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "Hey, we will make it through this, together, you and me. We can talk about it more or I can just hold you for awhile, okay?"  
  
"Yes, just hold me. Just hold me, I feel so safe in your arms," she said as she reached for him.  
  
"That's good, that's the way it should be. You never have to worry, I will take care of you. Everything's going to be okay," he said as he held her tightly.  
  
She stood up and took his hand, leading him back over to the bed. They laid down and Ben quickly took her into his arms, and she laid her head across his chest. She listened to his breathing and it began to calm her. She always loved the way his heart beat, in such a calming rhythm, it seemed to instantly relax her. Ben rubbed his hand up and down her back, as he caressed her head with his other hand. "I love you," he whispered.  
  
"I love you, too, "she answered. Before long, he heard her breathing calm and he could tell that she had fallen asleep. He laid there awake for awhile, thinking about what she had gone through and cursing Noel for what he had done to her. But soon, he just shook his head and rid his mind of his anger, focusing instead on the wonderful creature he held in his arms, thinking about how much he loved her and that he never wanted to see her in pain. He would spend the rest of his life ensuring she never felt this way again. 


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter 5  
  
Felicity woke the next morning to the feel of Ben's kisses on her shoulder and forehead. "Babe, it's time to wake up," he said as he lovingly caressed her face.  
  
"Umph...no, it's too early, go back to sleep," she moaned, as she jokingly tried to avoid his kisses. But he persisted in the wake up call he knew that she loved.  
  
He moved his kisses to her ear and began to lick it lightly, causing her to stifle a giggle. He then took his hand and moved it just below the top of the covers to caress the top of her chest, just barely missing her breasts. This caused Felicity to open her eyes and look at him with longing.  
  
"Aha, I thought that trick might work. I knew you couldn't resist my charms," he said with a small laugh. She reached under the covers and took him in her hand, causing him to inhale sharply.  
  
"I see that all of you is awake this morning," she giggled.  
  
"Yeah," he said with a groan, as he leaned over and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. He pulled her atop him and began to move his hands up and down her back, moving down to her hips and butt. She kissed him full on the mouth, then took her tongue and licked his neck slowly, causing him to moan her name. She moved his kisses down to his chest and circled his nipple with her tongue, moving from one side to the other. Then suddenly, she felt him grab her and he moved her until she was on her back, as he took each breast in his hands, causing her to moan in pleasure. She began to writhe beneath him but he kept the movements slow, enjoying the look of pure ecstasy on her face. Just when she didn't think she could take it any longer, Ben bent his head down and licked her breast, moving from one to the other in a deliberately slow manner. She had his head in her hands, moving her fingers through his hair as she moaned his name, "Ben, Ben, now, please now." He simply smiled at her and moved until she was atop him, he wanted to watch her face as their bodies became one. She took him deep inside her, and sat atop him with a look of complete, raw passion that nearly took him over the edge. She moved in a slow, sensuous motion, causing every nerve in his body to pulse. Soon, she sped up her movements and he grabbed her hard against him, letting loose a groan as he felt her body tighten around him. Finally, he could take it no longer and he felt his release come, as wave after wave of pleasure washed over them. She collapsed atop him, and breathed, "good morning to you, too."  
  
He could not help but laugh, as his breathing started to slow. "I am so glad you are here, I don't know how I made it without you."  
  
"Oh, so that's all I am for, a roll in the sack?" she replied with a giggle.  
  
"No way, you are so much more than that, you are everything, you know that. I don't know what I would do without you," Ben replied seriously.  
  
"Oh, Ben, you are everything to me, too" she said as she rolled over to lay next to him, with her head rested on his chest. "Thank you again for last night, listening to me, and not being upset. I knew I would feel better once I came here and talked to you."  
  
"You are welcome, I will always listen to you. Are you feeling any better?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm okay, I just have to keep my mind off it for now, keep myself focused on happier, more pleasant activities," she said with a smile. "So, what are we going to do today? Do you have class?"  
  
"No, not today. I am supposed to go on a ride along with the paramedics though, which," he said, glancing at the clock, "I am going to have to skip, because I am already late."  
  
"Oh no, I am sorry, Ben. I never meant to cause you any trouble. I thought you hadn't started those yet," she said with concern.  
  
"Yeah, I started yesterday, but I am sure that Matt can explain something so I can get out of it. I don't mind, there is no way I am leaving this bed now. I am too content to stay here with you all day," Ben said as he pulled her closer.  
  
"No, no. You should go. I can go look for us a hotel and scope out the town, see what I want to do this weekend. Plus I want to go shopping, I need to get a few things, including some things that you will like very much," she said as she ran her fingers lazily across his chest.  
  
"Okay, but there is no way I will be able to concentrate. All I will keep thinking about is getting back to you. It's going to be a wasted day as far as learning anything goes" Ben said as he started to move the covers off of him.  
  
Just then, Matt opened the door slightly and said, "Everyone decent? I came to see if my roommate is going to be playing hooky today?"  
  
"Hold on, hold on," Ben said as he hurriedly got some clothes on. He then threw Felicity her shorts and top. "I am not playing hooky, though I tried to convince my girlfriend here that I could. But she is too much of a geek and she won't let me," Ben said with a huge grin on his face.  
  
Felicity blushed as she put on her top and tried to get her hair under control. She was still slightly embarrassed when Matt opened the door. Ben had a crooked grin on his face as he tried to cover the fact that he had just made love to his girlfriend. Matt just laughed at the way he was trying to act as if nothing was happening. Felicity felt herself blushing as she tried to avoid looking Matt in the face.  
  
"Okay, man, are we going or what?" Matt asked as he grabbed his book bag off his desk.  
  
"Yes, we are going, but I need to get some coffee or something, I haven't had a thing to eat since yesterday."  
  
"Yeah, I can imagine," Matt laughed.  
  
Ben just shook his head as he looked at the floor, then leaned over to give Felicity a kiss. "Now, don't have too much fun without me, okay?"  
  
"I won't. Now, will you meet me here at a certain time?"  
  
"About 4. I will see you then, "Ben said as he looked at her and hesitated, almost deciding to stay there with her, she looked so beautiful  
  
"Nope, don't give me those eyes, go on! You have fun and learn lots, I will be asking you a lot of questions later," she said as she pushed him out the door. She smiled to herself when she heard him say "Miss you already" as she closed the door.  
  
Felicity spent the day making plans for what she hoped to be the most romantic weekend they had ever had. She started by finding them a hotel room for the night, and then she went shopping for some new, sexy lingerie to surprise Ben with. While she was out, she decided they would need a rental car for the little trip she had planned. She gasped at the cost of all the things that she bought, but it was so going to be worth the money to see the look on Ben's face when she surprised them with their romantic getaway. She had always wanted to take a trip like this with Ben ever since their first road trip. But they never seemed to have much time for themselves as they went from one semester to the other, spending their summers apart.  
  
As she walked in the mall, she came upon a small billboard advertising Shawnee Mission Park. They have swimming, fishing, canoeing and something that really interested Felicity, an outdoor theatre. She smiled sadly when she remembered their planned date at Bryant Park, and how Ben did not show up. He had explained to her later that he spent the time "running," going back and forth on the Staten Island ferry. She wondered what scared him so much then, was it the fact they were having such a wonderful time together? That he did indeed want a relationship with her, even though they said at the time that they would just see how it goes? She thought to herself that they had had some rough moments in the past, when they were both afraid, and at one point, she feared they would never be together. As she sat down on a bench to drink her lemonade, her thoughts drifted back to the beginning of their relationship, the trip they had taken across the country. She had been so nervous, that he would not like her when he got to see who she really was, but her anxiety quickly vanished as she found herself falling for Ben Covington- hard.  
  
"Oh my god, you have barbecue sauce all over your face! What? You do!" Ben laughed as he looked at Felicity across the table.  
  
"Well, this stuff is so good, and they don't give you enough napkins. Sorry. But it seems that you like to make fun of me, so I guess you should be happy for this chance," she said with food still in her mouth.  
  
"I do not like to make fun of you, I've just never seen you like this before. You really love this stuff, huh?" he said as he smiled at her.  
  
"Yes, I do. These ribs are so incredible, I have no idea how to describe how much I love them. . But I do think I have had enough. I guess we should get our check now."  
  
"You sure you don't want another plate full" he laughingly said.  
  
"No, Mr. Smart Aleck, I do not need anymore, thank you very much. Though I think we should stay here another day just so I can have these ribs again," she said jokingly.  
  
"Okay, Ms. Felicity, whatever you want, I am game for that. Another day in Loredo, Texas could be fun."  
  
"Really? Then we could go to the honky tonk place I saw down the street, I have always wanted to go line dancing."  
  
"What? No way, you are not getting me on a dance floor. There is no way."  
  
"Oh we will see about that. This will be such fun, I can see you now, tripping over your own feet. How are you now, Mr. Tough guy, athletic guy? Afraid to dance with your girlfriend..." she stopped short when she realized what she had called herself.  
  
Ben noticed that she stopped when she called herself his girlfriend. "What? You are my girlfriend, you can call yourself that."  
  
"Well, I don't know what we are doing on this trip, but does it really qualify as dating?"  
  
"Why not? Just because we aren't on an official "date," we can't be dating? This can be a date right now. Felicity, you don't need to be so nervous, we are having a great time together, right?"  
  
Felicity thought to herself for a minute then said, "Yes, we are. And I can't wait to see you out on the honky tonk floor." She laughed again with the mere thought of dancing with Ben.  
  
The next day, they did go to the bar and they learned to line dance, or at least she did. Ben, on the other hand, just tripped over his feet, and tried to get out of dancing with the group. But she convinced him to give it another try. They laughed so hard and had such fun. During a break from dancing, they sat over at the bar and just talked about their trip thus far. She teased him about his dancing and he blushed, saying, "I told you I would not be any good at it, but you insisted." She assured him that she enjoyed herself and that he was doing just fine. As he shook his head, not believing her words, a slow song came on. Felicity instantly liked the song, the lyrics really reminded her of Ben. He sat there looking at her as she listened to the song and was struck yet again by how beautiful she was.  
  
"Everytime our eyes meet, This feeling inside me Is almost more than I can take"  
  
Ben reached across and took her face in his hands, turning it so he could look into her eyes. They sat there for a moment, just staring at each other, listening to the words that were speaking to them both.  
  
"Baby when you touch me I can feel how much you love me And it just blows me away."  
  
Ben took her hand and led her out onto the dance floor, taking her into his arms. Felicity was shocked at first, unable to believe that she was dancing so closely with Ben, who was holding her tightly to him.  
  
"I don't know how you do what you do I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better I wanna spend the rest of my life, with you by my side Forever and ever Every little thing that you do Baby I'm amazed by you"  
  
Before they knew what was happening, Ben was kissing her passionately, right there in the middle of the honky tonk bar. His hands rubbed through her hair and down her back, as she tried to steady herself. The passion she felt in his kiss was stronger than she anticipated, and soon, she felt as if she was floating above the floor.  
  
"The smell of your skin The taste of your kiss The way that you whisper in the dark Your hair all around me, baby you surround me You touch every place in my heart Oh, it feels like the first time every time I wanna spend the whole night in you eyes."  
  
They finally had to stop kissing, to catch their breath. Ben looked down at Felicity and simply said, "let's get out of here."  
  
"Yeah," was all she said, as he led her out of the bar. They did not notice that many people were staring after them nor did they realize they had been the biggest entertainment of the night for the others, who looked longingly at them thinking "oh to be young and so in love."  
  
When they got back to their hotel room, they quickly continued their kissing. As Felicity led Ben over to their bed, he was slightly shocked when she suddenly pushed him down on the bed. She then straddled him and he was again overcome by the feelings he had for her, that all he could do was take her face into his hands and kiss her with every last fiber of his being. They touched each other a lot that night, overwhelmed with the sensations they felt and their intense need to be in each other's arms. As Ben rolled her over so that she was beneath him, she let out a moan and looked at him with longing in her eyes. "Do you want to stop?" he whispered softly. She simply shook her head no, and brought his lips down to hers......  
  
Felicity sat on the bench thinking about how close they had come that night to making love for the first time and smiled. She had finally stopped Ben when he had tried to unbutton her pants, saying "I think we should stop now." She blushed as she thought to herself, "there is no way I will be saying that to him tonight."  
  
When Ben arrived back at his dorm room at a little after 4 pm, Felicity was there waiting for him. He was so excited to see her, he had been out of his head all day, just thinking about her being in Kansas City.  
  
"My god, it is so good to see you, "he said as he took her into his arms, and started to nuzzle her neck.  
  
"Whoa, we have no time for that now. We have big plans for tonight," she said as she gave him a quick kiss and moved to get her purse. "You ready to go?"  
  
"That's all the greeting I get after waiting all day to see you?" he asked with disappointment in his voice.  
  
"We will have lots of time for all the greetings you want and more. Right now, we need to get going."  
  
"Where are we going?" he asked with a smile.  
  
"We are going to our hotel first to get our stuff put away and then we are going to Shawnee Mission Park. We will go swimming and then we will go to dinner. And then we have even better plans, but that is a surprise."  
  
"Wow, you have had lots of time to prepare. What else are we doing this weekend? I am almost afraid to ask, "he said as he took her back into his arms and looked down at her lovingly.  
  
"The weekend is definitely a surprise and you are not getting it out of me, so don't even try," she replied strongly.  
  
"Okay, okay. I won't even ask. But, I don't have a swim suit here."  
  
"Don't worry, I took care of that. We are all ready. So let's go," she replied with a smile and excitement in her voice.  
  
Ben stopped for a minute and said, "Well, I need to get packed, don't I?"  
  
"Yeah, you do that, while I go bring the car around," she said as she started to walk out.  
  
"A car? We got a car?" Ben said with surprise, as he saw her shake her head yes. "Woman, this must be some weekend plan we have. I can't wait."  
  
"Good, that was what I had in mind," she said as she left the room.  
  
Ben just shook his head and started to pack a bag for the weekend. He laughed to himself when he realized he had no idea what he should pack, as he randomly stuffed various clothing in a suitcase. There was one thing that he wanted to make sure he had though he thought, as he walked over to his desk. He slid open the drawer and took out the box, holding it in his hand for a moment before sliding it into a pocket in his suitcase. 


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter 6  
  
Ben and Felicity had a great time swimming at the lakeside beach. The weather was warm and the water felt incredible. They spent many a moment just splashing water at each other, and Ben loved to duck Felicity's head under the water. She even showed him her special trick, doing a handstand under the water. He was very amused and chased her out of the lake to the spot where their towels lay, with Felicity giggling all the way.  
  
"Oh, Ben, you make me laugh so much, that now my side hurts," Felicity laughed as she lay down on their towel.  
  
"Oh really? Here let me fix that for you," he said as he started to caress her abdomen, enjoying the feel of her skin beneath his fingers. Then, he leaned down and brought his lips to hers, circling his tongue inside her mouth. Felicity brought his face closer down to hers and lost herself in his kiss. Before she knew what was happening, Ben took her breast in his hand and started to inch his fingers up inside her bikini top. "Ben, we can't do that here. People are watching."  
  
"Where? I don't see anybody," Ben smirked. "All I see is you, and you look amazing," he said as he leaned down to kiss her neck.  
  
Felicity giggled, settling back onto the towel, with her arms wrapped around his neck. "I love you so much," Ben whispered into her ear before licking it with his tongue. He then began to lick his way down to the top of her chest, before gazing up at her asking for silent permission. He took her breast in his mouth, right through the bikini top. Felicity moaned and held his head to her breast, not wanting him to ever stop. Finally, Ben looked back up at her and said, "Come on, we gotta get outta here," as he pulled her up to stand. "Let's go back to our room."  
  
"No way, we have other plans. If we go back to our room, we will never leave again," Felicity replied as she adjusted her top, still blushing a little from the heat of their actions.  
  
"And that's bad, how?" Ben said quietly, pulling her to him.  
  
"Because we have plans for later tonight, plans that mean we have to be somewhere other than our hotel bed. Now come on, aren't you hungry? Let's go get some dinner."  
  
"Hey, I am hungry, but not for food," Ben laughed, with a sly grin on his face.  
  
"Ben! Come on, I am hungry. Let's go eat."  
  
"Okay, okay. You win. But later I am going to have my way with you," he said wickedly.  
  
"Well, if you must," she said with a giggle, as she grabbed their stuff and took him by his hand, leading him to their car.  
  
They had dinner at a nice café, right up the road from the park. They sat outside on the patio of the café, enjoying the warm breeze and talking about their adventures at the lake.  
  
"You know, they have canoes to rent here, I noticed that on a sign. We should go back tomorrow and try that out," Ben said as he finished his sandwhich.  
  
"Yeah, that could be fun, but not tomorrow. We have other plans for the weekend," Felicity said secretively.  
  
"Really? What are we doing?" Ben said eagerly.  
  
"You are not going to find out until tomorrow, so don't even bother," she said teasingly.  
  
"Man, we are going somewhere mysterious tonight and then tomorrow we are doing something else? Come on, no hints?" Ben said with a pout on his face.  
  
"Nope, no hints. You will just have to wait and see. But I guarantee you, you will love it," she replied.  
  
"I am sure I will, because I will be all alone with you, which is how I want to spend all of my days," he said sweetly, leaning across the table to kiss her softly on the lips.  
  
"Ah, very sweet, but still no hints. So, are you done? We need to get going, or we are going to be late."  
  
Felicity surprised him by taking him back to the park, to the outdoor theatre. They sat on the simple benches and watched "Before Sunrise," with Ben's arms wrapped around her. Every once in awhile, they would take a break from watching and make out for a bit, since they were one of a few couples at the theater and had some privacy. They giggled and laughed as they tickled each other and kissed. Once, Ben took hold of her so tightly she fell onto the bench beside her. She laughed and said, "you knocked the wind out of me!" He just laid her down and continued kissing her passionately, until they both fell off in a heap on the ground. Ben laughed and said, "you get me in so much trouble, look what a mess my shirt is now." To which she replied simply, "it doesn't matter, you won't need it much longer," with a smile on her face. He took her back into his arms and held her closely, kissing her on her temple.  
  
As they sat there quietly, watching the movie, with Ben's arm wrapped around her shoulder, Felicity noticed that Ben suddenly took her hand in his and looked at her intently. "What? You don't like the movie?" she asked.  
  
"No, it's not that. I..I just was thinking about something," he said haltingly.  
  
"What?" she asked, and when he looked down at their clasped hands, she took his face in her hand and brought his eyes back to hers. "What? You can tell me. What were you thinking about?"  
  
"I don't know, I guess being here reminds me of when, you know...when we were supposed to meet at Bryant Park. I still can't believe I left you there waiting and never showed up, I was such a dick."  
  
"Ben, it's okay. I mean I know you said you were just scared, I know that. And I wanted to come here tonight, to this theater, so we could have another chance at that night together. It's been really nice, hasn't it?"  
  
"Yes, it has. And I just...I just, I can't even tell you how much this means to me, that we are here now. I just, I guess I was just thinking about why I did that, why I didn't show up."  
  
"Why didn't you?" she asked quietly.  
  
"I don't know... I mean, yeah, I actually do know. I just, I mean I was just so worried, and scared. I don't know why now, I mean yes, I do. It just seems so silly now. Gosh, I can't even talk."  
  
"It's okay, go ahead, I am listening," she said softly as she took his other hand in hers.  
  
"When we kissed on the roof that night, you remember? You said that we could just take it slow and not have it be such a big deal, but when I kissed you then, you felt so amazing and I knew right away, I think I even knew before then, that I wanted more than that. I mean, you just amazed me. Your smile, your hair, the way you looked at me when I said something sweet to you, or when we were just sitting together. I was so happy, just being with you. I never wanted to be away from you. The thing is, I think I was falling in love with you then, or maybe I already was, but I was such an idiot that I didn't realize it..."  
  
"Ben, you are not an idiot. I was scared, too."  
  
"I know, I just feel so bad that I hurt you, that I made you think you had to compromise yourself that way, when that really wasn't what I even wanted. I mean, when I admitted to myself, when I really thought about it, I wanted you just the way you were. But I was so scared, I mean, I had never felt that way about anyone in my life, and I didn't know what to do," he said as he looked down an their hands again, rubbing his thumb over her fingers.  
  
"So, I just didn't show up. I can't believe it, I mean I wanted to come, I wanted to see you, but I was afraid of what I would say, and what it would mean."  
  
"What would you have said?" she asked quietly.  
  
"That I wanted to be with you, really be with you. And that I was falling in love with you, but the thought of those words just scared me so much. I couldn't do it then, maybe because I thought you deserved better than me, I don't know. I know now that it was a horrible mistake. And that I really deserved you breaking up with me like you did. But you gotta know," he said seriously, looking at her intently. "When you did that, broke up with me, I have never been so hurt in my life. I couldn't even move for the longest time, I just stood there. When what I should have done is run after and tell you that you were right about me, because I did want more with you. I was just too much of a coward, just like you said. I'm sorry....I don't mean to upset you," he stopped, looking at her, noticing that her head hung down.  
  
"No, no, you haven't upset me. I just hate to hear you talk so badly about yourself and I am sorry that I called you a coward. I shouldn't have said that."  
  
"No, I deserved that. You were right," he said as he touched her face gently. "I think I didn't fight for you, or go after you, because it hurt me to think that I didn't even deserve you anyway, that you could do so much better. I thought you were better off without me. But, I was so miserable without you, you need to know that. I tried to not even think about you, because it hurt so badly. I'm...I'm just really sorry. That I hurt you, that we wasted so much time that we could have spent together, " he said as he looked at the ground.  
  
"Ben, Ben, look at me. Look at me," she said as she took his face in her hands. "You don't need to be sorry. Yes, I was hurt, but I was okay. I think I knew in my heart, all that you just told me. And I knew, and I really hoped, that we would have another chance together, when we were both ready. I am sorry, too, that I hurt you. And I have to thank you for sharing all of this with me. It really means a lot to me, and I just love you so much."  
  
"I love you, too," he said as he looked into her eyes.  
  
"I know you do, I think I knew you loved me even then. And what is most important is that we made it through that rough spot and we are together now. And we are happy. Right?"  
  
"Yes, happier than I have ever been in my life," he said with a smile, the first she had seen since he started talking. "Thank you, you are incredible. I can't even tell you how much I love you, I just do."  
  
Felicity reached across and caressed his face lovingly, as he leaned into her touch. She took him into her embrace, and held him closely. He put his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. "Well, it looks like the movie is over," she said as she kissed him on the cheek. "So why don't we go on back to the hotel and you can show me just how much you love me?" she said with a grin.  
  
"Sounds like a plan to me," he said with a laugh. "I am sorry we missed the end of the movie, though."  
  
"Not me, I am glad we talked about this. Okay, come on. Let's get going before I lose all of my energy," she giggled.  
  
Later, Ben sat waiting on the bed, absentmindedly going through the channels on the remote as he waited for Felicity to come out of the bathroom. He smiled to himself as he thought about their conversation at the park. He felt better having talked to her about it, he always did whenever he told her what was in his heart. She had this way about her, this way that just calmed his soul and he felt better instantly. He was constantly mesmerized by her, and had been again tonight. She just accepted him, faults and all, and he could not believe how lucky he was. He was thinking to himself that he didn't know what he would do without her, when he heard her quietly exit the bathroom. When he turned to look at her, his breath was immediately caught in his throat. She stood before him in a beautiful, green silk gown that just came just above her knees, with thin spaghetti straps that hung loosely on her shoulders. She walked over to him and took his hand in hers, moving him up so he was in front of her. Ben was still speechless as he looked at her, and thought he had never seen a more beautiful sight. He was so overcome with his love for her that he forgot to breathe for a moment, until she touched him lightly on his chest, eliciting a sigh.  
  
"God, you look incredible," he whispered as he reached out to touch her.  
  
"Thank you, I hoped you would like it," she said as she smiled at him lovingly.  
  
"Oh yes, I love it. You are so beautiful," he said as he reached and took her face in his hand, kissing her deeply. He wrapped his arms around her and led her over to the bed, but not quite laying her down. He had other things in mind. He leaned over and touched the strap of her nightgown, guiding it off her shoulder, then doing the same with the other strap. Then he kissed her lightly on the shoulder, causing her to moan his name.  
  
"I want you, Felicity. I will always want you," he said before capturing her lips again. He used his hand to lightly guide the gown off her body, letting it fall to the floor. He smiled when he realized that the gown was all she had been wearing, and then pushed her down onto the bed with his body.  
  
"You are wearing entirely too many clothes," she giggled.  
  
"Yeah," he moaned, as he kissed her on her neck, and took her breast in his hand, circling her nipple with his thumb. She quickly shed him of his shirt and shorts, leaving him only in his boxers as she grabbed him tightly to her. He moaned as she kissed him lightly on his earlobe and then nuzzled his neck. As he moved his hand down to her hips, then to her inner thigh, he heard her moan yet again. He lightly skimmed the skin there and watched as her body completely succumbed to him. Unable to wait any longer, he reached down and slid his boxers off. When he moved his body over hers, he noticed her eyes were shut, and she was smiling that sweet smile that meant she was ready for him. But he decided to make her wait a bit longer, and reached down and kissed her breast, kneading the other with his fingers, just barely missing her nipple with his fingers. This caused her to cry out, "Ben, Ben, please." He entered her then, enjoying the way her body felt, as he moved slowly within her. She cried out his name and brought him closer to her. He smiled and kept his pace slow, wanting to give her pleasure. Her body began to quiver and he felt her release coming, until they both released a moan, as their passion reached the top.  
  
Ben collapsed atop her, resting his head on her chest, and whispered, "I love you, Felicity Porter."  
  
"I love you, too, Ben Covington. And I always will," she said softly.  
  
They fell asleep quickly, happy and content after their lovemaking. Later, when he woke up to see her lying next to him, he realized he had not gotten any hints about their trip tomorrow. But he was not upset. Their night had been perfect, as it always was with her. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter 7  
  
Ben was delighted the next day when Felicity surprised him by driving them to Plattsburg, a town about 30 minutes from St. Louis. He had the biggest grin on his face when she told him their plans.  
  
"I reserved us a room at a bed and breakfast. I thought we could spend the weekend at the lake, rent a boat or maybe have a picnic. Anything you want to do. We hardly ever get the chance to just spend some time alone, and I really wanted to go somewhere with you. I mean, we could think of this as a mini vacation," Felicity said with excitement in her voice.  
  
"Wow, this is amazing. I can't believe you did this," Ben replied, reaching across to take her hand in his.  
  
"I am glad that you like it," she said with a smile.  
  
"I can't wait to see the bed. I wonder if there will be a tub, too. Now that would be fun," he said with a smile as he kissed her hand.  
  
Felicity laughed and said, "Well, you will just have to wait and see."  
  
There was indeed a large tub in their room, which Felicity had to prevent Ben from insisting they use right away. She told him she wanted to go explore the lake nearby and that they would have plenty of time for that later. Ben tried to act disappointed but he was way too happy to be there with her to care. They spent the day exploring the area around their bed and breakfast. They found a hiking trail that went through the woods and took a leisurely walk, stopping often to kiss beneath the trees.  
  
"Ben! You are going to get my clothes all covered in dirt. Let me up," Felicity pleaded, but with little effort. He had tackled her, making them fall to the ground. He began to kiss her passionately as they lay on the grass.  
  
"So what? We can get changed later. Come on, we are supposed to be having fun, remember? It'll be just like when we were at Yellowstone, remember?" Ben said as he moved his kisses to her neck.  
  
"Of course, how could I forget. You were determined to completely mess up my hair that day. Remember? You kept putting leaves and twigs in my hair, and then just laughing as I tried to pull them out. I think my shorts were permanently ruined from rolling around in the dirt that day."  
  
"Yeah, but I say it was worth it. We had such a good time. I remember thinking that I had no idea you were in such good shape. You hiked that whole trail without even blinking an eye. You amazed me." "Well, I was with you, I felt like I could do anything. I mean, I was so surprised that you wanted to drive across country with me. I will never forget how you came back for me. I was so shocked," she replied.  
  
"Yeah, I was just, too. But I was lonely without you and I really wanted to spend that time with you. I felt like it was my chance to get to know you, and for us to see what we had between us."  
  
"I'd say we had a lot between us, kind of like we do now," she said as she brought his face back down to hers, kissing him passionately.  
  
They were starving when they got done with their hike, so they went to town and found a diner and had lunch. Then they decided to spend the afternoon at the lake. They rented a boat and took a leisurely sail, enjoying the warm sunshine and the quiet time just the two of them. Ben wrapped his arms around her and held her close, whispering words of love into her ear as they watched the water.  
  
"Do you remember when I followed you to Rhinebeck? I saw you out on the canoe with Greg, and I remember thinking to myself, that I wished it was me with you," Ben said as he kissed her on the cheek. "And now, with us here on this lake, I feel like I am getting that chance."  
  
"Ben, I gotta say that I am sorry about telling you to leave that day. I was upset with you, but I shouldn't have told you what I did," Felicity replied.  
  
"No, I deserved it. I did. I just was so shocked when you said you didn't want me in your life anymore. It was like getting kicked in the stomach," he said as he shook his head, ridding himself of the memory.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said as she turned to look at him. "I wish I had handled things differently then and not been so....I don't know, just stupid in a lot of ways," Felicity said with a sigh. "If I had listened to you then, what would you have said?"  
  
Ben blushed, "I guess what I said in the restaurant. You know, about having made a mistake by letting you go and that I wanted another chance with you. I don't think you would've have listened to me then, though. You were pretty pissed."  
  
"I wasn't pissed, I was just confused. I had no idea why you would do that, tell Richard about Greg's problem. But when I thought about it, and when Greg asked me, I knew it was because you were jealous. I just couldn't admit why. I was still too scared then."  
  
"You know, it about killed me thinking of you spending that weekend with Greg. I wanted to be the one there with you," he said before chuckling softly. "What?" she asked. "What? What is so funny?"  
  
"I don't know, just when I was waiting for you that day, waiting to talk to you. I had these silly little fantasies," he said shyly.  
  
"Really? What sort of fantasies?" she smiled.  
  
"Oh, that you would tell me that you wanted to be with me, and that I would kick Greg out and we would make mad passionate love in front of the fire," he laughed, looking down at his feet.  
  
Felicity giggled, "Oh really? You think I would've let you do that?"  
  
"No, not really. I was just going crazy out there. And I felt so guilty. I guess my mind wandered to other things. I just wanted you so bad."  
  
"Well, I think you might just get lucky this time," she said as she leaned into kiss him. They sat on the boat for some time, just kissing each other and enjoying the closeness. When the sun began to fade behind the clouds, they decided it was time to return to their room and get dressed for dinner.  
  
Before they went to dinner, they decided to stop at some antique shops along the way. Ben bought her an antique silver hand mirror and brush set that she had looked at longingly. She was at first reluctant to accept the expensive gift, but he insisted and she smiled adoringly at him as he bought it for her. They had dinner at a nice inn that was set back from the road. Ben ordered them wine and they toasted their weekend as they sat gazing at each other across the table. When Ben asked her to dance, she was surprised but delighted. There was only a simple piano player but they enjoyed dancing closely as they listened to the music. When they got back, they decided to take a dive around the lake and watch the sunset. It was a beautiful sight, with oranges and yellows that seemed to fill the sky. They each marveled at how clear the sky was and how it seemed to be just perfect for them to enjoy their evening.  
  
When they returned to their room, Ben decided it was time for them to enjoy the incredible bathtub in their room. He walked over to her, as she was washing her face in the bathroom.  
  
"Don't you think that we need to use this great bathtub? I mean it's just sitting here, waiting to be used," he said as he nuzzled her neck.  
  
"Hmmm...maybe you can convince me because I am pretty tired," she said jokingly.  
  
"Well, let me see what I can do," he said as he turned her to face him. He took her face in his hand and kissed her slowly, savoring the way her lips felt against his. He moved his hands down to caress her sides, and then moved them so that they were closer to the bathtub. Their kisses grew more passionate as their hands roamed over each other's bodies. Ben stopped for a moment to fill the tub up with water, as Felicity undid the zipper on his pants. Soon, they were standing naked next to the bathtub, with their hands moving hungrily across each other's skin. Ben led her into the bathtub and they sat close to each other, kissing each other languidly as Ben's hands roamed searchingly across her body. They made love there in the bathtub, enjoying the special closeness of the space and the feel of the water around them. Afterwards, he held her in his arms and caressed her shoulders as he kissed her atop her head. They went to bed soon after, exhausted but fulfilled from their romantic day together.  
  
Ben woke up early the next morning, unable to sleep anymore. His head was full of thoughts, all about the beautiful woman lying next to him. He thought about the day they had together yesterday and smiled. She had really surprised him, as she often did. He was forever amazed at her, everything she did just filled him with awe. He got up from bed quietly, not wanting to wake her. He walked over to his suitcase and reached into the side pocket where he had put the box. He opened it, and gazed at the ring as he wondered if now was the time. He lay back down on the bed and began to kiss Felicity lightly on her shoulder and neck. She moved a little, letting out a low sigh as she started to wake up.  
  
"Hey," she said as her eyes began to open.  
  
"Hey," he replied as he leaned over to kiss her on her nose.  
  
She giggled and asked," Why are you awake so early?"  
  
"I don't know, I guess I was just too happy to sleep anymore," he said softly.  
  
"We had quite a day yesterday, huh?" she smiled. "I don't want to ever leave this place, it's like our secret hideaway."  
  
"Yeah, it is," he said, then growing silent for a moment.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" she asked as she rubbed his chest with her hand.  
  
"A lot of things actually. About you, about us. About how we are going to be seniors next year. Can you believe that?" he replied as he began to run his fingers through her hair.  
  
"Yeah, I know. It doesn't seem possible. I mean, where has all the time gone? I remember when I first came to New York and now I am going to be a senior," she said as she shook her head in disbelief.  
  
"I guess what I was thinking is that I want our last year to be great, for us to really just have fun, because everything is going to change after we graduate. You know what I mean?"  
  
"Yeah, I mean it's like the safety net is gone. College kind of kept all of us together and life will be different soon. It's exciting, but it's also a bit scary."  
  
"Yeah, but it will be good. We will be together, right?"  
  
"Of course we will be together," she replied as she touched his cheek.  
  
He looked at her lovingly and then hung his head down, looking at her hand in his. "I...I know things were kind of odd at the end of the year, you know, with...with the whole mess with Avery..."  
  
"Ben, you don't have to explain.." she interrupted.  
  
"No, I want to say something. I know now that it was a horrible mistake for me to go with her, and that it really hurt you when I did. And...and that is the last thing I ever want to do, hurt you. I think I was just worried, it's silly I guess, but I was worried that you were disappointed in me, with the whole probation thing..."  
  
"Ben, I am never disappointed in you. I just wish you would share things with me more, that's all," she said quietly.  
  
"I know, that's kind of what I wanted to say. God, this is not coming out right," he mumbled as he looked down again.  
  
"It's okay, go ahead," she said encouragingly.  
  
"I just want you to know that I love you, I really love you. And I know sometimes that I can be kinda dumb and insecure, or whatever. But I know now that it doesn't matter what I am worried about, that I just need to share it with you. And that everything will be okay, because I love you and I know that you love me."  
  
"That's right. We love each other and that will get us through anything," she replied as she kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"So, I was thinking, I mean I was just wondering, what...I mean, you know, about after graduation, where we will be or whatever, and I ...I wondered if you thought, I mean. Let me start over," he said as he looked her in the eye. "Felicity, I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you and I want to be everything that you see in me. And I...I want to spend the rest of my life with you. There is nothing that would make me happier. Felicity," he said as he took her hand in his and looked at her intently. "Will you marry me?"  
  
Felicity lay there shocked, unable to respond right away. She tried to catch her breath, which seemed to immediately go into her throat. She looked at him with her eyes wide, and her mouth open.  
  
"Okay, well, you don't have to answer right away. I mean, it's okay, you can think about it," Ben says nervously, looking down at his hand in hers.  
  
Felicity started to giggle and cry all at the same time. Ben lay there stunned, wondering what was going on and if he had totally screwed it up. As her giggles started to subside, the tears began to roll down her cheeks freely as she reached to him and said " No, no. It's just...it's just that I have dreamed about this moment all of my life. I mean, I used to watch you in high school and I would day dream about this moment as I sat watching you in class. And I would write 'Felicity Covington' in my notebook," and as she said this, she started to giggle again. "But I never really believed that it would happen, I mean not then. And I still dreamed about it once we became lovers, I dreamt about this moment and now it is here," she said as he wiped the tears from her eyes.  
  
Ben looked at her and asked shyly, "So, is that a yes?"  
  
Felicity threw her arms around him, kissing him all over, as she said excitedly "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Ben took her tightly into her arms, amazed at what had just happened. She kissed him all around his face, his eyes, his forehead, his nose as she continued to cry tears of happiness.  
  
Suddenly, Ben remembered the ring. "Oh, wait. I forgot the ring," he said as he reached behind him. "Man, how could I forget the ring?" he muttered.  
  
"There is a ring?" she said with a big smile on her tear stained face.  
  
"Of course," he said nervously as he opened the box. He waited anxiously to see what her reaction to the ring would be, he knew it wasn't very big and he worried she would not like it.  
  
But, she just launched herself into his arms all over again, kissing him hard on the lips. He broke the kiss, laughing and said, "I guess you like it, then?" He came out of her embrace to look her in the eyes.  
  
"Yes, yes, I love it. I can't believe you did this," she replied giddily.  
  
"Well, I wanted to do it right. I mean, I know it's not real fancy or anything but..."  
  
"Ben, I love it," she said happily.  
  
"Well, let's see if it fits," he said as put the ring on her finger. Of course, it was a perfect fit and Felicity looked at it for a long time, just amazed at what had happened and how beautiful it was. Ben rubbed his fingers across her hand and looked at her with complete contentment on his face.  
  
"I can't believe you are actually going to be my wife," he said quietly.  
  
"Yes, I am going to be your wife," she replied, as she came out of her trance. She took his face in her hands and brought their lips together quickly, kissing him with utter abandon and joy. As he held her in his arms, he knew that this was what he had wanted for the longest time and he could not remember ever being so happy.  
  
Before he knew what was happening, she began to kiss a trail of kisses down his chest to just above the blanket. The she moved the blanket away and continued her crusade. He lay there enjoying the soft, yet passionate way that she kissed every inch of his body. And when she brought her face back to his, he turned her over so that he could return the favor. But she didn't allow that for long, turning him back over so that she could take control. He lost his breath several times that night, as she seemed to have lost all her remaining inhibitions and he thought several times he would not be able to keep up with her. They made love slowly and passionately, until the first rays of sunlight began to come into their window. Later, after she had fallen back to sleep in his arms, exhausted from her fevered actions, he held her head to his chest and wondered how he had ever gotten so lucky. He silently vowed to never disappoint her and to always take care of her, for as long as they both lived. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter 8  
  
Ben woke a couple hours later to the feel of Felicity's soft kisses on his chest and shoulder. He opened his eyes slowly, and found her staring at him with a huge grin on her face.  
  
"Good morning, sleepy head," she said as she kissed him on the lips.  
  
"Good morning to you too, my soon to be wife," he said softly, as he judged her reaction.  
  
She grinned even broader and launched herself into his arms, kissing him full on the lips. He could only respond with equal fervor, and wrapped her into his arms. Later, after making love yet again, they lay in each other's arms talking about their future.  
  
"Where do you think we will live after graduation?" Ben asked.  
  
"Hmm...I don't know. I would kinda like to stay in New York. I really like it there. But I can imagine my parents would want me to move back home," Felicity said.  
  
"Well, we will be college graduates, we can live anywhere we want to," Ben reminded her gently.  
  
"You're right. I say we stay in New York, there are lots of jobs there," she replied and then grew pensive. "Ben, do you think I will be able to find a job in art? Do you think I will be able to be an artist?"  
  
"Why do you ask?" he asked. "I mean, you never seemed worried about that before."  
  
"I know, I guess it is just senior year coming up, makes me nervous. I mean the real world is about to hit us, and what if I can't make it? What if I can't find a job?"  
  
"Hey, listen, everything will be okay. I promise. You will find the job that you want and you will have your art all over the city," Ben said.  
  
Felicity chuckled softly at this and slapped him lightly on the chest.  
  
"What? I am serious. I have all the confidence in you, I always have. The one we need to be worried about it is me," he said pointedly.  
  
"But you are enjoying this paramedic training right? Can you see yourself doing it as a career?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know, maybe. I mean, I do like it. I feel like I am getting the hang of it and I haven't messed up yet," he laughed lightly. "I don't know, I guess I just wonder if there is something more to do, if there is more training that I should get."  
  
"Well, you should ask your instructors about that, maybe there is. You know, I am really proud of you, this is such amazing work that you are doing. And I am just really proud of you," she said as she smiled at him.  
  
He blushed and said, "Yeah, well I still may mess up."  
  
"Hey, don't say that! You won't mess up. You are not the only one that has confidence, I have all the faith in the world that you can do anything you want to do. I mean, look at how hard you worked to get me back."  
  
"Yeah, I did," Ben replied with a grin. "I remember how nervous I was, talking to you that day when I gave you the film cannister. I was afraid you were going to turn me down again, and I couldn't take that again."  
  
"You know, I am sorry about how hard I was on you. And thank you for persisting so much. I don't remember ever being so happy as that night we watched the movie together on the roof and then spent the night just talking and kissing. I felt so close to you," she said fondly as she remembered. "Of course, this morning topped that by a landslide though," she said.  
  
"Yeah, it did. I am so happy right now. I don't even know what to say, I just feel so happy, you know?"  
  
"Yes, I know," she said and then sighed contentedly. "You know, we need to start making plans, like when we want to get married and where," she said as she kissed him lightly.  
  
"Hmm...what do you think? Should we wait until after graduation? I mean, I guess that makes the most sense."  
  
"Yeah, I guess. That way we could have more time to get it all planned and it wouldn't interfere with school."  
  
"Planned, huh? Wow, it sounds like it will be a big deal, with like all the people we ever knew in our lives there," he said with a laugh. "I was kinda thinking small, but I feel like that will not be very likely."  
  
"Oh, I don't want a real big wedding, just family and friends," she said firmly. "And don't tease me about planning my wedding, I have been thinking about this day since I was a freshman in high school."  
  
"Oh really? I had no idea. Even before I knew you I was destined to be your husband, huh?"  
  
"You better believe it," she said with a nod of her head.  
  
He laughed and said, "You know, I feel like the luckiest man ever. I love you so much."  
  
"I love you, too," she replied before kissing him once more. This time there was no end in sight.  
  
They were awakened a brief time later by a knock on their door.  
  
"Excuse me, I just wanted to remind you two that the breakfast is only served until 10 am. Sorry to interrupt, I just don't want you to miss out on the food," a voice said from the other side of the door, which they assumed was the owner of the bed and breakfast.  
  
"Oh, of course. Sorry, we will be right down. Thank you," Felicity said quickly, as she started to move the covers off of them.  
  
"God, I think we just got in trouble," Ben said with a laugh.  
  
They had a wonderful breakfast with the other two couples at the bed and breakfast. But even though the others kept trying to talk to them, they only half heard their conversations as they sat looking at each other and holding hands between bites. The owner offered them more juice and just shook her head, as she had noticed how in love these two were. And since she had spotted the ring on the young lady's hand, she knew she was right when she told her husband earlier that these two were here for a very special weekend.  
  
They spent the morning walking around the lake, watching the ducks swim and the birds chirp and fly overhead. They talked some more about the wedding, about who they would invite and where they wanted to go on their honeymoon. Ben kept insisting on Bali, but Felicity was determined to change his mind to something more rustic, like camping in Maine. They decided they had plenty of time to figure that out.  
  
They sat on the swing near the house just holding each other and enjoying the breeze when Felicity asked, "Ben I don't want to go back to Kansas City today. Let's see if we can stay here one more night. My flight doesn't leave until mid morning tomorrow. Just think, this can be like our pre- honeymoon," she said with a sexy smile.  
  
"Oh no, I knew this was coming. You know I have class tomorrow," Ben replied.  
  
"But maybe you can skip the morning class, maybe, just for me?" she said as she rubbed her hand across his chest.  
  
"Hmm..." he said slowly, refraining from answering her right away. "I guess so. But I will never get through our senior year if you keep planning these little trips and distracting me so much."  
  
"Oh, I promise no big, romantic getaways and distractions while we are in school. We will focus on getting through it so we can look forward to our honeymoon, which I plan on spending most of in bed with you," she said as she leaned over to kiss him hard on the mouth.  
  
Ben and Felicity spent most of the day in their room, not leaving much except to get food. They took one more walk around the lake that afternoon and found another hiking trail to explore. Later, they made out like teenagers in the backseat of their car as they watched the sunset. Returning shortly thereafter to enjoy their bathtub once more. The next day, when they realized they had to leave their special place, both were a bit sad but smiles quickly returned to their faces as they looked at the ring on Felicity's hand.  
  
Felicity left the next day to return to New York, but Ben was not as sad as he had thought he would be because he knew their future was just beginning. He could not recall ever being so content in his life, and he owed it all to Felicity. 


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter 9  
  
Felicity spent the three remaining weeks until Ben got home walking around New York with a big grin on her face, smiling and laughing at the silliest things. People at the museum started to wonder if she had taken up drinking, and whenever she talked to Elena on the phone, she could hardly keep from telling her the news. But she and Ben had talked and decided that they wanted to tell their friends and family together, so she had not told anyone, even her parents. And some days she felt as if she would burst.  
  
She spent most of her evenings looking at bridal magazines and surfing the internet for the perfect honeymoon getaway. She still wanted to go camping like they had wanted to this summer, but Ben kept insisting on taking her to an island getaway, "so I can see you in a bikini every day, and take it off quickly every time the mood strikes me," he whispered one night while they talked on the phone. Just the thought of that made her tingle, as she missed his touch so much. She knew they would not be apart much longer though and then they had the rest of their lives together.  
  
She and Ben had talked about getting their own place last night on the phone, but no one had made any definitive statements one way or the other. They just sort of chuckled about their first place, the hellhole apartment, and wondered what their first real place would be like. But even though Ben had not really said he wanted to get a place now, at least not in so many words, Felicity was convinced that was what he really wanted. He was just too shy to say it. So she had started looking around in Brooklyn for a studio apartment. She was a bit nervous telling Ben about her search, but she really felt they were ready and that he wanted to live together just as much as she did.  
  
She was looking forward to Meghan and Sean returning from their trip in a week, because she was getting very lonely at the loft. Noel had not been by recently, and had seemed to get the majority of his stuff while she was in Kansas City. She had seen him once, at Dean and Deluca. He came in to get some coffee and to see how she would react, but she just wasn't able to talk to him. He told her then that he would be by to get the rest of his stuff soon. He had briefly apologized but she had not been able to listen to him, so she asked him to leave, which he did. She just wasn't sure she was able to forgive him, even though the thought of losing his friendship made her sad. But she felt like he had betrayed her, and she was simply not ready, or able, to let go of that hurt.  
  
As she walked home from the museum, she found herself drawn to a different subway then the one that would take her back to the loft. Before long, she found herself back at the building where their first apartment had been. She knew that it had been a mistake to rent that place, but she couldn't help but smile as she remembered the night they had finally christened the place. Their last night there had been one of the most romantic nights of her life. The candles everywhere, beautiful music playing in the background, making love in the living room bathtub. She smiled at the memory, wishing she could be with Ben now.  
  
She found herself thinking back to their road trip, as she often did this summer. She couldn't help it, it was the only summer they had any length of time together. And it was filled with so many wonderful memories. Plus, she couldn't help but laugh out loud at the thought of the bugs in their first apartment, and how Ben thought he could kill that massive roach with his shoe. It made her remember the night that Ben had pulled the covers down to discover the enormous spider on their bed. She had never laughed so hard in her life.  
  
"So, you ready for bed?" Ben asked quietly, as she stood in the bathroom brushing her hair one more time.  
  
"Yeah, just give me a minute," Felicity replied. Ben came over to the doorway and stood watching her, causing her to ask, "what?"  
  
"Nothing, I just really love your hair like that, I mean, when it's down," Ben said shyly, looking first at her face, but then looking down at his feet.  
  
Felicity put the brush down and walked over to him, "Really? You really like my hair? I think it gets so out of control sometimes."  
  
"Yeah, it's really great. It's beautiful. I used to be just fascinated by your hair, when I watched you in class."  
  
"You watched me in class?" she asked with surprise in her voice.  
  
"Yeah, of course I did. I thought you were beautiful," he said as he walked closer to her.  
  
Felicity blushed and looked at the floor, not really believing what he said. Ben moved closer and took her face in his hand, lifting her eyes to his. "You are beautiful. So beautiful," he whispered. Then he kissed her slowly and hungrily, moving his tongue into her mouth. He stopped, taking her hand in his, as he led them both to the bed. He leaned down, moving the cover off the bed.  
  
Lying on the bed was the biggest spider either of them had ever seen. Felicity shrieked and Ben jumped back, saying "Jesus!"  
  
"Oh my God, yeee! Ben, get that thing off of our bed!" Felicity screamed.  
  
"Okay, okay, relax" Ben said as he went into the bathroom and got a cup. He took a magazine off the nightstand, and used it to coax the spider into the cup. He finally managed to get it, and as he was walking to the door to let it outside, he started to scream. "Oh shit! Eeeeeee! Get this off of me! Eeeeee!" The spider had gotten out of the cup and was crawling up his arm. Ben kept screaming, and flailing his arms about. Felicity tried to calm him down.  
  
"Ben! Ben, it's okay, just let me open the door," she said. "It'll fall off, just stop moving so much. Calm down, it's okay. Just push it off."  
  
He moved out into the hallway and was finally able to get the spider off of him. But he kept moving about the hall, shaking his arms. By then the hotel manager had come to see what the noise was about.  
  
"Is everything okay here?" the manager asked.  
  
"Yes, yes. Everything is fine now, we just had a huge spider in our bed, and it was crawling all over my boyfriend," Felicity replied.  
  
The manager couldn't help but stifle a chuckle when he realized that the screaming had come from the young man. "Oh, as long as everything is okay."  
  
"Yes sir, everything is fine. Thank you," Felicity said.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, thanks," Ben finally managed to get out before ducking himself back into the room.  
  
Felicity couldn't help but giggle herself as she closed their door. She kept trying to stop, but every time her laughter just got louder.  
  
"That's great, great. You are laughing at me. Thanks a lot," Ben said self- consciously.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ben. But you....you were moving around, screaming like a girl. I can't help it," she replied as another laugh took her over.  
  
"Great, can't we just forget about it? I mean, Jesus, that was a HUGE bug! You would've been screaming too," Ben said.  
  
Felicity kept laughing, so hard her face was turning red. She sat down on the bed and tried to stifle her laugher by covering her face with her hands. "Okay, okay, I think I am okay now," she said with a smile.  
  
"Good, now can we get into bed, like we were going to?"  
  
"You sure you don't want to check the bed thoroughly for another spider?" she asked with a smile, as she tried not to laugh.  
  
"I'm sure, let's just get in bed," he said with a shake of his head, embarrassed at her continued laughter at him. "Come on, just stop okay? This has totally killed the mood I was going for."  
  
Felicity chuckled, asking "Oh, what mood was that?" She got into bed next to him, after looking briefly under the covers.  
  
"This mood," he said as he took her face into his hands and kissed her intently. The kiss didn't last long, as Felicity started to laugh all over again.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ben. I just can't get it out of my head. You were so scared," she laughed.  
  
"I was not," Ben insisted. "I wasn't. Okay? But that was a huge spider. It could've been poisonous or something."  
  
This caused Felicity to laugh even harder.....  
  
Felicity smiled to herself as she remembered that night in the hotel. She had been unable to stop laughing for the longest time. Ben kept trying to distract her by kissing her or touching her, but she couldn't stop. It was just too much. Felicity started to walk back out of the apartment building, stopping briefly to look at the manager's office. She stood there thinking for a minute, then walked in. What was the harm in asking anyway?  
  
Ben and Matt left their last class of the day and headed to the deli to grab something to eat. Matt was joking about the observation that they had gone on with the paramedics yesterday. They had got called to a woman's house out in the suburbs, who was convinced she was having a heart attack, but it ended up being some sort of panic attack.  
  
"Man, she was nuts. She kept holding her arm like she was unable to move it. What was with her anyway?" Matt asked.  
  
"Some sort of anxiety problem, I guess. Sounded pretty severe to me. She seemed really bad off, thought she was really sick. I just hope she gets the help she needs," Ben replied.  
  
"Yeah, me too," Matt said. "Hey, man, you ever gonna tell me what is going on with you anyway? Nothing seems to upset you or rattle you anymore. Where is all this new confidence coming from? And what is with the grin that is plastered all over your face 24/7? Come on, man. Spill it."  
  
"I told you, Felicity and I are doing great, that's all." "Nah, there is more to it than that. Ever since she was here, you have been walking around, off in your own world. Half the time I am not even sure you even hear me when I talk to you. It must've been some getaway, man," Matt teased.  
  
Ben laughed and said, "It was." He smiled, then decide to share his news. "All right, all right. We decided to get married. I mean, I asked Felicity to marry me."  
  
"What? Oh my God, that is incredible. Congratulations, man!" he said as he patted him on the back.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Thanks. It's pretty amazing. I can't even believe it sometimes," Ben said nervously.  
  
"So, when is the big day?'  
  
"Oh, we haven't got that far yet. Sometime after graduation," Ben said shyly.  
  
"Man, this is great. I am so happy for you," Matt said, as he smiled at Ben.  
  
"Yeah, I am happy, too. I just hope everything goes okay with this training, because I need some sort of career to start out with, since we are going to be married and all."  
  
"You're doing good, man. Plus, have you given any more thought to what I said the other day, about maybe being a doctor? I think you'd do great at that, you have the passion and the caring to make a good one."  
  
"Yeah, well, I suck at taking tests, so that is not gonna happen," Ben said as he shook his head. "I mean, I'd like to do more than this paramedic thing, but being a doctor? No way. I could never make it through med school."  
  
"Well, I still think you should think about it," Matt insisted as they finished their dinner.  
  
As they walked back to their dorm, Ben couldn't help but think what it would be like to be a doctor. Some of the things he had seen happen in the ER after the paramedics dropped the patients off amazed him. It was so fast moving in the ER, everything was so important. It was life or death. He got an adrenaline rush just thinking about it. But he shook his head again, ridding himself of the thought. He didn't see how it was possible.  
  
Later, Ben was studying his manuals when the phone rang. He glanced at the clock, it was early for Felicity to be calling. "Hello?" Ben asked.  
  
"Hey, sweetie! How was class today?" Felicity asked excitedly.  
  
"Oh, hey babe. I didn't expect you to call so early. How are you?" Ben asked with a smile, putting his book down so he could concentrate completely.  
  
""I'm good, real good actually. I am sitting here looking at the beautiful ring you got me and thinking about how much I miss you," she said  
  
"Hey, it's okay. We only got about twelve days left to go, then we will be together. I can't wait."  
  
"Yeah, me either," she sighed. "Ben? You remember how we were talking last night about our old apartment?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Well, I went by there today, just to see how it was looking. It was rented out, but it got me thinking. Do you think we could maybe, I don't know, get our own place?" she asked slowly, judging his reply. Then she continued quickly, "I know we tried that last year and it didn't go well, but now we are doing so good and I thought..."  
  
Ben laughed as he tried to interrupt her. "Yes, yes. I think we could try that soon. Maybe after the first semester. You know, give me a chance to tell Sean and all."  
  
"Really? You mean it?" Felicity asked with happy surprise.  
  
"Yes, I have been thinking about that myself actually. I mean, we practically live together anyway because we are always at the other's place. So why not?"  
  
"Oh, Ben I was hoping you'd think that. Because, well, because I have been looking around and I found us this perfect place in Brooklyn..."  
  
"Wait, you've been looking?" Ben asked, stunned.  
  
"Yeah, I couldn't help it. I just was so happy when we got engaged I started to think about us getting our own place," she said with a sigh. "And Ben, this place, you will love it, I just know it. It is a studio, and it looks out over this cute little patio, where there are tables and chairs and these beautiful trees..."  
  
"Whoa, hold up. Did you rent this place too? Like the old place?"  
  
"No, no, I didn't yet. I wanted to ask you first. So...what do you think?" she asked nervously.  
  
Ben didn't answer for awhile, thinking about this question thoroughly. Then he smiled and said "I think we are getting our own place." 


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter 10  
  
Meghan and Sean got home a week later. Felicity still had not rented the studio yet, as they had determined it would be better if Ben saw it first. She was positive he would love it, though. Meghan and Sean were shocked when she told them she and Ben would be living together, and Sean was really quite worked up because he was losing a tenant. But Meghan told him he was mostly upset because his best friend was moving out. Felicity assured him that Ben would still play basketball with him and that they would all still hang out. It was going to be their senior year, and she was excited about their future, but she wanted their friendships to remain as strong as ever.  
  
It wasn't long before Meghan figured out what was going on with Felicity, she kept eyeing her strangely and asking her if she had finally smoked some weed. Then it hit her.  
  
"I know what it is! You and Ben got married! You eloped! Or you are engaged or something," she said one afternoon as they watched a movie together.  
  
"What? No, Ben and I did not get married. Don't be silly," Felicity replied, trying to deflect her a bit, but she was unsuccessful.  
  
"So, where is it then?" she asked pointedly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What do you mean what? The ring, dammit. I want to see it, right now," she insisted.  
  
"Meghan, I can't believe you. There is no ring, just leave me alone," she said, still trying to keep their secret.  
  
"Come on, I know when you are lying and you are lying right now, it is so obvious. You can't hide it from me anyway, I will just go search your room," she said as she acted as if she was going to go into their room.  
  
"What? No, no, don't do that! Okay, okay. Yes, we are engaged. But you can't tell anyone, not even Sean. Ben wants to tell everyone together, so you have to keep this to yourself. Can I trust you to do that?"  
  
"Hmmm...only if I get to see the ring," she replied with a smirk.  
  
"All right, hold on. It's here," Felicity said, as she pulled the necklace she was wearing out from beneath her shirt, revealing the ring at the end of it.  
  
"God, you are such a sap. Wearing it around your heart, yuck," Meghan teased. But as she looked closer at the ring she saw how beautiful it was and could only smile. "Wow, Ben did good. This is great."  
  
"Yeah, I know. Isn't it perfect?" Felicity said with a big smile on her face, revealing her happiness fully now.  
  
"Ugh. Stop the smiling, soon you will be crying or something," she said, making a face of disgust. "Yes, it's nice. And you will be walking around showing it off to everyone soon enough, making me want to puke."  
  
"Come on, Meghan. Admit it, you're a little bit jealous. You and Sean, you guys could get married someday too."  
  
"What? There is no way I am marrying that idiot. He is not even remotely marriage material, and besides, I am not the marrying type," she said seriously.  
  
"Oh Meghan, give it up, you know that you love Sean," Felicity said as she rolled her eyes and shook her head at her friend.  
  
"Sean is great, yes, but marriage? No way," she said, then got quiet, thinking for a minute. "But wait a minute, with Ben moving out, maybe I could move in here and save some rent money."  
  
"There you go, move in so you can save rent money. God, Meghan you are awful. Why can't you just say you'd like to move in here so you can live with your boyfriend?" Felicity said as she rolled her eyes yet again.  
  
"Well, that is not going to happen. There is no way he'd want that."  
  
Actually, later that same day Sean announced to them both that he wanted Meghan to move in with him once Ben moved out. Rather than argue with him for once, Meghan just smirked and said, "It's about time you asked."  
  
Ben worked his butt off the last week of classes and observations. He learned so much, he felt as if his brain was going to explode. It was intense work, but he was so proud of himself when he learned that he more than passed his tests and practical exams. He had to take another round of testing once he returned to New York, to complete his requirements for licensing in that state. He couldn't believe that he would actually have a license that would enable him to have a real job. The idea kind of scared him, but at the same time really excited him. He had even asked his instructors their suggestions about getting additional training so he could maybe help in hospital ERs. He was nervous about looking into it, especially of what Felicity would think, but he was determined to do it. He was so happy to be returning home to Felicity the next day. She expected him the day after that, but he was going to surprise her and come home a day early. He could not wait to get home and they would go right into his bedroom and make up for all the lost time. He didn't know how he had survived another summer apart from her. But, he had made it. And he knew a big part of the reason for that was that she encouraged him to do this paramedic training, and he was determined to show her that he could achieve it and make himself a better person. He had always wanted to be with her, but never felt he was quite good enough. Even in high school, before they had actually met, he had wanted to ask her out. He thought her so beautiful, and so smart. But, he thought himself a dumb idiot, so he had never asked her. But he hadn't needed to, since she followed him to New York. He smiled just thinking about it; he had been so shocked, but inwardly delighted. He had no idea how he had gotten so lucky, but he was certain he would spend the rest of his life making her as happy as she made him.  
  
He felt he had been given another chance at life, at being truly happy. And that was something he had never thought he would be, growing up surrounded by so much turmoil. He cringed just thinking about his dad, and how he had treated his mother and him. He knew he needed to get over his anger towards him, and the group had helped him a lot with that, but he still felt so much hate towards him. And he wasn't sure that it would ever go away completely. He wanted to be able to close the door on that part of his life entirely, but that wasn't really possible. He knew that he needed to forgive him to truly be able to move on. The group had taught him forgiveness could be done, when you are ready, but you never forget. There was a lot of truth to that, he knew, but he wasn't sure if he was even at forgiveness yet.  
  
Ben smiled, thinking about how Felicity had found the ability to forgive him and given him another chance. The day he had given her their "time machine." He could not remember ever being so happy as when she came to the loft that night, and he had opened the door to see her beautiful face. He had been afraid she would change her mind, but there she was, and he was certain that he would never forget the way he felt in that moment. His feet were glued to the floor for a minute, and Felicity had to ask if it was okay if she came in. He had laughed, and let her in. She teased him that she had brought muffins, just as they had planned for their picnic at Bryant Park. He was nervous when he showed her how he had set up the movie on the roof, he wasn't sure that she would like it. But her big smile told him otherwise. They had an amazing time on the roof, and when she had kissed him, he felt as if he was right where he was supposed to be. It all made sense to him then, and he knew he would love her forever. He remembered how he had a hard time concentrating on the movie after their kiss, he kept looking over at her and wanting to kiss her again. He finally took her hand in his and wrapped his arms around her, with her sitting between his legs. They sat there watching the movie, happy to be together again. Every once in awhile, he would nuzzle her neck and she would giggle. And they would kiss, and kiss some more. There wasn't much concentrated movie watching, but neither one of them cared, they were so lost in each other. Then they went to his room. He was at first shy, as he didn't know if she wanted to spend the night or not. But he really wanted her to, and then it just seemed to happen. They spent the night just talking and though he didn't sleep a wink that night, he didn't care- he was just happy to have her in his arms again. To laugh, and tickle her, and kiss her, and touch her. He sighed, just thinking about touching her. God, I can't wait to see her again, he thought.  
  
Felicity came home from work the next day exhausted and ready for a nice relaxing evening of take out food and a movie. Meghan and Sean left her a note saying they were out to dinner and a movie with some friend, and would not be home until late. She actually loved the idea of some quiet time alone, it was so rare and she looked forward to falling asleep on the sofa while watching a movie on TV. She ordered her take out Chinese, and sat down on the sofa to leaf through some magazines. Of course, she had to glance over her bridal magazines again, still looking for the perfect dress. After she ate her food, she flipped through the channels, looking for a good movie to watch. Just then, she heard a key turn in the lock. She thought to herself that it was earlier than she thought Meghan and Sean would be home, and she was startled when she saw Noel come into the loft.  
  
"Oh, hey. I hoped you'd be here," he said as he entered the loft, smiling at her as if they had not ever been estranged.  
  
"What-what are you doing here? Why do you still have a key?" she asked nervously as she stood up off the sofa.  
  
"I came to drop it off actually and to get the last few things I have here. And I was hoping you'd be here so we could talk," he replied.  
  
"Noel, we have nothing to say to each other. I told you that I can't talk to you now, you have to know that I just can't...I can't forget what you did," she said with determination in her voice.  
  
"I know, I know. But, it's been awhile since we talked, and I really just wanted this chance to apologize. I mean, I know you didn't want me to kiss you, and I shouldn't have, but you were there, and we had such a nice dinner, I just couldn't help it. You have to know that I still love you, that I want to be with you," he said as he moved closer to her.  
  
Felicity backed away, moving so the table was between them. "Noel, I can't do this. You can't talk to me like this, I love Ben and you know that. You and I, we were only friends, that is all that I wanted. We went through this already, and I thought you were okay with that."  
  
"Well, I am not okay with it, all right? I mean, you and Ben, you aren't going to make it. I mean, he took off with Avery, you can't believe that he is actually going to stay with you forever. He isn't the one you should be with, I am. I will take care of you, and we will be happy."  
  
"Noel! Stop it! I don't want to be with anyone but Ben. And you can't talk that way about him, he is my boyfriend," she said, getting angrier and more uncomfortable by the minute.  
  
"Look, this isn't coming out the way I meant it to. I am just saying give me a chance. We can be just friends again and then you will see that it all work out just like I say it is going to. Ben doesn't love you the way that I do, he doesn't. I will take care of you. And I would never go off with someone else," he said.  
  
"Noel, I can't even believe you! You-you aren't even listening to me. Look, you need to leave. I can't talk to you anymore. Just leave," she said seriously and pointed at the door. "Just leave the key on the table. I will give it to Sean."  
  
Noel just stood there for a minute, looking at her, as if he was trying to will her into his point of view. But she stood her ground and said again, "I want you to leave." He turned to put the key on the table, and then looked at her again.  
  
"I really think you are making a mistake. What we have is so special, you can't let that go. I don't think that you want to," he said.  
  
Just then, the door opened again. And this time it was Ben. The huge grin that was on his face as he opened the door quickly disappeared when he saw who was in the room with her. 


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter 11  
  
"Ben..." Felicity whispered as she moved close to him.  
  
"Hey," he said as he took her hand into his quickly, moving so he stood in front of her. "Noel, what are you doing here? You have no right being here after what you pulled."  
  
"What? What I did is nothing compared to what you are going to do to her," Noel replied, as he moved closer to where Ben stood, trying to intimidate him with his posture.  
  
But Ben was not affected, and stood his ground. "I want you to get out, right now. Felicity and I are none of your business anymore, you need to leave."  
  
"Felicity and I are friends..." Noel started.  
  
"No, no, I don't think you are. Not after what you put her through. Your friendship ended when you tried to kiss her," Ben said strongly.  
  
"You can't decide who Felicity is friends with, that is up to her," Noel replied angrily.  
  
"Well, I don't think I need to do. She has pretty much told you that herself, hasn't she?" Ben paused, watching Noel closely. "God, man, you have no idea do you? Do you ever even listen to her? Or are you always thinking about you and what you want?"  
  
"I care about her, she knows that. Felicity, tell him that you and I will work this out, you know that we will," he looked imploringly at her.  
  
"Noel, I-I really don't think that we can. I just don't think we can, I'm sorry," she said as she looked at her hand in Ben's, then at the ground.  
  
"Felicity.." Noel started as he moved closer to her.  
  
"No way, man, get away from her. Stop. Don't come any closer to her," Ben said firmly, preventing his movement by putting himself in front of Felicity.  
  
"What're you gonna do, Ben? Beat me up like you beat up that guy Randy? Right in front of your girlfriend?"  
  
"No, I'm not. You are not worth the energy. You can't even see how much you have hurt her. You need to leave, now. I mean it, man, get out and do not ever come back."  
  
"This isn't your apartment, you can't tell me to get out. I lived here and I need to get my stuff. Besides, Felicity and I were talking before you interrupted us," Noel said, refusing to back down.  
  
"Sean will send you whatever stuff you have left. And I really don't think you were talking, from what I could see you were doing all the talking and she was trying to get away from you," Ben said.  
  
"Ben, wait. Let me say something. Noel, "she said as she turned to look at him. "Just go, there is nothing left for us to say to each other. You said what you wanted and it still doesn't change anything. I can't talk to you anymore."  
  
"Felicity, what we have, it is too special to let go, you know that..." Noel said as he tried to get her to look at him again.  
  
"Man, you aren't even hearing her. You two are through, that's it. It's over. You need to get out," Ben said, pointing to the door. When Noel still didn't move, Ben went closer to him and directed him to the door. "It's time to go."  
  
Noel, finally realizing his defeat when he saw that Felicity could not even look at him, moved towards the door. "Well, I still think you should think about it, Felicity. Maybe you will change your mind."  
  
"She doesn't need to think about it, you have made the decision for her. Now, go. Get out, I mean it man, now," he said nudging him to the door.  
  
Noel finally left, after looking at Ben with a look of disgust and then looking back at Felicity, who finally looked at him. She looked at him and saw a stranger, and he saw that reflected in her eyes. He left quietly, as the realization hit him hard that he had lost her a long time ago.  
  
Felicity stood there, unable to move for minute after Noel left. Ben came to her and took her in his arms, whispering "I am so sorry, babe. I'm sorry that he put you through that. It's okay now, I am here."  
  
She wiped her tears on his shirt and let her head fall onto his chest, where she always felt safe. "That was it, wasn't it? I won't see him again, will I?"  
  
"No, I don't think that you will. But it is best that way, he doesn't respect you. I don't know that he ever did. He certainly doesn't love you, though he may have said that he did," Ben said softly into her shoulder.  
  
"I just can't believe it," she said as she came out of his embrace. "How did it get so bad? We used to be friends. Maybe we never were and I was just fooling myself. I don't know."  
  
"I'm sorry, babe. I know he meant a lot to you at one time. But I'm here," he said as he touched her face lovingly, wiping her last remaining tears with his finger. "Do you know how much I missed your face?"  
  
"I can't believe you're here," she said with a smile, as she started to recall that he was home a day early.  
  
"I know," he whispered as he continued to hold her face in his hands lovingly.  
  
"How come you are home early anyway?"  
  
"Well, I wanted to surprise you. But it didn't work out the way I had planned," he said with a smile, as he saw her starting to calm down.  
  
"I'm glad you came when you did. I am so happy to see you," she said as she moved closer to him, leaning in to give him a sweet kiss.  
  
They continued to kiss softly, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. "God, I missed you so much."  
  
"I missed you, too," she replied as they broke the kiss. "So, tell me, what were your plans for when you surprised me?"  
  
"Felicity, we don't have to do that now, you just had a hard time. I just want to hold you, I missed doing that," he said as he caressed her back and arms.  
  
"Ben, I am not going to let Noel ruin our night, I won't let him do that. My boyfriend came home early to surprise me and I have to thank him for that," she said as she moved him towards the bedroom.  
  
"Are you sure? I mean, we can just sit here on the couch or something," Ben said with concern.  
  
"Ben, I want to go to our room. Come on," she said as she led him into the bedroom by his hand. She closed the door behind her and turned to see him looking at her with such love and concern, she nearly cried. "Ben, I'm okay, really. I'm so happy to see you."  
  
Ben shyly smiled as she led them to the bed. When he sat down beside her, he was overcome with the love he felt for her and took her face into his hands. "I love you so much," he said.  
  
"I love you, too. Now, let's have the perfect reunion that you were planning," she said with a seductive smile on her face as she pushed him back onto the bed.......  
  
Sometime later, Felicity lay in Ben's arms as he caressed her back with his fingertips. "Oh, that feels so good," she murmured as she kissed him lightly on his chest, running her fingers just below that.  
  
Ben laughed and said, "Good, that is what I had in mind."  
  
"What else do you have in mind for me tonight?" she asked as she moved her hands just below the covers.  
  
"Hmmm....well, you will have to wait and see. Just let me catch my breath for a minute," he chuckled. Then as he felt where her hand went, he took a sharp breath in.  
  
"I think we need to have a repeat performance, whenever you feel ready," she whispered sexily into his ear. She laughed when she felt him grab her butt and move her until she was on top of him. "It seems that I have convinced you."  
  
"Yeah, you didn't have to work too hard at that," he said just before capturing her lips with his in a passionate kiss. It was a kiss that they both felt all the way to the tip of their toes. He rubbed his hands up and down her back and onto her butt, caressing her tenderly, but with anticipation. She brought her lips to his neck, kissing his earlobe and licking from his ear down to his throat in a manner that had Ben shivering and wanting more. He took her in his arms and moved her until she straddled him. He brought his hands to her breasts and circled each nipple with his thumb, watching in delight as she started to succumb to his touch. He brought his mouth to one breast and kissed it fully, before lying back down and moving her until he felt her body aching for him. She took him inside, slowly at first, then increasing her movements as their passion took them over yet again.  
  
She collapsed atop him and laughed softly. "I'd say that you caught your breath just in time."  
  
Ben laughed and said, "Yeah, I noticed that too."  
  
They stayed like that for some time, neither wanting to separate. He moved his hands through her hair and whispered again how much he loved her as their breathing started to slow. She moved off him slowly, then moved into his arms again. It wasn't long before they fell asleep, exhausted and fulfilled.  
  
The next morning, Felicity woke up to the feel of Ben's breath on her neck. He was planting soft kisses below her neckline and on her back. "Good morning, sleepyhead."  
  
"Hey," she said sleepily, rubbing her eyes for a minute. "How long have I been asleep? Is it real late?"  
  
"No, no, it's not late. You were real tired, I must have worn you out," he smiled.  
  
"Yeah, you did," she giggled. "It was a long night."  
  
"Yes, it was" he said, pausing to look at her closely. "Are you okay?" he asked with concern.  
  
"Yeah, I am good. I really am. I feel like I am finally home. You are back in my arms, so I feel the best I have ever felt."  
  
"That's good to hear," he said as he wrapped his arms around her once again.  
  
"Thank you for last night, for coming home and surprising me. What you did...what you said to Noel, I mean, it really meant a lot to me."  
  
"You're welcome. And you should get used to it, that is what I will always do, help you and look out for you. We're going to me married, you know. In case you've forgotten."  
  
"No, I haven't forgotten," she laughed. "Though I will be so glad when I can actually wear my ring. We need to tell everyone soon so I can show it off."  
  
"Okay, we will," he replied then kissed her on the top of her head. He was quiet for some time, before saying something else. "Felicity, can I tell you something?"  
  
"Sure, you know you can tell me anything," she said as she looked up at him.  
  
"You know that I enjoyed this paramedic thing, right?" he said somewhat reluctantly.  
  
"Yeah," she replied, encouraging him to continue.  
  
"Well, I am not sure that is all that I want to do. I mean, I feel like there is more to do than that. I don't know, I guess I've been thinking, I know this is crazy, but.... And you can't laugh at this," he said."  
  
"I won't," she said gently, encouraging him to continue.  
  
"I think maybe, that maybe, I want to be a doctor." He stopped and looked at her to judge her response.  
  
She just giggled, laying her head on his chest.  
  
"Hey, you said you weren't going to laugh. I mean, I know it may be crazy, but is it really that funny?"  
  
"No, no, Ben. That's not it. It's just you seem to have come to some conclusions over the summer and it's funny that is was I did, too."  
  
"Really, what?"  
  
"Well, I don't want to take away from what you were saying..."  
  
"No, go ahead. What have you been thinking?"  
  
"Well, I guess it was just a thought. When they had a class of kids in some summer program come into the museum for a tour, I ended up helping them out. And it got me thinking, I love kids. Maybe I could teach? Is that something you could see me doing? You know, teaching kids art."  
  
"Yeah, of course, you'd be great at that. All the kids would love art then," he said with a smile.  
  
"Really? Hmm...maybe that is what I should do then," she said softly. She paused for a moment, letting it sink in before saying, "So, a doctor, huh?'  
  
He laughed and said, "Yeah, is that stupid?" He looked at her with concern, really wanting to know her opinion of his idea.  
  
"Ben, I am certain, completely certain, that you can do it. You are caring and hard working and sensitive. You care about people, you always have. That is what will make you a great doctor," she said as she looked him straight in the eyes, ensuring he heard every word she said.  
  
"You really think I could do it, then?" he asked, still a bit unsure.  
  
"Yes, Ben. I am sure. Medical school will be tough, but it is for everyone. And if this is what you want, then I am sure that you can do it."  
  
"Thank you," Ben said softly, looking at her with adoration and love.  
  
"For what?" she asked.  
  
"For always believing in me. I don't know how or why you do, but it really...it really means so much to me," he said quietly.  
  
She looked at him with love in her eyes and said simply, "I know." 


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter 12  
  
The two weeks before their senior year started went by quickly. Ben had his clinical rotation and final testing to complete, and Felicity had a big project at the museum. They spent every moment they could together outside of work. Most every evening was spent fantasizing about their wedding day, and especially their honeymoon. Ben finally got Felicity to agree to Bali, and was so eager to go away with her, he often joked they should just elope so they could go ahead and go to Bali. Felicity just laughed and said, "no luck, my love." She was insistent on a beautiful, small ceremony with all those they loved in attendance.  
  
They also talked about when they would tell all their friends, but had to wait just awhile longer as Elena was still out of town. Ben was nervous when she said she wanted to invite her parents and have a nice dinner for everyone. They would even make like it was simply a birthday party for Ben, whose 21st birthday was coming up. And then they would surprise everyone with the news. He said, "I can see their expression now, complete disbelief and utter dismay." Felicity laughed and said he was being silly, they both loved him, especially her mom who now spoke so highly of him. "In fact", Felicity remarked, "I've been wondering about her change of heart about you actually. I wonder what happened." Ben just looked at her and smiled, pleased that her mother had not told her about his little speech, but glad it had worked.  
  
Ben said his mom was coming into town for his birthday anyway so it would work. He was excited to tell her about their engagement, as she was so happy when he told her that he was in love with Felicity. "She started crying and all, it was like I had told her I had won the lottery or something." Felicity giggled and said she was just happy her son was finally growing up, which made Ben tickle her and say "grown up, eh?." Ben did agree with that assessment though, saying he had never been so happy as when he knew that he was in love with her and that she loved him back. They talked about the first time they made love and how they both knew then that they were meant to be together.  
  
Meghan kept teasing Felicity that she was going to tell everyone that they knew about their engagement, which made Felicity all the more anxious for their dinner party. She could not wait to wear her ring and for all the world to know that she was marrying Ben Covington. The thought of it still made her giddy. She could not believe sometimes that it was true, that she was actually going to marry the love of her life. And now they each had plans for their future and their careers, and that made her feel like everything was going to be just perfect.  
  
Ben was a bit less certain of their future career plans and was in fact starting to really wonder about his decision to go pre-med. He wasn't sure, even after doing well on his paramedic test and being awarded his licensure, that he could really do it. He loved hearing Felicity's confidence in him, but he just didn't feel the same. And he was afraid of letting her down. So when he went to the registrar's office to change to pre-med and to talk to his counselor, he was not surprised at the response that he got.  
  
"Okay, pre-med. Let's see what classes you have taken thus far," his guidance counselor said as he looked at Ben's transcripts. "Hmm...you really haven't taken that many classes that meet any of the requirements. And you're going to be a senior right?"  
  
"Yeah. I know it may seem like I don't have any of the right classes, but this is really something I want to do. Do you think there is any way possible that I could do it? I mean, how many classes would I need to take?" Ben asked with uncertainty in his voice.  
  
"Well, it looks to me like you will need a lot of classes, in fact, even with taking 18 credits each semester there is no way you would be able to graduate pre-med. You'll need to take another semester at least to get all your credits in. Is that something you can do?"  
  
"Another year? I don't know. I didn't think it would be that bad. I don't know, maybe this is stupid," Ben said as he grew more discouraged.  
  
"No, it is not stupid, you just need to figure out if it is what you want to do and work as hard as you can to do it. It's possible, you just need to maybe work on your grades a bit. They aren't bad, but in order to get into medical school they will need to be better."  
  
"Yeah, I know," he said, then paused to think things over. He thought of Felicity and her belief in him, and how he could do anything. "Okay, sign me up for pre-med and let me know what classes I should take."  
  
When he got home to the loft, Felicity was there sitting on the couch watching TV. He was surprised to see her home so early from work.  
  
"Hey babe, you're home early," he said as he walked over and kissed her on the forehead, sitting down next to her.  
  
"We have been working so hard that Professor Morton let us off early today to make up for it. I thought maybe we could go out to dinner and a movie if you want," she said as she moved her hands across his chest.  
  
"Hmm..that sounds good," Ben replied, growing quiet.  
  
"What is it?" she asked, noticing he seemed a bit quieter than usual. "Nothing," he tried to say, but quickly noticed she didn't buy it. He laughed and said, "You know me too well."  
  
"Yes, I do, so spill it," she smiled.  
  
"Well, I went to talk to my guidance counselor and we talked about my pre- med thing and I need to take all sorts of classes so I don't know that I can graduate pre-med," he said sadly.  
  
"But Ben, we knew that might be a possibility, and didn't you say that you could get a Health Science degree with the classes you've already taken? Then you could take the rest of the classes you need later on," she said encouragingly.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," he replied, still quite a bit concerned.  
  
"Ben, what is wrong? Why are you doubting yourself now? You have been doing so well, even been excited about starting this semester. Don't get discouraged now. You've done so well, and you are a licensed paramedic now. Think of all the good experience you will get and how that will help you in med school."  
  
"I don't know, I guess I am not sure that I can do it. I mean, I know that you think that I can, and I try to believe that, but I don't know....I just wonder sometimes. And- and I don't want to, you know, let you down," Ben admitted.  
  
"Ben, you will never let me down. Just try to believe in yourself more, okay? You are such a strong, capable, smart person. I don't know why you can't see that," she said as she caressed his face.  
  
Ben leaned into her touch and sighed. "I don't know what I ever did to deserve you."  
  
"You don't need to deserve me, all you need to do is love me," she replied as she leaned in to kiss him lightly.  
  
"I do love you, more than anything," he whispered, looking at her with love.  
  
"Good. Then do me a favor, okay?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Try to love yourself as much as I love you, okay?"  
  
He giggled and took her into his arms. He kissed her on the cheek and whispered, "What time are we going to dinner?"  
  
Felicity laughed and asked, "Why? Do we have other plans before we go?"  
  
"Yeah, we do. That is if I get my way we do," he said and pulled her off the couch and led her into their room.  
  
They made plans to move into their new apartment the end of September, as that is when it was available. Until then, they would stay at the loft. They were actually enjoying it, as it was sort of practice for their new place. And since the one room was so small, they were really getting used to being in each other's space all the time. Felicity's clothes were all over his floor, in boxes and in suitcases. He joked that his bachelor pad was taken over and he would never have his own space again. But Felicity knew that he was glad to have her there, because she often caught him just looking at her stuff in the room and smiling.  
  
Ben had loved the apartment when she showed it to him, just as she knew that he would. It was a studio apartment in Brooklyn. It was in a nicer neighborhood then their last one, but was still within their budget, which was now going to be a bit more than last year since Ben was going to be working as a paramedic part time. The apartment had a simple kitchen that overlooked their living area. There was no living room bathtub, which they both joked was too bad. They had kind of liked that in their last place. The bathroom was the only separate area, everything else was basically the same room. Felicity's favorite part was the bed, which came down from the wall. She laughed and said that whenever the moment struck them all they had to do was pull the bed down and go for it. There was a beautiful window in the back that looked out over a small playground and picnic area that was shared by all the tenants of the building. Ben loved that the building was near a basketball court, so that he could play whenever he had the time. Felicity was excited about decorating their new place and Ben was looking forward to having a place to themselves. He was growing tired of having little privacy with her, and now they could make dinner and watch movies without worrying if others would walk in when they decided to take a break and make out.  
  
Elena finally came home from summer break the week before classes were to begin. Felicity was surprised to see her friend looking so happy, since before she had left she had been so despondent when she had realized she could not accept Tracy's marriage proposal. It turned out that Tracy had come to see her in Buffalo and had asked for another chance, this time with no marriage proposal. So they were taking things slow, and so far everything was going well. Felicity was very happy for her friend, and knew that she really loved Tracy, but just wasn't ready for marriage yet.  
  
The night of Ben's birthday party finally arrived. All of their friends were there, Meghan, Sean, Elena, Tracy, Javier, Samuel, even Richard. Everyone enjoyed the food and wine, and her parents seemed to enjoy talking to Ben's mom. They had met before in Palo Alto, but had never really talked much. Felicity was pleased they seemed to get along. When dinner was over and everyone was sitting and enjoying their evening, Ben tapped his fork to his glass and asked for everyone's attention. Ben was suddenly very nervous, so he took his other hand in Felicity's as they both looked at all their family and friends.  
  
"Excuse me, umm...Felicity and I have, we, uh, we have something that we would like to say."  
  
"Oh good, finally," Meghan murmured. Felicity just glared at her and Meghan didn't say a word in reply.  
  
"First, I wanted to thank everyone for coming to my party. It means a lot to me, to both of us, that you are all here. And I really appreciate all the presents. But... Felicity, she gave me the best present of all," he paused to look over at her, gathering strength to continue when he saw her face. "You see, this summer, I asked her to marry me, and well, she said yes." He looked at everyone with a big smile on his face, beaming with happiness.  
  
The room erupted with hollers and congratulations. Sean came quickly over and embraced Ben in a big hug. And Elena screamed, running over to Felicity and jumping up and down with joy. Javier started crying and said "oh my baby, oh my baby," over and over again, until Samuel finally had to calm him down. He then approached both Felicity and Ben, with tears still in his eyes, and gave them each a hug and kiss. Ben accepted the hug begrudgingly, but refused the kiss saying, "no way, man." Meghan just stood back and said, "I knew it," with a smirk on her face. But the reaction they were not expecting was Ben's mom's, who started to cry. Ben went over to her and hugged her tightly as she said, "I am so happy for you." Felicity's mom was a bit quiet, but said to both of them that she was happy for them, giving them both hugs.  
  
Felicity's dad continued to sit on the couch as everyone else was gathering around them patting Ben on the back and hugging Felicity. Ben noticed this and nudged Felicity to go talk to him.  
  
"Dad? How come you are sitting here?" she asked, a bit hesitantly.  
  
"Don't you think this is too early? I mean, you are both still so young. You have no idea where you are going to live after graduation," he said quickly.  
  
"Dad, can't you just be happy for me, for us? We are getting married, I don't know how every little thing is going to work, but I know that I love Ben and that I want to be with him the rest of my life."  
  
"I just think this is a colossal mistake, I mean have you really thought this through, both of you? You are still so young, what are you going to do when you graduate? What kind of jobs are you going to get?"  
  
Ben walked over at this point to stand next to her, listening to her dad's reaction.  
  
"Dad, I know you were disappointed with me changing majors, but I have a plan now, I want to teach art. It is something I really want to do. And more than that, I want to be with Ben. You have to know that, and I'd like it if you could respect it," she said strongly, taking hold of Ben's hand as she finished.  
  
"Well, I still think this is a mistake. But I know that you will do what you want to do." He paused for a moment, looking at them both. "And I will always be there for you," he said, then got off the couch to shake Ben's hand. "Son, I hope you know how wonderful a girl you are getting."  
  
"Yes sir, I know. And I want you to know that I will always do everything I can to make her happy. I love her. And she...she means the world to me," he said with conviction.  
  
"That's good to hear. Just take care of her, okay?"  
  
"Yes, sir. I promise."  
  
Ben watched Dr. Porter walk over to the group and exhaled. "Man, he is tough. I hope I don't mess up or he may kill me."  
  
"Ben," she said and just smiled at him. "He is just over protective. Don't worry about him," Felicity assured him.  
  
They turned around to look at his mom who was talking excitedly to Felicity's mom, who still seemed rather quiet, but was smiling. Felicity wondered if she was worried because she herself had gotten married young. But Felicity knew she and Ben were different and would tell her mom that.  
  
Just then, Richard approached them and said to Ben, "Hey, Mr. Slick. Looks like you are getting the old ball and chain. Me, I'm still playing the field."  
  
Ben and Felicity looked at each other and laughed, releasing the tension of the evening a bit as they shook their heads at their friend. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter 13  
  
The first week of classes started and Ben and Felicity began their new routine of classes and work. They spent each evening together and every other spare moment between classes. Ben had started his paramedic job a couple days before school started and was really enjoying the experiences. He worked two 12 hour shifts each week. He came home from his shift all excited to tell Felicity about what had happened. She told him every day how proud she was of him.  
  
But, Ben still had his doubts. He couldn't help but be intimidated when he saw his class syllabi and realized he had no idea what most of the subjects were about. He figured he had to buckle down and study hard or he was never going to make it. His first chemistry class was tough, he could tell that professor, Mr. Hodges, was going to be really difficult to please. And he seemed way too eager to scare people away, to weed out the unworthy people. And Ben feared that was him. But he tried to remain focused and told himself he would give it six weeks, then see where he was at and determine if he would continue in pre-med. He didn't tell Felicity that, because she seemed so certain he would succeed.  
  
It was the last day of the first week of classes, and Ben was on his way to meet with his guidance counselor to finalize what classes he would keep and the one he had been considering dropping, this challenging Statistics class. He wasn't sure he could handle that one on top of the really tough chemistry class. As he was walking there, he looked at the hustle and bustle on the streets of New York and smiled. He could still not believe sometimes that he lived in New York. He had fallen in love with the place though and could not imagine living anywhere else. He thought back to his first semester here and how he had escaped his life back home by moving to the big city. He knew it was a good decision and had only brought him great things, like Felicity. He smiled more just thinking about her and again his mind drifted to their happy times. He often thought about how it had all begun, how he had fallen in love with her. It gave him strength, gave him focus. Which he needed now more than ever as he embarked on his biggest challenge yet.  
  
Felicity was driving and Ben was flipping through the tour book about Yosemite. "It says here that they have campsites, would you like to do that?"  
  
"Hmm...camping in the middle of Yosemite? How would we do that, we don't have the equipment?"  
  
"It says you can rent it. Come on, it would be fun, don't you think?" Ben smirked as he looked over at her.  
  
"Don't look at me like that!"  
  
"What am I doing?" he smirked again. "You're giving me that look again, the one that I can't ever resist."  
  
"Oh good, I will use it more often then," he said and chuckled under his breath.  
  
"Really, you want to camp out? What if we see spiders or something?" Felicity laughed, trying to take the attention off her and how nervous she was at the idea of camping alone with Ben.  
  
"Ah come on, you said no more spider jokes," Ben looked down, embarrassed.  
  
They hiked some beautiful trails in Yosemite once they got there. The weather was perfect and the view from atop the peaks was amazing. Felicity did not think she had ever seen anything so beautiful in her life. They rented camping equipment when it started to get later in the day and found the camp site just as the sun was about to set. After setting up the tent, they sat eating sandwiches and enjoying the sun set behind the trees in the distance.  
  
"Wow, this place is so beautiful. I am so glad we stopped here," Felicity said as she wiped her mouth.  
  
"Yeah, it really is. So, what do you want to do now? You want to make a fire and roast some marshmallows?"  
  
"Do we have marshmallows?"  
  
"Yeah, I got us some. I couldn't get that silly campsite tradition out of my head. Plus, I thought you might like it," he said quietly as he looked at her face.  
  
"Well, I love the idea. Thank you," she said with a smile. Then she reached over and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"No, thank you. I mean, thank you for coming with me on this trip. It has been so much fun," he said, starting to reflect on their trip so far.  
  
"Ben Covington, are you getting sappy on me?" she asked with a grin.  
  
"Nah, not sappy, just...whatever. You know what I mean," he said nervously.  
  
"Luckily for you, yes I do know what you mean," she said smiling at his nervousness. "I am having a wonderful time with you, and am very glad I came with you."  
  
"Really? You don't ever think about what it would've been like to be with Noel in Berlin instead?"  
  
"No, not really. I mean, I am sorry that I hurt him, but I don't regret going with you, not at all. It's been fun getting to know you. You are...never mind," she started, but then got self conscious.  
  
"What? I'm what?"  
  
"You're a bit different than I thought you'd be, but still the way I imagined in a lot of other ways."  
  
"How am I different?" he asked curious.  
  
"I don't know, I guess I always thought of you as this amazing athlete and really popular with all the girls, and here you are with me, and it seems odd. I mean, you seem to be happy and you have been so sweet to me. I think...I guess you are just nicer than I thought you were, and more, I don't know sensitive."  
  
"What, you thought I was mean? Or insensitive?" he laughed.  
  
"No! I don't mean it that way. You know what I mean. You're not just some tough guy, you feel things. You're sensitive. And you're talking to me like I am a regular person and not some silly girl who followed you across the country," she said a bit nervously.  
  
"Of course I am. You know that I like you. And you are not silly. I admired you for that, following me. I'd never have the guts to do something like that."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah," he said smiling at her. "Besides, you are different too."  
  
"I am?"  
  
"Yes, you are. You're not as shy as I thought you were. And you're even smarter than I thought. And you really care about things, about people. And I have a lot of fun with you. I didn't realize how amazing you really were."  
  
Felicity looked down at the ground when she heard these statements about herself, not used to hearing such compliments and blushing a bit as she realized Ben meant every word.  
  
"Hey, I mean it, you are amazing. You're an incredible person and you're so beautiful," Ben said as he brought her face up to his so he could look into her eyes. "You are, you're beautiful."  
  
Felicity smiled at him slightly, awaiting his next move. It was one she had hoped for, as he brought his lips to hers. They kissed slowly at first, then it became more passionate. Their tongues moved in each other's mouths as they tried to quench their thirst for each other. Then Ben stood and led her into their tent. They lay on the sleeping bags, kissing each other into a frenzy, touching each other's bodies freely. Ben did not ever want to stop, and Felicity was losing herself in his touch. She could not believe it, but she was certain that she saw Ben look at her with more than just passion from their kisses. She was almost afraid to think it, but she wondered if he felt the same way she did. And later, as they roasted marshmallows over their fire, Ben thought to himself that this girl was so much different than any other he had ever been with. He could feel himself responding to her in different way, too. He couldn't put words to it yet, but he knew it was special.  
  
Ben smiled as he remembered that night and he knew then what he had not known then, that he had fallen in love with her over the course of their trip. He could not recall ever being so comfortable with anyone as he had always felt with her and it was because of that, he knew he had to succeed in his classes. He had to prove himself worthy of her love and do everything in his power to show her how much she meant to him. That was his purpose, that was his way.  
  
He was still thinking that when he sat in front of his guidance counselor. He told him he was considering dropping Statistics, and he did not like the response he got right away.  
  
"Ben, I really have to recommend against that. You really shouldn't drop any classes. You know that you need 18 credits each semester to graduate."  
  
"I know, but can't I sign up for something else. I mean, it just sounded really hard and with everything else I am taking, including that killer chemistry class, I just don't know if I can swing it," Ben replied.  
  
"Okay, but this is your first week of classes, you can't start second guessing yourself now. You need to stay sure of yourself. I mean, you're still committed to this right?"  
  
"Yes, sir. I am committed, I just want to be realistic."  
  
"Well, realistic means that your next two semesters are going to be hellish. You have to accept that and get moving. You won't get many second chances now, you are pre-med."  
  
Ben could feel himself getting more and more insecure as he sat there, but he shook it off. "I know, and I am ready for that. I know this will be hard, but it is what I want to do."  
  
"Then my recommendation is to stay with what you have and try your hardest to do the very best you can. And remember they are tutors, if you need that." Ben shook his head, "No tutors, I can do this on my own."  
  
"Okay then, I suggest you leave here and get to studying."  
  
"Well, Felicity and I, I mean, that's my girlfriend, we are going out tonight so studying will have to wait," Ben said. He noticed the way his counselor reacted though and added, "But I will study lots this weekend."  
  
Meanwhile, Felicity was enjoying her new semester of classes. She had been accepted into an Honors Art seminar with this amazing professor, Mr. Cavolo. He made her nervous because he had so many great ideas and she was not certain all the time that she could do everything he had in mind for the class, but it was still exciting. She also asked her counselor about taking a beginning education class and was looking forward to that. She was even going to get to observe a classroom, which was something that really made her happy. She had renewed faith in her decision to be an art major and to one day teach students about the world of art. Her dad still sent her little cards asking her if she was certain about not going pre- med, as he had seen this or that article about people, young and out of med school, doing great things. But she shook it off, knowing he would probably always long for her to change her mind, but she wasn't going to. She knew what she wanted in life and was not going to let him make her feel bad about herself.  
  
She and her mom had had many phone conversations about her engagement and her mom had confessed her concerns that she was too young. Felicity told her that she and Ben were certain of one thing in life and that was that they wanted to be together forever, so she knew no matter what else happened, they would be fine. Her mom was still worried though, especially about how they would support themselves out on their own. She reminded her about Ben's paramedic job, but did not tell her about his decision to be pre-med. Ben had asked her to not tell her parents until the first couple of weeks of classes were over and he knew for certain he would make it. She just smiled at him and said "of course you will make it, you can do anything." She never understood why he couldn't see things the way she did. Javier told her she was a romantic, and not everyone else was, which is why they got along so well. They were both incurable romantics, which only made Felicity giggle again as she remembered.  
  
Felicity was sitting on the couch at the loft reading her beginning education textbook when someone knocked on the door. She got up to answer it, since she was the only one at the loft at the moment. She was shocked to see Ben's dad on the other side of the door.  
  
"Oh, hi Felicity. I didn't expect to see you here," Mr. Covington said, with just a hint of nervousness after what had happened the last time he visited. "Uh, hi, Mr. Covington. I, I mean, we didn't know you were in town," she replied nervously, wishing Ben were home from his paramedic shift already.  
  
"Well, I didn't tell him I was coming. I wanted to surprise him."  
  
"Yeah, well he will be surprised. But he isn't home yet, he is still at work," she said as she realized she had better let the man come into the apartment.  
  
"Thank you, I won't stay long then. I can come back later. So, Allison told me the big news. Congratulations, "he said with a smile.  
  
"Yeah, thank you. Thanks. We are really happy," she replied with a small smile. Again she was overcome with giddiness when she looked at her ring.  
  
"Oh, is that the ring? Can I see it?" he said as he moved closer.  
  
"Yes, it is really pretty," she said, but only held her hand out, not letting him touch her, which he respected, only glancing down to look at her ring.  
  
"Yes, it really is. Ben did a good job, a really good job all around," he smiled at her, which he could tell made her nervous. "I know I made you uncomfortable last time I was here, so I promise to do better. I am really just here to see Ben, to see if he will talk to me again. Do you think he has forgiven me?"  
  
"I don't really know, he doesn't talk about it much."  
  
"Oh. Yeah, I guess that is to be expected. Well, I guess I better get going. Do tell Ben that I was here, won't you?"  
  
"Of course I will. Is there a number I should have him call you at?"  
  
Just as she said that Ben walked in the door. And he was less than thrilled to see his dad in the loft.  
  
"Hello son, I was just going to leave you my number at the hotel. I am glad to see you," he said as he approached him for a hug.  
  
Ben backed away and asked "What are you doing here?" He then walked over to Felicity's side, knowing she was likely still a bit uncomfortable with his father.  
  
"That's all the welcome I get? I know you are less than happy to see me, but I just heard from your mom about you and Felicity's engagement and I wanted to congratulate you."  
  
"Well, thanks," Ben replied in a dismissive manner.  
  
"Okay, well I can see you don't want to talk right now, but call me. I will be in town for awhile. I'd like to talk to you."  
  
"Yeah. Yeah maybe," Ben said without emotion.  
  
"Well, I will get going now. You two enjoy the rest of your evening," Mr. Covington said as he showed himself out.  
  
As Ben closed the door, he sighed and said "God, why does he show up like this? I don't need this."  
  
"Ben, I think he is just here to talk to you. He is happy that we are engaged, and he was really glad to see you I could tell," Felicity said, trying to calm him a bit.  
  
"Yeah, well I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to deal with him right now. I have enough to worry about with classes and all, I don't need him here breathing down my neck to make up with him or whatever," Ben replied somewhat more angrily than she expected.  
  
"Ben, what is the matter? He is your dad. I know he hasn't been easy to deal with, but he does care about you. He just wants to talk to you, just give him that one chance," she said as she moved closer to him.  
  
Ben moved away, walking toward their room. "Yeah, well I am not in the mood for it right now. I am going to bed."  
  
He left so abruptly, Felicity stood there for a moment, shocked. She had not seen Ben this upset in awhile and wondered what was really going through his mind. And if he would ever tell her how he really felt about his dad. 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14  
  
Felicity entered their bedroom a short while later. Ben lay on their bed, staring at the ceiling. She went over to the bed and sat down next to him. He didn't glance her way.  
  
"Ben, what is wrong? I mean, I know you and your dad have had a difficult time, but why are you so upset? He's just here to talk to you, to see if you can work things out," she said softly.  
  
Ben still didn't look her way as he said, "Well, that's not happening. He is a dick, always has been, and he will never change. I'm surprised he wasn't drunk just now."  
  
"Ben..." Felicity started, only to be interrupted by Ben's voice.  
  
He looked at her finally, and she could tell that he was exhausted. His eyes were heavy as he looked at her questioningly. "I don't even know why you care, after what he did to you last time. I mean, how can you stand to be around him? Aren't you uncomfortable?"  
  
"Yes, I'm a bit uncomfortable but he was pleasant and, and, he seemed like he was, you know, really regretful about how things happened ..."  
  
"Yeah, well he can be regretful all he wants. I am not going to give him another chance, I just can't," Ben said firmly and sat up next to her, placing his feet heavily onto the ground.  
  
"Ben, I know that he caused you a lot of pain, but he is your father. Maybe you should at least talk to him, see what he has to say," she said gently.  
  
"I have nothing to say to him. I don't. He has caused my mother and I nothing but grief and it is better if he is out of both of our lives. Trust me, it is better that way," he said as he looked at her. "Listen, I don't want you to worry about this. Really, you don't need to worry. I can take care of it."  
  
"I know, I know you think you can take care of it. But I worry that you are not allowing yourself another chance with your father, and that you will regret that later on. You can't refuse to talk to him the rest of your life. I mean, just think about it, okay? I think he just wants to talk, you don't have to say anything, you just need to listen," she said as she took his hand in hers and rubbed her thumb over his palm. "Besides, I hate to see you so upset. I want to help you if I can."  
  
"I know you do, but there is really nothing you can do," he said sadly, as he looked at his hand in hers.  
  
"I wish you wouldn't say that, Ben. I talk to you about my parents, and how they frustrate me and drive me crazy. I wish you could talk to me about your father..."  
  
"There really is nothing to say, you already know all of it."  
  
"I know, I mean I know what happened when you were younger and all, but what about now."  
  
"There is no now," Ben said firmly as he stood up off the bed and walked towards the door. "Listen, I don't want to talk about this, okay? I'm going to go get something to drink, do you want something?"  
  
Felicity looked at Ben and could tell that he was hurting inside. But the wall had gone up, and he would not let her in. She looked sadly down at the floor, thinking that they had come so far, but still had so much further to go. She looked up at him and said," Sure. I will come with you."  
  
She got up off the bed and walked over to him, placing her hand on his back. He smiled slightly and followed her out of the room.  
  
Later, Ben lay in bed unable to sleep. He could not stop thinking about his dad and why he had come here. When he had enough to worry about, with work and classes he was certain he was going to fail. He could not help but think he had come here on purpose, to cause him more pain and worry. And he hated him for it. He thought about the group he had gone to, and how he was not supposed to give into his anger. He was supposed to accept his dad's efforts at reconciliation. But he didn't know how. He just couldn't trust him again. And what he had done to Felicity last year, still upset him. He could not believe his dad could be so disrespectful towards her. It made him cringe just thinking about how he had kissed her. And although Felicity was trying to be helpful, and acting as if it was all in the past, he knew she couldn't really want to be around him. How could she?  
  
He didn't know what to do. Maybe Felicity was right, just talking to him couldn't be that bad. He would give him fifteen minutes and if he didn't like what he had to say, he would just leave. He didn't owe him anything. He smiled slightly to himself, thinking again how even though he fought it, Felicity was always right. He wondered how she did that, how she loved him so completely even when he was being a jerk to her. He looked over at her. She was turned against him. He reached over and pulled her into his arms, wrapping his arms tightly around her.  
  
Felicity, who had been awake herself, felt his embrace and smiled. She knew then that even though he could not tell her, he appreciated all that she had said. And that the wall would come down in time. She would eventually be let into his heart, in the part where he kept his pain about his father bottled up. She knew for certain that she could help him; that was what she wanted to spend the rest of her life doing, caring for the man that she loves. In the same beautiful way he does her.  
  
Ben did agree to meet his dad after all. They had dinner two nights later, at the hotel his father was staying at. It was a tense meal, as Ben did not really want to be there and his dad was trying so hard to convince him he had changed. But Ben would not listen to him.  
  
"Look dad, I've heard all this before. Do you know how many times mom and I have heard you say that you have stopped drinking and that you are going to change? I didn't buy it then and I don't buy it now," Ben said as he moved his fork around in his uneaten pasta.  
  
"Listen, Ben. I know that I have caused you and your mother a lot of pain, which I regret. But I am serious when I say that I have changed. I haven't had a drink in almost ten months, I am going to AA. I am working again, at a great firm that believes in me."  
  
"That's great, dad. Not sure they should, but that's great."  
  
"Ben, come on. How long will this go on? Can't you just give me another chance and let me be your father again? I just want another chance with my family."  
  
"How many chances do you think you get? I mean, mom and I, we gave you lots of chances and all you ever did was hurt us more. I can't ever forget how you treated her. You remember, you pushed her against the wall once, left a huge gash on her head. And all she did was tell you that it was okay. I can't live like that anymore. I just can't," he said firmly as he got up from the table.  
  
"Ben, where are you going? You haven't even finished your meal," Mr. Covington said as he stood up next to him. "Listen, I just want you to hear me out. And I want the chance to be your father again. To prove to you and your mom that I have changed and that I can do better."  
  
"That's what you told mom all the time, and look what you did to her. Look, I can't talk to you anymore. It's always the same crap over and over. Just go on home, I don't want to deal with this."  
  
Ben turned away from the table and was about to leave when he heard another customer gasp. He heard his father repeatedly cough. When he turned, he saw some blood running out of his dad's mouth. And his napkin was smeared with more.  
  
"Dad, what is wrong?" he asked with alarm. He moved back over to him, asking "Why are you coughing up blood?"  
  
Mr. Covington started to shake and felt himself grow weak. He leaned against the table for support. "I – I don't know. This happens sometimes, and it usually goes away."  
  
"What? This has happened before? And you didn't get checked out?" Ben asked with both irritation and shock in his voice.  
  
"Yeah, well it's no big deal. It'll pass," he said just as he felt himself fall onto the table.  
  
Ben rushed over to him and picked him up. "Dad, I think you need to go to the doctor. This may be serious. I'm a paramedic, I know what I am talking about. Just go to the hospital okay?"  
  
"I don't need that, I'm fine," his dad insisted.  
  
"Dad, don't be so stupid. You can't even stand up. Come on, let's go." Ben led him out of the restaurant after paying the bill. As they were walking out to the street, his father collapsed. Ben rushed into the restaurant and called an ambulance.  
  
Felicity met him a short time later at the hospital. Ben stood up and immediately took her into his arms. "I am so glad to see you," he whispered.  
  
"I'm glad you called me. And there is no place else I'd rather be," she said as she rubbed his back gently.  
  
Ben came out of her embrace and looked at her. She could tell he had been fighting tears. They sat down on the bench and he took her hand in his, as if to remind him she was still there.  
  
"Ben, what is happening? What is wrong with your dad?"  
  
"I don't know yet for sure, but the doctor thinks it might be liver failure. You know, from all the drinking," he said quietly as he looked at the floor.  
  
"Ben, I'm so sorry. I know that you argued with him, you told me that, but you are here with him now. That is good. It's good that you are here to support him."  
  
"Yeah, well I don't know why. I mean, he did this to himself. If he hadn't drank so much he wouldn't be here," Ben replied as he looked again at the door to the emergency room.  
  
"I know, I know why you say that. But he's sick. Everything else doesn't matter. We just have to hope that he will be okay," she said gently as she looked at him.  
  
"Felicity, I just don't know why this keeps happening to me. I mean, as if I don't have enough to worry about. I can't be sitting here like this, I have too much to do. I'm going to fail my test tomorrow, that is for sure."  
  
"Ben, no you are not. We will go home and study when we leave here. We can stay up as long as you need to so you feel prepared."  
  
"I guess," he said with reluctance. "I just- I just can't believe all this. I mean, I can't even keep my head above water where my classes go, and now this."  
  
"Ben, everything will be okay. You just need to calm down. Here," she said as she brought his head to her shoulder. "Just rest right now. I am here. I am not going anywhere."  
  
Ben let his head fall onto her shoulder with a heavy sigh. "Thank you," he said quietly.  
  
"Of course," she said as she rubbed her fingers through his hair.  
  
Ben was quiet for quite some time. He felt himself calm down the longer she held him. He finally said," I am really worried, I have to admit. I shouldn't be I guess, after all he has done, but I am."  
  
"I know you are. It's okay. He's your dad and you want him to be okay, even if he isn't really a part of your life."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I guess so," he whispered as she held him closer. They stayed there for quite some time, just holding onto each other, Felicity slowly stroking her fingers through his hair. 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15  
  
Ben's dad stayed in the hospital for several more days, as the doctors ran more tests and monitored him closely. The doctors determined it was indeed liver failure and that he would need to eventually have a liver transplant. Ben tried to focus on his studies, and not worry too much, but it was very difficult for him. He checked on his father every day, at least over the phone, but could not bring himself to go see him every day. He called his mother and she was very upset by the news, saying that she would come to NY as soon as she could. Felicity tried to get him to go to the hospital each night, but he kept insisting that the doctors had it under control and he did not want to see him like that every day. She understood it was hard on him and gave him her support.  
  
Ben could not help but resent his father's intrusion into his life. He felt like he was a kid again, and he was waiting for the next blow his father would have on his life. He felt consumed by anger, but the worry he felt, reduced it some. He just wanted his father to be out of his life, and he did not want to have to think about it. But, at the same time, he was afraid to lose him. He knew Felicity meant well by trying to get him to talk to his dad, but he hated that she was worrying about him. He tried to distract her with going out to dinner or taking walks in the park, but she always brought the conversation back to his father. He told her finally that he just didn't want to talk about it, and that he would when he was ready. She seemed to understand and had been quieter since.  
  
Before he knew it, it was time for them to move into their new apartment. And the excitement and chaos surrounding it definitely got Felicity focused on something else. She was brimming with happiness, and seeing her like that made Ben smile. It seemed as if, for a few days, all his worries disappeared.  
  
"Ben! Ben, come on. We are going to be late. We have to get to the landlord's place in 15 minutes," Felicity cried impatiently.  
  
"Hold on a minute, I am trying to pick up this incredibly heavy suitcase. What the hell do you have in here anyway?" Ben asked as he came out into the room.  
  
"Sweaters," Felicity replied with a smile, as she looked around anxiously.  
  
"Sweaters? You have got to be kidding me. How can sweaters weigh this much?" Ben teased, as he leaned over to give her a kiss on the temple.  
  
"There is no time for that, we are going to be late. We can get the suitcases later. We have to sign our lease."  
  
"I know, I know. You have told me that at least five times now, I know. Don't worry, we have time. I just want one more kiss in our old place. Can't you just give me that?" Ben snickered, as he leaned in to kiss her.  
  
"No, you are not pulling that. We will be back here and you know it," Felicity said as she lightly pushed him away.  
  
"Oh, I can see already how it will be living with you. I will never get any action any more, it will be all serious all the time," Ben joked.  
  
"Stop it, that is not true and you know it. I just want this to be perfect, you know that."  
  
"I know. And I love you for it," Ben said as he kissed her on the cheek. This time, Felicity did not push him away. They headed out the door together, hand in hand.  
  
It was indeed perfect. They moved into their apartment on a Friday afternoon, all by themselves. They did not have much to move, besides clothing and personal belongings, as the apartment came furnished. Ben kept trying to take a break from unpacking by pulling the bed down from the wall. He would look over at her and say in his sexiest voice, "you wanna take a break?" But Felicity was firm, she would only reply, "we have to put all this stuff away, then we can take a break." Ben gave up for the moment, and went back to unpacking.  
  
They ran into each other several times as they were moving things around. The apartment was small, and it was crowded with boxes as they tried to get things organized. Ben let her decide where to put the forks this time, saying adamantly they had did not care where they went. He smiled thinking about the last time they did this, and how much more comfortable he felt now. It just felt right to be moving in with her. And he loved watching her work so hard to make everything perfect. The way she was so serious, and concentrating so hard, made him realize yet again how lucky he was.  
  
Felicity was working on hanging her clothes in the closet and realized quickly that they did not have enough room for all her stuff. She was not used to sharing closet space with someone and kept trying to move his stuff around.  
  
"Hey! Stop moving my stuff to the side. You can't have this whole closet. I need room, too. How can you have so many clothes anyway? I mean, you never wear half of this stuff anyway."  
  
"What? I love my clothes, all of them. I just wait for the perfect time to wear them. Besides, you don't have that many clothes anyway, so why do you care?"  
  
"Huh? I don't have that many clothes?"  
  
"No, you tend to wear the same ones over and over."  
  
"What? I do not," Ben replied strongly.  
  
"Yes you do! I mean, this one here, it has a tear in it, but you still wear it at least once a week."  
  
"No I do not. And you are one to talk, with all these sweaters. I remember seeing you in these things freshman year, and thinking why does she hide herself in these things?"  
  
"I didn't hide myself," Felicity replied adamantly.  
  
He took a sweater off the rack and held it up to her, giggling as he saw how serious she had become. "Look, it is so big, it practically swallows you."  
  
"What? No it does not. This is my favorite one," she replied seriously, taking the sweater from him.  
  
"Well, I think we should retire all these sweaters, and you should have to wear only tank tops, like this one," Ben whispered as he took his hand and touched the skin beneath the strap of the top she was wearing.  
  
Felicity smiled and said, "There is no way I am retiring my sweaters, they bring back too many memories. Besides, I like them."  
  
"Well, I still think you have too many. Look at this closet, there is practically no room for my stuff."  
  
Felicity did have to admit when she looked at it that her stuff filled up at least two thirds of the closet. "We'll get one of those wardrobes at the store, we can put your stuff in it. That way I can have all of this space."  
  
"Oh, I see. It's all about you, then is it?" Ben snickered as he put his arms around her.  
  
"No, I am just trying to put an end to this conversation. You are making fun of me," she said with a pout as she looked down.  
  
"Hey, I'm sorry. You know I am just having fun. Why don't we take a break now, so I can properly apologize," Ben said with a sexy smile on his face, as he leaned in to kiss her neck. Felicity did not resist as he led them away from the closet. She smiled when he pulled the bed down from the wall, knowing he would do this many times to come...... Later, they lay on the bed, their arms wrapped around each other. "I'd say we christened our new place rather well, "laughed Felicity.  
  
"I thought you'd like that," giggled Ben in response. "But that was only practice, our real christening of the apartment is yet to come."  
  
"What? What are you planning?" Felicity asked with a smile.  
  
"Nope, you will just have to wait and see. I'm just disappointed that we don't have a living room bathroom like we did in our last place."  
  
"Oh yes, so you could let some supermodel in here to use it," Felicity teased.  
  
"Hey, I told you that was a mistake and I didn't mean for that to happen. I was overwhelmed that day."  
  
"Yeah, that was obvious," she said with a serious look on her face. Ben looked down with slight embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."  
  
Ben looked back up at her, "Nah, it's okay. I didn't handle that all very well. But I was just- I don't know, it was too much. It's not that I didn't want to live with you, it was...."  
  
"It was too soon," Felicity finished.  
  
"Yeah," Ben replied.  
  
"And now?"  
  
"And now, it's perfect. Really, I am so happy we are doing this. I am going to love living with you. Even if you do take up too much room with all your sweaters."  
  
Felicity laughed and then turned more serious. "Ben, I really love this place. I know it's crowded and sort of small, but it is our own place. We have our own apartment, just the two of us. And I feel..." her voice trailed off as she thought about what she wanted to say.  
  
"What, you feel what?" Ben asked gently, as he rubbed her shoulder.  
  
"I feel like I am dreaming. I mean, I always wanted this and now it is here. And I'm just so happy," she said realizing she had started to cry tears of happiness. She looked down, only to have Ben take his hand under her chin and lift her eyes to his again.  
  
"Hey, look at me. Felicity, I am happy, too. You are everything to me and living here with you, it's.... you have no idea how much this means to me," Ben said as he looked at her, turning her face so he could wipe her tears away.  
  
Felicity smiled at him and kissed his fingers, wiping her cheek against his hand. "I love you," she whispered simply.  
  
"I love you, too." They lay there together, with Ben gently stroking her back for quite some time. "So, do you want to get something to eat?"  
  
"Yeah, that could be good. I am starving. You wore me out," she said as she looked at him playfully.  
  
"Good, but be sure to save some energy, because I am not done with you yet," Ben replied with a mischievous grin.  
  
The next day they decided to paint the apartment. Ben was slightly frustrated by this as they had finally got all the furniture arranged the way she liked it, and then she decided she didn't like the color of the walls. So off they went to the store to buy supplies. It was quite an adventure, he didn't think she would ever figure out what color of paint she wanted. And she talked the whole way home about how she was going to do some special brush strokes to give the room some definition. She was determined to make it feel more bright and airy, since it was such a small place. Ben stood back and let her take charge, as he didn't see any choice in the matter. He simply awaited her next command.  
  
"Okay, now I want the roller brush. Can you hand it to me?" Felicity asked.  
  
Ben only looked at her in response, smiling as he did. Felicity rolled her eyes at him and said, "What? We are almost done here. Can't you help me and stop smirking at me like that?"  
  
"I'm sorry, it's just you have this little bit of paint on your chin, and some on your nose, too. It's a whole new look for you," he giggled.  
  
"What? Why didn't you tell me, I would have rinsed it off. Let me go look in the mirror," she said as she moved towards the bathroom.  
  
Ben took this opportunity to take a paintbrush and dip it in the yellow paint and then snuck up behind her, saying "Wait, I think I can get it." As she turned around, he grinned and brushed the paintbrush across her nose, down to her mouth.  
  
"Ben! Ben, stop it! I can't believe you," Felicity shouted, shocked at what Ben had done. "I will never get all this paint off of me now! Look at what you did."  
  
Ben only laughed. He walked towards her and gave her the paintbrush. "Here, now it is your turn, you can get me."  
  
Felicity looked seriously at him and said, "No, I will be the mature one. I am focused on our job here, while you seem to be unable to stop playing around. "  
  
"Oh yeah? But it is so much more fun," he replied as he tackled her and started to tickle her. She cried out with laughter and before she knew what she was doing she had smeared paint all over his face and hair. Ben giggled in delight, happy to see her loosening up a bit.  
  
Finally, they stopped laughing and Ben let his hands fall from her stomach. "See, I knew you could do it. Isn't this more fun than constant work?"  
  
"Yes, yes, it is. Thank you. But now we both need a shower and I was not done with my painting."  
  
"Well, I think you have done a beautiful job," he replied as he looked at the room. It was painted the faintest yellow, with a white lining that looked sort of like clouds. And around the window in back she had painted small green and blue flowers. It really made the room feel more like a home.  
  
"Thanks, but I didn't do all this alone. You did help me some, though you did it begrudgingly," she teased.  
  
"Hey! I was just trying to stay out of your way. You were on a mission and I was not going to mess it up."  
  
"Well, thank you. And thanks for making me laugh," she stopped, growing more serious. "I know I take this stuff really seriously, I am sure you think me a nut case."  
  
"No, I do not. I love how serious you are. I always have. It turns me on, "he replied as he leaned down to softly kiss her on the lips. "Now, I say we move this little party into the bathroom," he whispered.  
  
Felicity laughed as she asked, "are we finally going to christen our place the way you had planned?"  
  
"Yep, after we get all this paint washed off. We have a tradition to uphold." Ben led her into the bathroom, where they helped each other undress. Felicity laughed as she saw how much paint she had got in his hair. Once they were undressed, Ben leaned in to start the shower. The bathroom had a really large tub with a shower despite the small size of the rest of the apartment. Ben was very pleased with this as he led her into the tub.  
  
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her next to him. He captured her mouth with his and kissed her passionately. They both laughed under their breath as they tasted paint on their lips. He moved her head back and watched the water run down her hair, washing the paint from her face as it went. He rubbed his hand through her hair and saw that his motion made her smile the sweet smile that was his alone. She stood back up and turned so he was standing under the water. She returned the favor, washing his hair with her hands until all the paint was gone, washed down the drain. When he leaned back up, he looked longingly at her and moved until their bodies were firmly pressed together. "I was going to suggest a bath, but now I don't want to stop," he whispered as he licked her neck.  
  
"Then don't, "she whispered huskily.  
  
And he didn't. He moved so she was pressed against the wall. He moved his hands until they captured her breasts, circling her taut nipples with his thumbs. Felicity gasped with pleasure and kissed him on the neck, licking her way up to his earlobe. This elicited a moan from Ben as he moved his hands down her back to cup her butt. All the while he trailed kisses down her neck to her shoulder and then to her waiting breasts. When Felicity didn't think she could take it any longer, he moved his lips back to hers. She reached down and wrapped her hands around his firm butt. "Now, Ben, now," she whispered.  
  
Ben moaned her name and lifted her so that her back was against the shower wall, and her legs were wrapped around him. He entered her slowly, and she groaned at the feel of him. He increased his movements, unable to quench his unending desire for her. As their movements became more passionate, Felicity began to say his name again and again. This sent him over the edge, and he kissed her fully on the lips as he felt himself explode inside her.  
  
Ben let her legs fall to the floor of the tub, as they both steadied their breathing. He held her face in his hands as he looked at her "are you okay?" She opened her eyes and replied "better than I have ever been."  
  
Ben smiled his crooked grin, "I'd say our place is properly christened now." They both laughed and then Ben wrapped her into his arms. They stood there for some time, enjoying the water as it massaged their spent muscles. 


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16  
  
Felicity entered their apartment a couple weeks later bursting with excitement. She had a romantic dinner planned for Ben and her that night. She smiled when she thought about what she planned on wearing for their evening. A simple black gown with thin spaghetti straps. A blush came across her cheeks as she thought about what would happen later, when Ben pulled the straps down. She could not wait to be with him, things had been so much more hectic than she had ever expected. Ben was engrossed in his studies, and had even joined a study group. He was with them every Wednesday night, studying late and she used that night to paint and focus on her project for her Honors seminar. But she missed him and she wanted to spend more time with him. That was what this night was about for her, getting the romance back. She felt like things had changed so much. He was working hard on his paramedic shifts and really seemed to be enjoying what he learned. But she wanted to share more with him and it was hard knowing they had such separate lives. All they had together, it seemed, was this place.  
  
She looked around, taking in the small place that had become her home. When she entered the door to the right was a small kitchen. She laughed when she first saw the appliances, a half stove and a small dishwasher almost too small to hold anything at all. The refrigerator was small too, but for as little as the two of them cooked that was okay. The bathroom was to the left. It was tiny, as the rest of the apartment, but it had already been filled with so many wonderful memories. She smiled, thinking about the many times in the last couple weeks she had surprised Ben in the shower. And they had made up for the small size with the enormity of their passion. The rest of the apartment was one room, with two small closets, one on each wall behind the kitchen and bathroom. There was a large window looking out over the sidewalk in back of the apartment building. Ben loved the simple flowers she had painted around it's base to add some color to the room. She wanted their place to be bright and airy, to make up for the bug infested place in Brooklyn. Ben still teased her about that hellhole apartment and she only laughed and said "well at least I didn't let a male model use our living room bathtub."  
  
The furnishings in the room were sparse, as neither of them had much money to add to the modest sofa and end table that the apartment came with. Besides, there was not much space in the room once the bed came down from the wall. They did buy a simple black TV stand and a small desk at a garage sale in town, but neither were of very good quality. Felicity vowed to find better furniture one day, and some that she could refinish when she had more time. By the window, sat the table that Elena had bought last year. She did not need it any longer and had given it to them as a house warming gift. It was their new breakfast nook, and Felicity loved to decorate it with fresh flowers when she had the chance. Felicity decorated their walls with some of her art, including the one Ben had bought last year. He didn't really want it on the wall, said it reminded him of when they broke up and how stupid he had been. But he gave in when she told him the picture was more about how she understood him and that he had known what the picture was about. That had meant so much to her, still did today. She had found a way to reach out to him when he was upset with her, and he had allowed her back into his heart. Ben told her he would never act like such an idiot again, to which she had replied, "but you are my idiot, and I love you." She laughed just thinking about how he had tickled her and they ended up making out on the couch, both glancing up at the picture afterward as they lay in each other's arms.  
  
Felicity went into the kitchen and got to work. She began to make her favorite recipe, her mom's rosemary chicken. Ben loved it and she wanted him to have everything he wanted on their night together. She could not wait to see him again, she had missed him this morning when he got up early to go to class. She had overslept and went straight to work at Dean and Deluca, where she had devised her plan for tonight. Javier was thrilled when she told him.  
  
"Ohhhh, Benjameen will love that. He will be like pooty in your hands."  
  
Felicity laughed, "Pooty? Javier, it is not pooty. It's putty. You are too funny."  
  
"Hey, no making fun of me, that is not fair. I am just trying to help you and the big romantical man. You can't forget that I was your cupid."  
  
"Oh no, I can't forget that," she replied with a smile.  
  
"Besides, who is letting you get off early so you can go cook your fantastic meal. You and your man will have all sorts of fun times and I will be stuck here working the rest of your shift."  
  
Felicity leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Did I tell you thank you? If I didn't, thank you. You are the best boss in the world."  
  
"Well good, at least you know that. You are not so engrossed in your luscious story that you forget who your friends are."  
  
"Of course I don't. You know how much you mean to me. I just...I don't know, I just miss him. I feel like- like since we moved in together, and we worked so hard on fixing the place up that first weekend, that we haven't had any time together. He has been so busy. I know what he is doing, pre med, is really hard, and I am so proud of him, but I feel like he is off in another place, that I am not a part of."  
  
"Ah, my sweetheart, you know your Benjameen is just trying his hardest, he is working so hard for you. He told me that himself, he wants to be perfect for you. He has always wanted to do better, be better, for you."  
  
"Really? He told you that? Why can't he tell me things like that? He doesn't really talk about what drove him to do pre med. I guess I just figured he liked the paramedic training and was interested in medicine because of that."  
  
"Oh my friend, how naivete you are sometimes. Ben does everything for you, just like you do for him. It is the true love that drives you both. It's like the story my mama told me about her father and her mother. Did I tell you about that? You know Marguerita and her...."  
  
"Yes, Javier, you told me," she giggled, cutting him off before he told the story for the hundredth time. "I really need to talk to Ben more, I feel like he doesn't tell me things. Maybe- maybe he still feels some sort of pressure. I know he said that once about me, I hope I am not doing that to him again. I never mean to, I just want him to be happy and I know that he can do anything."  
  
Javier leaned in and gave her a hug, whispering into her ear, "My dear, he knows you love him, that is all he needs to know. You over worry, just stop. Go on ahead and make your guy his big meal. And remember, you gotta come by tomorrow and tell me all the juicy details. And don't leave out a thing."  
  
Felicity just laughed and said "Oh Javier."  
  
Meanwhile, Ben was lost in his studies at school. He was at the library cramming for his mid terms next week. He was so worried about the exams, but he tried to just prepare as much as he could. The study group had helped, he liked studying with other people. It gave him new perspective on things, and he felt like he remembered more of what he read when they talked it through. But that chemistry professor, he was still being such a dick, trying to discourage all of them. He and his buddy Trevor joked about how they were doomed in that class, so they might as well give up and go drinking. But they never did. They were both determined to do well, Trevor for his dad, who was a big shot surgeon, and Ben for his Felicity.  
  
He finally looked at the clock and realized it was almost 10pm. He had no idea where the time had gone. Felicity was probably worried about him, she had been off her shift for a couple hours now. He was likely in trouble, so he gathered his things and quickly headed back to the apartment.  
  
He still could not believe he was living with her. Every morning he woke up and saw her lying next to him and he felt so whole, so complete. He never wanted to go anywhere, he just wanted to stay in bed with her all the time. But he had to get to work, or to school, or to study group. There never seemed to be enough time and he knew it was hard on both of them. Felicity seemed to be enjoying her art classes and her projects kept her busy, but he knew his schedule had become quite hectic. He was so exhausted most days that he just collapsed on bed, falling asleep right away.  
  
He thought back to simpler times, when they had spent all their free time together, even skipping studying just so they could be together. But things had changed, everything was so much more difficult now. He knew it was all for their future though and he kept his mind on the ultimate result. Seeing his father so ill, and so near death, had given him renewed focus. He had even been doing well on his quizzes and the chemistry labs were improving. It was hard work, but he was determined to do well. He was nearing the six week marker he had set for himself and he realized that he was going to make it. He was not going to give up, he was going to stay pre med. He would not have believed it was true last year, when all he wanted to do was spend his every waking moment with Felicity.  
  
Ben lost himself in his memories as he continued his walk home. Sometimes this was all the break he had, walking to and from school and home. And he spent every thought on Felicity.  
  
"Ben! Ben ,wake up. You gotta see this," Felicity cried, leaning over to shake his shoulder as he lay asleep against the door frame.  
  
"What? What? Can't a guy sleep around here?"  
  
"Come on, wake up. We are here. We're at the ocean."  
  
Ben looked out the window and he saw that she was right, they were at the coast. Felicity had pulled the car onto the beach while he had been sleeping. She had taken the last leg of the trip, after they left Yellowstone.  
  
"Ben, isn't it beautiful?" Felicity said with a wistful sigh.  
  
"Yeah, I'd say it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," Ben said, only looking at her when he said it.  
  
"Stop it, I am talking about the ocean. Don't be so silly," she blushed.  
  
"What? I can't think my girlfriend is beautiful? I do, I think you are the most beautiful woman ever."  
  
This only caused Felicity to blush even more. "Oh Ben," she managed to say as he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.  
  
"Come on, let's get out of this car and enjoy the ocean air," he said as he leaned over to open her door.  
  
They both piled out the door and took in the ocean and the breeze. The sun was starting to set off in the distance and the sky was a magical mixture of orange and red. Ben took Felicity into his arms and leaned against the car. They stood in each other's arms for quite awhile, both enjoying the sensation as well as the beautiful surroundings. Felicity took his hand and moved so she was standing next to him, with their backs leaned against the car.  
  
"Do you think we will get in trouble for getting the Baby all dirty with sand?" she asked.  
  
"Nah, we can always sweep it out. I think the Baby needs some sand, gives it a bit of character."  
  
Felicity laughed and leaned over to kiss him softly on the lips. They both smiled when their lips parted. They went back to watching the waves, with Ben's arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closer as he planted soft kisses on her cheek and neck.  
  
Ben was still thinking about this as he walked into the apartment. The first thing he noticed was the smells, he could tell that Felicity had been cooking. He kicked himself for being so late. He glanced into the kitchen and saw that his nose had been right. He moved into the room and saw Felicity seated on the couch.  
  
"Hey, I'm sorry I am home so late. I didn't know that you – that you were making us dinner," he said quietly.  
  
"Yeah, well it was supposed to be a surprise. I know you have been studying so hard, I wanted you to have a break," she said sadly, not looking up at him.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't know.," he said, moving so he was seated on the couch beside her. "Hey, look at me. I'm sorry." He moved her face so she was looking at him.  
  
"I don't know why I am surprised, you have been so busy lately. I shouldn't have done this, you – you didn't really have the time. I shouldn't be so upset I guess."  
  
"No, it's okay. But don't cry. I am just busy, you know that."  
  
"I know, I know you are. But I miss you, I mean we haven't even had any time together lately and I feel.....I feel like you don't have time for me anymore."  
  
"That's not true, you know that. We make time for each other," Ben said gently as he took her hand in his.  
  
"Yeah, a little bit on the weekend, when you are not working or studying. But we never go out anymore. I wanted to go to that art show last weekend and you said you couldn't. I just want to have fun with you, like we used to. I miss you, "Felicity replied with a slight tremble in her voice.  
  
"I miss you, too. But you have to know how busy I am. I am working two shifts a week, taking 6 classes, and trying to study. You know what pre med is like."  
  
"I know, I remember. But I thought when we moved in together we'd have more time, but we have less. I feel like we just live together and I never see you."  
  
Ben stood up from the couch, looking down at Felicity still seated. "Look, I am sorry that I missed dinner. But I can't do everything and be everywhere. I just can't. These classes, they're tough and I can't not study. I'll never make it if I don't study, you know that. I am not smart like you."  
  
"Ben, I am not- I'm not saying you shouldn't study, that's not it. I know your classes are very hard, and I am proud of you. But, but... I feel like we have to schedule our time together and that- that is just so weird. We used to..."  
  
"We used to do a lot of things, Felicity. But life is not as simple as you'd like it to be, okay? I have a lot of things going on, your life is a lot easier than mine. All you do is draw and go to painting classes, while I...."  
  
Felicity took a sharp intake of breath and stood up. "Well, I am sorry that my classes are not as challenging as yours, or take up as much time as yours do."  
  
"Felicity, come on. That is not what I meant and you know it," Ben said quieter.  
  
"Just never mind. I can tell that you don't understand what I am saying anyhow," Felicity said, moving toward the door.  
  
"Where are you going? Of course I understand what you mean, don't you think I wish things were easier too? I do. But that is not life. I can't help how busy I am. It's just the way it is, why you can't see that?"  
  
"I do, Ben. I know that you are busy. But I wish that part of what you were so busy doing was being with me," she whispered. "I am going to go for a walk. Go on to bed. Or you can eat the food, it is cold but I made it so you should eat some."  
  
"Felicity..." he said as he moved towards her.  
  
She moved further towards the door, "It's okay. I just need to get some air. Go ahead and eat. I will be back later."  
  
Ben just nodded as she went out the door. "I love you, "he whispered as the door closed behind her. 


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17  
  
Felicity entered the apartment about an hour later and found Ben seated on the edge of the couch. He stood up immediately as she entered the room.  
  
"Hey, I was getting worried. Are you..are you okay? I mean, I am sorry for what I said, I didn't mean..." Ben said all in a rush as he moved towards her.  
  
"No, you don't need to apologize. I should be the one apologizing to you. I was walking around thinking and ... and I am just so sorry. I know that you are working so hard, studying and all because so you can be the best doctor you can. I should not have tried to make that out to be..."  
  
"No, it's okay. I understand. I miss you, too. This has not been easy, and I know you must be hurting. I am sorry I didn't talk to you about it, that you had to get so upset," Ben said as he moved to take her hand in his. ""Come here, let's sit down."  
  
Felicity sat next to him and looked at her hand in his, rubbing her thumb over his palm. "Ben, I just feel like we don't have enough time together. I don't want us to drift apart. I'm scared that will happen."  
  
"What? That will never happen. I love you," he said as he touched her face. "We will figure this out. Listen, I don't want you to worry. I promise things will get better, and we will make plans to spend time together. I don't want you to be so upset. I hate for you to feel this way."  
  
"I know. I didn't mean to sound so needy. I hate that I hurt you and that I left you here alone."  
  
"It's okay. It gave me some time to think. And I really want you to understand something. What I said about your art, and how it is easy or whatever, I didn't mean that. I just...."  
  
"No, Ben. It's okay. I know you didn't...."  
  
"No, let me finish. You really enjoy your classes, and you are so good at it, I don't stop to think that it can be hard for you. I mean, you are so great, you are so talented, it seems like you wouldn't have to work so hard. But my classes, they are different. I am not good at this stuff, and it is not easy for me. I really have to study and to tell you the truth, I hate most of it. But I have to learn it or I can't become a doctor. Which is what I really want to do."  
  
"I know Ben, and I am so proud of you."  
  
"I know, but I don't think you understand how much I envy you."  
  
"What? Why do you envy me?" she asked curiously.  
  
"You get to study things that you really like doing, and that you are incredibly good at. It comes easily to you, like running or swimming does to me. But I have to go to classes that mostly confuse me and really don't interest me that much. I have to make it through and it is really hard sometimes. I am not sure that I can do it. And you, you really love what you do. You have fun with it and I can tell you are happy. I know I will get to that point one day with my work, but right now, I am not."  
  
"Ben, you can do it. You know I have faith in you, you can do anything."  
  
Ben blushed slightly and touched her leg gently. "I don't think you know how much you amaze me, you always have. I feel like you can do anything. And I know you feel that way about me, but...I don't know, I have a hard time believing it sometimes." He smiled, "but, I think I am getting there."  
  
Felicity smiled back at him. "Good, I am glad to hear that."  
  
"Look, I am sorry for what I said. I don't ever mean to hurt you. You have to know that is the last thing I ever want to do. So please forgive me for what I said."  
  
Felicity smiled at him and then leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. "You are forgiven."  
  
Ben sighed with relief. "Good. I forgive you, too. I actually forgave you about a minute after you walked out the door."  
  
They both laughed. Felicity said, "yeah, I am sorry about that. I won't walk out on you like that again."  
  
"Good, that really scared me. I don't like it when we fight, I feel like you might,,,I don't know, not ever come back."  
  
"Now look who's being silly," she said as she playfully swatted his arm.  
  
Ben laughed and then looked at her intently. "Really, I want you to remember something. Even when I am busy, you are always the first thing I think about, the only one I really want to be with. When I am at school, or at work, I think about you. And I want you to know, I am doing all of this for our future, for you and me. So, so when after we get married and I am done with med school, if- if you want to have kids, you can stay home with them. And not have to work. And..."  
  
"Ben, you think about us having kids?" Felicity asked with slight shock in her voice.  
  
Ben blushed, looking down as he said "Of course I do, I mean, if you want to. Someday."  
  
She grinned at him. "I think that would be wonderful. We could have a little Ben junior one day," as she rubbed his thigh.  
  
"Oh, I don't know. I think about a little girl with long curls, who looks just like her mommy," Ben replied. They both laughed at the thought.  
  
Then Ben leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. Felicity brought her arms around his neck and they embraced. They sat there holding each other, relieved that their fight was over.  
  
"So, are we okay now? We aren't mad at each other anymore?" Ben whispered.  
  
"Yes, we are okay. More than okay," Felicity said, smiling as they broke their embrace.  
  
"Good, then can we take this into the bedroom. I am beat."  
  
"Sure, come on," she said as she stood up from the couch. She took Ben's hand and he followed her into the bedroom. They got into bed quietly after changing clothes, looking at each other with relief and happiness. The tension had disappeared, and was replaced with the gentle calm that always surrounded them when they were overcome with their love for each other. Felicity lay with her head on Ben's chest, as he whispered again how much he loved her and how they would make this work. The last thing Ben heard before he drifted off to sleep was "I love you, Ben Covington. I can't wait to be your wife." 


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18  
  
The next morning Felicity woke to the feel of Ben rubbing her back softly with his fingertips. She turned and saw him lying next to her with a pensive look on his face that soon turned to a bright smile when her gaze turned to him.  
  
"Hey," she whispered.  
  
"Hey," he replied, then leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. "I wasn't sure if you were going to wake up or not."  
  
"Yeah, well I must have been tired. I'm sorry, I hope I haven't made you late to school or anything," she said, looking at the clock.  
  
"Nah, I decided to skip my first class today...."  
  
"Ben, you don't need to do that. Just because we...."  
  
"No, no, I wanted to. I mean, I want to stay here in bed with you for awhile. We- we had a rough night, I want to hold you for awhile."  
  
"Yeah, we did. But we're okay."  
  
"Yeah, we're okay," he said with a smile, leaning over to kiss her softly on the lips. The kiss continued for a few minutes as they cherished the feel of each other.  
  
Felicity broke the kiss and looked at him seriously. "You know Ben, I really am sorry about last night..."  
  
"There is no need for you to apologize, we just said we are okay. I don't want you to worry, we will always have time for each other. I will make sure of it."  
  
"Yeah," she replied, smiling at how serious he was. She knew he meant his promise.  
  
"Now, enough talking. We need to make up appropriately," Ben replied, leaning in to kiss her ear.  
  
"Oh yeah? What would that involve?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. Why don't you surprise me?" Ben replied with a snicker.  
  
They looked at each other and laughed. Ben took her into his arms and held her close to him, breathing in the scent of her. Felicity felt herself immediately respond to his gentle touch as he began to touch her. Their mouths met in a passionate kiss as their hands glided over each other's bodies. They made love tenderly and slowly, telling each other how much they want and love each other. Later, as they lay wrapped in each other's arms, Ben said, "I just want to stay here like this forever. I don't ever want to leave."  
  
"I know, me too," Felicity sighed.  
  
But life had to continue. There were classes to attend, tests to study for and work to be done. Ben continued to study hard and many nights they had only an hour or so to spend together. But they made the most of it. Felicity surprised him many days with a portrait she had just finished. Once she even surprised him with a portrait of him, from one night when she got up to draw him as he slept. He was completely overcome with how beautiful it was and how much love she had put into it. Ben loved to see her so happy with her work and he could tell their conversation had eased her worries a bit.  
  
Their life became more complicated a few weeks later when his mom came into town. His dad was still in the hospital, in an inpatient acute rehab unit. His liver was still in poor condition and they were waiting for a transplant. He had tried to leave the hospital on one occasion, and had actually made it for a few days, but then he became too weak and ended up hospitalized again. His mother was very worried and spent a lot of time sitting with his dad at the hospital. Ben did not understand why she was so worried, since they had separated long ago. Felicity tried to reassure him that his parents must still love each other, because she had seen the way they interacted. She was certain that Ben's mom was simply trying to care for the man who used to be her husband. Ben was not convinced and worried that his mother would fall back into his dad's trap and get hurt all over again.  
  
Ben was surprised when one day he came home from work to find his mom and Felicity laughing loudly.  
  
"Oh my God! You have got to be joking. I can't believe Ben did that!"  
  
"Oh yes, there he was, my little Benji, dumping a bottle of ketchup all over the floor. He was only two at the time, and he was already into constant mischief. He was a bad little boy sometimes."  
  
"Hey, what's going on here? You guys talking about me?" Ben asked as he came into the apartment.  
  
"Oh hey, "Felicity replied, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek. "Yes, your mom was telling me all about you when you were a little boy."  
  
"Yeah, I heard that. But mom, you could have told her a good story at least."  
  
"Ah, Benji, don't you worry, we talked about the good stuff, too," his mom replied, patting him softly on the arm.  
  
"Mom, don't call me that. That's embarrassing."  
  
"Come on, I was just teasing. You are too serious. I am just having a little fun here with your beautiful fiance."  
  
"Well, that I will not argue with, she certainly is beautiful." Ben leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, as Felicity blushed at the compliment.  
  
"Okay, well I will leave you two alone. I know you must want some privacy. But Ben, we need to go to the hospital first thing in the morning. Your dad wants to talk to you about something important."  
  
"What? I can't go first thing in the morning, I have to study."  
  
"Ben, it's important. He really needs to go over some things with you. I think he is worried about what is going to happen and he wants us to be sure we understand what his wishes are," his mom gently replied.  
  
"Yeah, I know, but I need to study. I have a big test next week. Can we maybe do it after that?"  
  
"Ben, I don't really think so. Just be ready at 8 or so. I will come get you."  
  
"Yeah, okay, whatever," Ben replied begrudgingly.  
  
"Okay, then I am going to go. See you tomorrow."  
  
They said goodbye and then Ben sat down heavily on the couch. Felicity could tell he was worried and sat beside him, resting her hand on his knee.  
  
"Ben, I can go with you tomorrow if you want. It might be hard, what he has to say."  
  
"No, you don't need to do that. I mean you were going to the studio to meet with your professor. You don't have to change that."  
  
"No, I want to. I want to be with you."  
  
Ben sighed and looked down at the floor. "Felicity, I know you want to help me with this, but there really isn't anything you can do. And I don't want you to worry. We have enough going on to be worried about my dad. I mean, you know how he is, how he has been. I just don't want you to worry about it."  
  
"I know Ben, but I do worry. He is your dad, and he is going to be my father in law one day. I want to get to know him and I want to help you through this. Look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I know you must be scared, despite what he did. Your mom said you really were good with him at the hospital the other day, that you really listened to him and talked to the doctors...."  
  
"You and mom were really talking huh?"  
  
"Yeah, we were. I was glad to talk to her. She's a wonderful woman. I can see why you protected her and why you love her so much. I love her already. Besides, I like to hear what you were like when you were a child. We never talk about that stuff. Like how you always tried to cheer her up by playing games with her or making her a bowl of ice cream."  
  
"Yeah, I did that. But it was because of my dad I had to do all of it. I mean, he was...you know how he was," Ben trailed off.  
  
Felicity touched Ben lightly on his arm. "I know. And I know it is hard to forgive him for all of that, but what is going on right now, how sick he is, that is more important. Just go with your mom tomorrow and listen to what he has to say. That's all I ask."  
  
Ben smiled and took her hand in his. He sat stroking her palm as he thought of what he wanted to say. Finally he said, "You're the best, you know that? Even when I am kind of pissed or I don't want to talk about it, you somehow know what is right and you make me feel better. I don't know how you do it. How you have such patience with me."  
  
"Well, you do the same with me. And I do it because I love you. I want you to always know that I am here for you."  
  
"I love you, too. Thanks, thanks for everything," he whispered. Felicity smiled kissing him softly, and no words were needed in reply.  
  
Ben did go to see his father at the hospital the next day. He was surprised when his father asked him to be his power of attorney in the event he is unable to make decisions for himself. At first, he refused, saying it just didn't make sense. But when his mom encouraged him, and after hearing his dad's concerns, he agreed. His dad had moments on some days where he was a bit incoherent and he was afraid he would not be able to respond to the doctor's questions related to treatment. And he wanted to make sure his wishes were understood. Ben ended up taking the responsibility very seriously, reading up on his father's options for treatment and reviewing with him his opinion about each of them. Meanwhile, Felicity was engrossed in a large art project with Dr. Cavallo and another student. She spent some evenings at the art studio, while Ben was studying, working closely with him. They were to present their work at an art show in three weeks so the pressure was on to get their work done and done well. Felicity was so engrossed in her latest piece, a series of abstract paintings, that she often found herself at the studio well past midnight. She was determined to impress her professor, who she had such respect for. He had taught her so much already and she was pleased with how many compliments he had given her. She did not want to let him down.  
  
One night she was working at the studio, intently painting, when Cavallo came into the room to check on her progress.  
  
"How's it going here?" he asked, looking at what she had done thus far.  
  
"Oh hi, I didn't expect you to be here this late. Things are okay, a little bit slow, but I think I am getting it."  
  
"Yes, I'd say you are. It looks good, very good composition here and I like the way the shadow is falling across right here," he said, leaning in to show her what he meant.  
  
"Oh, thanks," she replied, blushing. "I wasn't real sure about that."  
  
"No, I think it looks good. Just keep going," he said encouragingly, touching her lightly on the arm.  
  
"Yeah, okay."  
  
Cavallo leaned in a bit closer, looking over her shoulder. Felicity kept trying to concentrate, but she was distracted by him looking so intently at her work. Finally she said "I don't know, I might call it quits for tonight, I am pretty tired," she said, becoming slightly uncomfortable with the intense scrutiny.  
  
"Okay, well then I will see you tomorrow. Good job, it is really beautiful."  
  
"Oh thanks, I will see you tomorrow." Felicity smiled as she turned to leave the art studio, shaking off any worry she had had a moment before. She was certain he was just very interested in her work and wanted to encourage her. She would try to forget about how he had seemed to discreetly smell her neck and how closely he had stood to her. She was sure it meant nothing and she was overreacting. "I am just tense, I need to calm down" she said to herself as she walked home. She was happy to be heading home; she had a long day and was ready to go home to Ben's waiting arms. The thought of it made her smile and she continued home with no other thought in her mind other than Ben's arms wrapped tightly around her. 


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19  
  
Before they knew it, Thanksgiving was here. It was a rough holiday for Ben, as his father was still in the hospital. He had gotten worse yet again, and both he and his mother were deeply worried. Ben took to spending lots of time at the hospital with his mom, comforting her as she cried. His dad had made it very clear that he did not want to be on life support, but his condition continued to worsen and the doctors wanted to proceed with aggressive treatment. Ben and Felicity spent the holiday with Elena, Tracy, Sean and Meghan at the loft. It was good to be with their friends, and they enjoyed reminiscing about all their college memories. But Ben did not stay long, as he needed to get back to the hospital.  
  
As they sat waiting to talk to his mom, who was in at his father's bedside, Felicity gently rubbed Ben's thigh, reassuring him without words that she was there for him. Ben sighed and looked at the floor.  
  
"I don't know what to do, I mean he said he didn't want the life support, but if they don't put him on the vent, he may die. And..and mom, she can't handle that, we can't...I don't know what to do."  
  
"I know, this is very hard. But remember what the doctors said, about his liver and how they think he might have a chance? That if they were able to stop the respiratory problems, they'd have more time to find a liver."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I know. I just keep remembering what he said, that he didn't want this. But his liver, it's so bad, and we might have a chance if they can get the other problems resolved. I hate that he put me in this position, I can't stand that I have to make this decision."  
  
"I know, Ben, but he obviously trusted that you would handle things right. He had that faith in you, and that's a good thing, right?"  
  
Ben shook his head with disbelief, "I don't know, I think he did this on purpose. He knew I would not want to make these decisions, so maybe this is his way of telling me he wants to give up. That mom and I should just let him go. All that we've been through, maybe he knows it has been too much....I don't know." Ben's head sunk as all the stress started to overcome him yet again.  
  
Felicity moved closer, rubbing her hand through his hair. "Ben, I think you should talk to your mom. See what she has to say. Maybe you can make the decision together. You don't have to do this all alone. Do you think you can do that?"  
  
Ben looked up at her and she could tell he had tears forming in his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I can do that. I just hate to see her so upset. I could never take that, you know, before. When I was a kid."  
  
Felicity just nodded and took his hand in hers. Ben looked at her intently before speaking again. "I'm sorry that we are doing this on Thanksgiving, this is not what I had planned at all."  
  
"It's okay, really. Ben, I want to be here, to help you through this."  
  
"I know, I just hate to worry you about these things." He sighed heavily, looking at her hand in his. "Why don't you go on back to the apartment and I will be there soon. We can have some of that dessert that Meghan gave us."  
  
"Are you sure? You don't want me to stay?"  
  
"No, no, go on ahead. I can do this."  
  
Felicity could tell that Ben was putting up a bit of a wall, and decided to leave him to sort out his thoughts. She stood and gave him a kiss on the cheek before heading back to the apartment. Ben sat there awhile before getting up to head into his father's room.  
  
A week later, things were getting a bit more hectic as the semester was drawing to a close. Ben could not believe that he had almost made it through his first semester of premed. With all that he had gone through with his dad, he was certain he was going to fail his classes. So he spent many a late night cramming for his finals. Meanwhile, his dad had made some improvement after Ben had decided to put him on the life support after all. His dad had been less than pleased, but he had explained to him that he and mom wanted another chance with him. This made him very happy and he started to improve almost immediately. Though Ben had said that partially just to appease his mom, and to encourage his dad's recovery, he was starting to believe it a bit himself. Maybe they could be a family again. But he still felt such a wall when it came to his dad, he just didn't know how to stop feeling so angry. Felicity tried to encourage him that he had been given another chance with his father, but he did not know how much he wanted to risk.  
  
And he started to talk less and less to Felicity about it, so she began to worry again. He seemed to be so preoccupied with his work, and studying, that she tried to convince herself that it was nothing against her. But she still wondered and could not help but fear he would not ever share all of his worries with her. She wanted so much to be a bigger part of his family, but he kept trying to distance her from it all. She figured he was trying to protect her from worry, as he had told her before, but she could not shake this bad feeling that she had. She spent a lot of time with his mom, whenever she could in fact, and they became fast friends. She loved learning about him as a child, but the more she learned, the more she grew to understand the man she loved had it far worse than she had ever imagined. And why would he not tell her about these things? Felicity continued to work hard on her art projects with Professor Cavallo. She tried to keep late night contact with him to a minimum, after that one uncomfortable moment in the studio. But he kept saying things to her, seemingly sweet comments, but ones that still made her uneasy.  
  
"That's a really good piece, I love the colors you chose," remarked Cavallo as he looked at her work one afternoon in the studio.  
  
"Oh thanks," Felicity said, blushing.  
  
"You know that art show the week before Christmas, you should bring that one. I think it would really get a lot of bids."  
  
"Really? I wasn't even thinking about that when I did it."  
  
"Oh? I was sure you wanted to go to that art show, after how well you did at the last one."  
  
"Yeah, I know, but I don't think selling one piece is that great. It was probably just a friend who bought it anyway."  
  
"Not at that price," he remarked with a knowing smile. "Let's plan on going to the show together. You can wear a real nice dress, and we can really show you off."  
  
Felicity blushed, looking at the floor. "I don't know, I am not really sure I will even be in town. And I don't have anything that fancy to wear...."  
  
"Nonsense, I am sure you do. You are very beautiful and you always look great."  
  
The compliment made her immediately bristle, as she noticed the way he looked at her as he said the words. She turned away, putting her paint brush down. "Uh, I really need to get going now. Ben is waiting for me...."  
  
"Okay, but you really outta think about it. It would be great. You're doing a great job with this program, and the world should know that."  
  
Felicity packed up her things and made a hasty retreat. "Yeah, yeah, I will." She did not notice the girl who had been staring at them from across the studio. Nor did she see how Cavallo smiled after her, long after the door was closed.  
  
Ben was walking to work the next day when he ran into his friend Trevor. "Hey, man, where are you off to?"  
  
"Oh hey, Trevor. I am going to work. What are you up to?" "Just going to the deli to meet my girlfriend. How are classes going for you?"  
  
"Oh, they are ok I guess. I think I totally blew O-Chem though."  
  
"Oh, why is that?"  
  
"I missed last week's class, because I had to work longer on my paramedic shift. That Hodges guy is such a dick. When I got to class, he wouldn't open the door. Locked me out, can you believe that? So I missed the quiz and my grade just sank even lower than it was before."  
  
"I'm sorry, man. I'm sure you will do great on the final though, you've been studying like a mad man. I see you at the library practically every day."  
  
"Yeah, I gotta study or I am never going to make it."  
  
Trevor just smiled at that, knowing his friend is very serious about his studying. "So, how's things with Felicity?"  
  
Ben smiled at the mention of her name. "Things are good. We can't wait for winter break, we are going to Florida for a few days."  
  
"Man, that sounds terrific. I bet you will have a great time."  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure we will. Anything beats this place, working all the time. I need a break. And Felicity is just what I need," he said smiling.  
  
Trevor hesitated before saying, "you and Felicity, you are good right? I mean, that is what you said? Even with how busy you are, with school and stuff?"  
  
"Yeah, we're good." Ben could tell something was on his friend's mind. "Why are you acting so funny? What's up?"  
  
"Well, you know my girlfriend, Heather, she goes to the art studio, and she saw Felicity there yesterday...."  
  
"Oh yeah, that's cool. Maybe they can start hanging out. Is she an art major?"  
  
"No, she is an art history major, but she loves to draw." He paused before continuing. "Anyway, she saw Felicity there and she was talking to her professor, you know that guy, Cavallo, or something?"  
  
Ben stopped walking and said "Yeah, it's Cavallo. He's her honors seminar professor, what about him?"  
  
"Well, she said they were talking, like real close, and she heard him say something about them going somewhere together and Felicity getting, you know, all dressed up for it, or something...."  
  
"What?" Ben asked sharply.  
  
"Yeah, that is what I said. I am sure it means nothing, but I thought you should know. You know, maybe you can ask her about it."  
  
"Yeah, I .....I don't know, I am sure it is nothing. I mean, she's probably just working on something with him...." He stood there a moment, letting it sink in and became more uncomfortable by the minute. He did not really believe she could be doing anything with her professor, but why did he feel so unsure all of a sudden? "You know man, I am sure it is nothing. I gotta get to work now."  
  
"Yeah, okay. I'm sorry if I upset you, I just...."  
  
"No, it's okay. It's nothing, I am sure of that. Thanks, man. I will see you later." But after Trevor left, and he made his way to work, he could not help but worry about Felicity and her professor. What if she was getting tired of me working to many hours and studying all the time? What if the guy hit on her and she was just so happy for the attention that she responded? I have not been spending enough time with her. She's feeling lonely. And she's mad that I won't tell her about my dad, and how I feel about him. Maybe she is getting back at me. No, no, she wouldn't do this. Felicity would not do that to me. But maybe she just misses me so much she was glad to have someone interested in her. God, what have I done? His mind continued to work against him so that by the time he got to work, he was a complete wreck. He could not concentrate on his work at all. He found himself unable to even hear what his partner said, his mind was so wrapped up in this affair he was now afraid Felicity was having. He wanted to go home and talk to Felicity right away, but he had 6 more hours on his shift. He didn't know how he was going to make it through. 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

At that very moment, Felicity was rushing towards Elena's. She hung her head down as she walked the streets of New York, wiping back tears as she went. _I can't believe I have been so stupid_, she chastised herself. _Why did I let this go on? What am I going to do? _Her thoughts kept running through her head at an incredible rate as she questioned herself again and again. _What will Ben think when I tell him? I can't tell him about this, he would be so upset. _By the time she got to Elena's she was distraught.

"What the hell happened to you?" Elena asked as she opened the door.

"Can I come in?" Felicity asked quietly.

"Of course," Elena replied, closing the door behind them.

Felicity went across the room and sat down heavily on the couch. Elena sat down beside her. "Okay, what is going on? Is it Ben? You two are okay, right?"

"No, no, it's not Ben. We are okay. I don't know how to tell you this, or even if I should, or even if I am imagining things. But I figured you'd understand since you went through something like this, well not exactly like this, freshman year. You know with McGrath. I don't know, never mind, I don't even know what I am talking about. I just didn't know what to do. I can't go home to Ben like this."

"Whoa, slow down. Why don't you start from the beginning?"

Felicity wiped a tear away and then started talking. It amazed her how good it felt to just get it all off her chest, she hadn't realized how much it was all affecting her. The more she talked, the more sense it made to her- she had been mistreated and she needed to do something about it. "So, we were talking again, and he was- he was.....looking at my painting and well, I can't believe this, but he- he leaned over and kissed me on the top of my head. And I didn't know what to do, I mean- why did he do that? I..I told him to stop. And he- he just- I can't believe this- he-he touched me on the face. I couldn't look at him. I stood up and ran out of there as fast as I could. I don't know what to do..."

"What do you do? I tell you what you do, you report the bastard as fast as you can. He is a total scum. He can't treat you like that. Come on Felicity, you know that. I can't believe you have been going through this. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, I don't think I really realized what was going on. I mean, I kept thinking it was nothing and I was imagining things. And then he would do something, like give me this big compliment and I'd get to feeling- I don't know..."

"Dirty? Uncomfortable?"

"Yeah, very uncomfortable," she sighed, looking at her friend. "Thank you. I knew you would understand."

"I'm glad you told me, but you can't feel bad about this. You didn't do anything wrong. It was all him. He's like the scum of the earth and you need to turn him in. Like that girl last year turned in McGrath."

"I don't know, I can't do that. I mean, he is my professor. I should just talk to him..."

"Talking to him, that won't cut it. He is mistreating you. Felicity, come on, you came over here in tears. You know what you need to do," she paused, taking Felicity's hand. "Look at me. Listen, I will go with you. So you don't have to do this alone. I know it may not seem possible, that this is even happening, but it is. And you have to stand up for yourself. I mean, this is harassment. It's a crime."

"A crime? I don't know, Elena. I just don't think he means to be this way.."

"Felicity, I love you, you know that. But you have always been way too naïve. You can have all the faith in the world in other people, like Ben and your friends, but this guy doesn't deserve it. Just think about how you've been feeling. How he's made you feel."

Felicity paused, thinking it over some in her mind. "I guess you're right. I mean, when I am in the studio I feel like I can't even concentrate sometimes because I am afraid he will walk in. I don't want to be around him and I feel so weird with Ben sometimes. Like what if he knew, what would he think."

"You haven't told him then?"

"No, I haven't told him. How can I? He'd just want to beat him up or something and he can't handle any more stress. He is overloaded as it is."

"Felicity, that's bull. He's your boyfriend, let him be there for you. You do it all the time for him. Look at how you've stood by him, with what is going on with his parents and all. He'd want to be here for you. You've gotta tell him."

"I know, I will. I just can't do it right now. I wanted to come talk to you about it first. I don't know what to do next."

"What you do now is go home and get some rest. And take a nice bath to calm down a bit. And then tomorrow you and I will go to the counselor's office at school and turn this bastard in."

Felicity laughed, grabbing Elena for a hug. "Thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You're welcome. You've helped me through a lot, too. That's what friends are for. And I gotta say, I'm glad you told me and not Meghan. She'd take off right now to do a spell to make his balls fall off or something."

Felicity laughed again, grateful for her friend's support.

Meanwhile, Ben was shaking his head in disbelief as he walked home from his paramedic shift. _I can't believe how much of a moron I am. I am in so much trouble_. He continued to battle himself as he walked, going over and over in his mind what he had just done. _I can't believe how stupid I am. What is Felicity going to think?_ He shook his head. _What will she even care? She's too busy carrying on with that....no, no, no! She is not doing that. I'm just exhausted and stressed out, I need to calm down. _As he approached their apartment door, he began to take several deep breaths so he did not appear as worked up as he actually was. _I don't want her to see me like this. I am just going to ask her point blank...._

When he opened the door, he heard tears coming from inside. He closed his eyes and willed himself forward. He moved further into the room and found Felicity lying on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. She sat up when she heard him step into the room.

"Oh, hey. I'm sorry, I was going to have something ready to eat for when you got home..."

Ben hesitated and didn't move as quickly as he should have to her side, feeling a bit afraid of the reason for her tears. "Hey, what's – what's going on? Why- why are you crying?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I just had a bad day. I'll be okay. How was work?" She said, trying to compose herself because she did not want to overwhelm him right away when he got home. She promised herself not to do that. _He's been through so much_, she thought.

"You don't seem okay to me. Are you sure there isn't something you want to talk about?" Ben inched his way over to the couch, finally seating himself beside her.

"No, it's okay..."

"I mean, you seem upset. Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No. Why are you asking me these weird questions? I am fine, I told you that. What's the matter? Yyou seem all tense or something. Did something happen?"

"No, I want to hear about you," Ben replied, with tension in his voice

"Ben, what is wrong? Did something happen at work?"

"No, nothing happened."

"Yes, something did, I can tell" she paused. "Why can't you tell me these things? We aren't talking as much as we were. I don't even know what is going on with your work. Or with your dad. I miss talking to you."

"Can you please stop it!" Ben said in a tone that was harsher than he meant as he stood up. "I know you feel like I am not talking to you enough, but I am doing the best that I can. I told you that before. I can only do so much. I'm tired of feeling like I am disappointing you."

"Ben, what- what are you..."

"Is all this why –why you got with that Cavallo guy?"

"What? I – I..."

"Trevor's girlfriend saw you, she saw you two talking about some party or something and you were all close or whatever. What's going on? I mean, are you....I can't even say it."

"What? Ben you think I am....oh my god, you are so wrong. You have no idea." She sat down and put her hands over her face, falling into tears.

Ben sat down beside her heavily. He touched her on the top of her head, feeling himself soften as he watched her dissolve into tears. "I'm sorry, I am. I shouldn't think like that, but I just- I don't know. I was just worried it was true."

"Ben, how can you think that?" she raised her head up to look at him. "I would NEVER cheat on you. I can't even believe you would think that. Besides, you have no idea what is really going on. You have no idea..." her voice trailed off as she looked down at her lap as tears fell down her face.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said all that. Please look at me," he said, lifting her face to look into her eyes. "Please tell me what is happening. Tell me."

"Oh, Ben, I don't even know how to tell you this. I don't want you to worry, I can take care of it..."

"Felicity, please just tell me what has you so upset. I'm sorry I overreacted. What? What is it?"

Felicity hesitated, looking down for a moment. "I don't know. Everything got so screwed up. I mean, I've been working with Cavallo on these projects. And- and it was okay, but he started acting kind of weird."

"Weird how?"

"He- he started touching me, like on the shoulder or whatever, and making these big compliments about my work in front of class, and about how beautiful I am..."

"What?" Ben said with mounting alarm in his voice. "Felicity, what happened? Did he hurt you?"

"No, no, nothing like that. He just makes me uncomfortable, you know. I just tried to ignore it, or I thought maybe I was imagining things, but then, tonight, he..he...he kissed me on the top of my head, and he tried...he tried to touch me.."

"Felicity, what- why didn't you tell me?" he said as he touched her hand with his own, gently rubbing his thumb over it.

"I don't know, you have so much going on..."

"Felicity, you are the most important person in my life. You come before everything else, you know that."

"I know, I know that. And that means so much to me. I don't know, Ben. I guess I am just sort of embarrassed, I mean how could I be so stupid."

"Why are you embarrassed? You didn't do anything wrong. He was harassing you. You have no reason to feel bad."

"I know, I mean I understand that now. But I think I just wanted him to respect me and my work, and I have such admiration for him as an artist, I just couldn't believe this was happening. But I know I have to do something about it."

"Yeah, you do. We both do."

"Ben, you don't need to do anything. This is for me to handle. Elena and I, we will go and...."

"No, that is good. I mean, you should turn him in. But I am also going to have to kick his ass for doing this to you. I seriously want to go rip his head off right now, for making you feel like this."

Felicity laughed for the first time since Ben got home. "Rip his head off? I don't think he deserves that."

"You think I'm joking? I'm not. I will kick this guy's ass." He said with a slight smile, as he noticed her start to relax.

"Ben, please. You don't need to get in a fight with him. I thank you for wanting to be my hero, but I can handle this. I am just glad I told you about it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

"Me, too. I hate to think of you going through this all alone," he looked at her and saw she had calmed down some. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "Listen to me for a second, I know that things are tough around here sometimes, and I work a lot. And studying takes up a lot of my time. But I want you to remember something." He turned her face to his, so he could look into her eyes. "I meant what I said earlier, you are the most important person in my life. I hate to think that all of this was going on and you felt you couldn't tell me. I want you to always tell me things. I know I am not always so good at that myself, and I am working on it, I am. But you have to tell me things. I don't want you to go through stuff without me. You- you have no idea how much your support has meant to me. I wouldn't be doing all this, all the pre-med stuff without you. I want to be there for you, too. Okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, looking intently at him as he continued.

"I'm sorry that you went through all this, that you had to deal with this. I hate that dick has hurt you. I can't stand for you to be hurt. But we will figure this out. We will. It's going to be okay."

"I know," she replied, reaching out to touch his face lovingly. "Thank you for everything, for what you just said. For listening to me."

Ben smiled sweetly at her. "I love you. You know that."

"I love you, too."

Ben leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. Then they touched foreheads and both breathed sighs of relief. This misunderstanding was behind them. "Do you want to go to bed now?" Ben whispered.

"That sounds perfect," she replied. They put the bed down from the wall and laid down, with Ben's arms wrapped tightly around her. He whispered how much he loved her and she felt herself relax, once again comforted by his love.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Ben rubbed Felicity's back gently as he looked at her sleeping so peacefully beside him. She had been through so much and he felt partially to blame. He made a silent vow to himself to make up for it somehow. In fact, he had an idea already. And he couldn't wait until winter break.

He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, waking her as he did so.

"Hey," she whispered softly.

"Hey," he replied, with a small giggle. "How did you sleep beautiful?" He kissed her on the nose.

She giggled in reply. "I slept great, thank you. I always sleep great with you here beside me."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that," Ben said, then grew quiet.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"No, not really. I mean, yes. I don't know. I just wanted to talk to you about something if I could."

"Of course. What is it?" Felicity replied, rubbing his shoulder in encouragement.

"Last night, what you told me about Cavallo, I'm really sorry that happened to you."

"I know, but it's not your fault."

"Yeah, I guess, but I can't help but feel it is somehow."

"Ben, that doesn't even make sense. It is not your fault."

"I just- I just feel like things are starting to fall apart somehow. Not entirely, I mean, we are great and all. But- but I came so close to screwing up big time tonight and I feel like that is a sign...."

"What do you mean you came close to screwing up? Did something happen at work?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, I was so tired and I was worried about you and that guy- and I don't know, I couldn't think straight," he said as he rubbed his head in frustration. "We picked up this guy who'd had a heart attack at his house and we were taking him in and I guess I put the EKG leads on backwards, you know what I mean?"

Felicity nodded yes, encouraging him to continue.

"So, I guess the wrong strip got sent back to the ER. I lucked out that a nurse caught the mistake and the doctor didn't see how I had screwed up. Or I'd be in major trouble."

"Ben, I'm sure these mistakes happen more than you think. It's good that the nurse could help you."

"Yeah, she was good about it. Told me I was obviously exhausted and needed to take a vacation," he laughed slightly.

"Yeah, she is right about that," Felicity said with a smile.

Ben smiled back. "Anyway, it just got me thinking, I mean I was so worried about you. And I've not been home enough, always studying and working, and all. I can't keep going at this pace or I am going to really mess up. I'm just so tired all the time." He paused, looking at her. "And-and I feel like I let you down, by not being here enough. That you wouldn't be going through this crap if I had been here..."

"Ben, you don't have any reason to feel guilty. I know how important your school work is to you, and becoming a doctor."

"Yeah, it is. But you're more important. You are," he said as he leaned in to rub her cheek gently. "I don't want to miss you so much anymore. I think I need to take things a bit slower. Maybe not take so many classes next semester. I mean, I don't care how long it takes me to graduate. I just want to be with you."

Felicity leaned in and kissed him on the lips softly. "I know, Ben. I want to be with you. It's been hard lately, but I know that you love me and it'll be worth it in the end."

Ben closed his eyes as Felicity caressed his face, then kissed her thumb as it rubbed across his lips. "I know, but I don't want to feel this way anymore. Like I am barely making it. I can't mess up anymore, this is important to me. I have to make things different somehow."

"Okay, I can tell you mean it. We will talk about this over break. We can figure out some sort of plan together. Okay?"

Ben smiled, always amazed at Felicity's faith in him and her ability to make him feel stronger almost instantly. "I love you, you know that?"

"Yes. I love you, too." She kissed him sweetly on the lips then, leaning her head onto his chest, hearing his heart beat beneath her.

Ben rubbed his hands up and down her back, then put his hand into her hair and caressed her head. Once again, she had managed to calm him with the simple fact of her love. And he was determined to return the favor for the rest of their lives. "You know, I feel so lucky sometimes. Just being with you. I don't- I don't know what I'd do without you," he whispered.

"Well, you will never have to find out," she looked up at him and smiled. Then their lips met in a heartfelt kiss that had no end in sight. Ben put his arms around her, pulling her as close as he could. He could never seem to have her close enough. Felicity felt her body start to respond to his gentle touch and she was once again overcome by the endless passion they shared. Ben took her face into his hands and looked at her with longing. "I love you so much," he whispered. Felicity only smiled and leaned in to kiss his shoulder. She felt him tingle beneath her touch and this encouraged her movements, as she trailed soft kisses down his body. Before either knew what was happening, their clothes were off and their bodies were bared to one another. Ben rose above her, looking into her eyes as their bodies became one. Felicity cried out with pleasure as she felt Ben go deeper, and then he began to move in a slow, tender fashion. Their movements became a bit faster, but the tenderness never stopped. Felicity felt an explosion building within her, and then it burst, just as Ben made his final thrust. They gasped in unison, as wave after wave of pleasure washed over them. They lay close together, still joined, letting their breathing calm. "I love you, Ben," Felicity whispered. Ben pulled her closer. No words were needed.

Felicity and Ben finished up their semester with a renewed strength and purpose. Ben was up late each night cramming for his finals, but he felt more in control then before. And he knew it was because of Felicity. Besides, she found many wonderful ways to encourage him to study and do well. They spent many a late night making love, falling asleep right away, completely exhausted.

Ben made no more mistakes on the job and he was finally able to forgive himself for the one that he had made. The nurse talked to him and said it was like a rite of passage into being a doctor, making mistakes. She said you have to learn that you are not infallible and from that realization, make sure you do everything you can to do your best. That's all you can do. Ben kept that in his mind as he took his finals, and he felt rather confident that he had made it through his first semester of pre-med with pretty good grades. He would wait to see when he got his final grades. Felicity, of course, just knew he got all A's. There was no doubt in her mind that her Ben could do anything he set his mind to. Ben just smiled shyly when he heard her say that.

Felicity decided to wait until their finals were over to deal with Cavallo. She didn't want what had happened to affect her grades and Ben agreed, saying he would beat the crap out of the guy if he gave her a failing grade. She decided to tell Dr. Pavone about it and see what she had to say. Dr. Pavone immediately called Cavallo and demanded a meeting with his supervisor. Felicity had to talk to Cavallo's supervisor about what had happened and make a statement. She was quite nervous, but Elena and Ben were with her when she did it. So she felt okay about it. But she knew she would have to see him one more time, at the final art show. She was very nervous about it, but she was determined not to let it affect her showing off her art. If only it had been that easy.

Ben accompanied her to the art show, but could not stay the entire time, as he had to work. He'd picked up another shift for extra money for their trip to Florida. Elena and Tracy came and she even managed to get Meghan to come, though Sean kept having to distract her with talk of new inventions or she might fall over from boredom (or so she told Felicity more than once). Felicity didn't care, she was just glad to have her friends with her. Her old mentor Prof Morton introduced her to some professors from another university in town and bragged about her. She was amazed that some of her artwork sold, but the one she was most proud of still hung on the wall. She couldn't shake this feeling. There was just something about this night that had her nervous.

It was soon enough that she knew the reason for her unease. Ben had just left her side and she was wandering around the hall looking for Elena, when she saw Cavallo talking to another professor in front of her painting. She tried to hurry away, but she knew he saw her. The way he looked at her made her stay glued to her spot, as if she could not move. He looked at her with veiled anger and disgust and she was horrified to discover he was talking about her work. "I don't know, this artist doesn't seem to have any structure, and things seem so derivative to me. Like there is no real passion behind it. I keep wondering, as I look at it, what she was really trying to say with this piece. It seems incomplete and empty. Don't you agree?" Felicity only half heard the responses, which ranged from "I don't know" to "Yes, I think so." She finally found the strength to move from her spot, walking quickly away, wiping half formed tears from her eyes. She could not believe it, _how can he talk about me that way? He told me I was talented, that my work was beautiful. Was he only saying it because he wanted something from me? How can this be happening? I can't stay here anymore. I have to get out of here._

The thoughts kept racing through her and she felt more and more upset as she found her way to the door. _Where did Ben go? He hadn't left for work yet. He only went to the bathroom. Why isn't he here? _She walked over to the sidewalk, looking around her as people passed by. She could not remember the last time she felt this confused, this unsure of herself, as if she had no idea what to do. The only time she could think of is when she first moved to New York and her parents were so mad at her for coming. And she had been afraid that her decision to come here, to follow Ben, had all been a mistake. And she didn't know what to do. But now, as she stood here, shivering in the dark waiting, hoping for Ben to appear, she knew that this was the worst she had felt. All that she had gone through with Cavallo came crashing down on her. And the weight was just too much to bear.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" Ben asked as he approached her.

"Oh hey, "she replied, wiping her tears away. "I didn't know where you went so I came out here to wait for you."

"What's the matter?" he asked gently, reaching out to her. "Why are you crying? Did that dick do something to you?"

"No, he didn't do anything to me. He just- he was just there and I heard him talking and- and I can't even tell you what he- he said. I just couldn't move, he was trying to hurt me. And- and he never meant anything he said to me, about my work. He was just- just lying or whatever and I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, how could this happen. I am such an idiot," Felicity finished, her words coming out of her faster than she could think.

"What? You are not an idiot. Whatever he said just now, it was a lie. He is just mad that you turned him in. You didn't do anything wrong," Ben said as he wiped her tears away and then grasped her hands in his own. "Hey, listen to me. You are amazing. Your work, it is absolutely the best in there. I mean it."

"Ben, you're just saying that because you're my boyfriend...."

"No, I am not. You're the best. There is no one in that whole place that can compare to you. And I'm sorry for whatever that dick said, but it doesn't matter. All that matters is what you and I think, and we both know you are a wonderful artist. Don't we?" He gave her an encouraging look.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Felicity...."

Felicity bit back a smile and could only reply "Okay, yes, I am pretty good."

"Good, that is much better. I don't like to see you like this. You have no reason to feel bad, this is your night. And all of our friends are here to support you."

"I know, I guess it just all hit me, right now."

"Yeah, I know," he said as he caressed her cheek. And she knew he did understand, it was in his eyes as he looked at her. _ How did she ever make it through without him_. "Now, what do you say we ditch this place and go back home?"

"Ben, you have to be to work in an hour."

"So? That doesn't mean we can't go home and have a drink to celebrate your success tonight."

"Okay, but only one drink. You have to work remember."

"I remember," he replied, draping his arm over her shoulder as they headed towards home. Felicity felt better as she walked along side Ben. But she knew that what had happened tonight, what she heard Cavallo say, would be ringing through her mind for some time to come. Something about it rang true, as much as she tried to push it away. And she didn't know yet how to react.

They got home and Ben opened the door for her. She loved the feeling of his hand on her back as he led her to the couch. "Wait here, I will be right back."

He came back quickly with a bottle of wine. "Ben, where did you get that?"

"I got it the other night, I wanted us to have something special to celebrate."

"Well, thank you. This is great."

"Good," he leaned in and kissed her on the lips softly. "Now, are you feeling a bit better?"

Felicity smiled. "Yes, I am. You always seem to work your magic on me."

Ben looked down shyly for a moment, then smiled as he looked up. "You know, I wasn't going to say anything just yet, but I think you need something to look forward to. Something to make you happy."

"What do you mean?"

"We're leaving for Florida tomorrow."

"What? I thought we left next week?"

"Yeah, well I changed our reservations."

"Ben, why? What are you up to?" she asked with increasing curiosity, a widening grin on her face.

"Well, if I told you that, then it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?"

Felicity laughed softly, "I don't know what you're up to, but I have a feeling it is good. Just from the look on your face."

"Yep, it's really good," Ben replied with the big grin on his face that always melted her heart, it was a smile all for her.

"Well, what should I bring? I mean, where exactly are we going?"

"It's no where that special really, but bring something nice to wear and a bikini or two."

She laughed yet again, shaking her head. "Ben, thank you. I can't tell you how much this means to me. Just you being here like this and planning things for me. I don't know what's going on with my head sometimes, but I always know that you and I, what we have, it's so amazing. I just- I just really love you."

"I love you, too." They kissed gently, enjoying the feel of their lips on one another. Ben pulled away, looking into her eyes. "Now, I have to go. But just remember, I will be back soon. And tomorrow, we head off."

"Yes, I can't wait to see what you are up to," she giggled softly. Ben only smiled at her in return, then kissed her on the nose. "You will love it."


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

"Ben, where are we going? I thought we were going to Disney? Why are we in St. Augustine?"

"Disney is for kids. I have much better things in mind," Ben teased as he pulled her along behind him as they made their way to the baggage terminal.

"What are you up to? I don't even get a hint?" she asked with a pout.

Ben touched her on the nose and replied, "You will see soon enough."

And she did see, and she loved it. Ben surprised her by taking her to a beautiful bed and breakfast called the Casablanca Inn. It was situated on the bayfront of St. Augustine, with horse and carriages making their way past on the street. Even though the temperatures were cool in December, they were not the only couple taking a winter break. Ben led her over to the check in desk and she was all smiles as the clerk told her they were staying in the Vilano suite. "Ah sir, that is a wonderful selection. Your lady will be sure to love it."

"Good, that is what I want," Ben replied with a grin. He whisked her away, up the stairs to their room. He opened the door for her and watched as Felicity placed her hands across her mouth in delight. "Oh Ben, this is so beautiful! Look! There is a jacuzzi in our room! I can't believe this. You did this all for me."

"Of course I did, I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, you sure did. I can't believe we are here. It is so romantic. Did you see the horse and carriage rides out there? And that beautiful fort? We have to go see that. There is so much here....."

"Yes, there is a lot here. But we will get started on that as soon as we have a proper introduction to our nice bed," he said as he moved closer, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I suppose we could do that. I mean, we do have a wonderful bed. But I hate to mess up all those pillows," she said coyly, pointing at the enormous pile on the bed, situated in such a purposeful manner.

"Hmmm....let's see..." Ben said as he quickly removed them from the bed with one long sweep oh his hand.

Felicity giggled, saying only "Ben," as she looked at him longingly. He pulled her close to him, kissing her passionately. She wrapped her arms around his neck and lost herself in their kiss. Exploring their getaway would just have to wait.

After having a wonderful introduction to their bed, they left their room to explore the city. They started by going on a tour of Fort Mantazas. A ferry boat took them to the fort, and they explored it along with other tourists, learning about the history of the city. The weather was cool, but they were easily warmed by wrapping their arms around each other. Felicity loved the fort, saying it was one of the most incredible places she had seen. They both marveled at the fact that people had died here, defending St. Augustine. Their lives seemed so simple compared to what the settlers of this great town had gone through.

Next, they explored the shops in downtown, loving the quaintness and friendly nature of the people. Every person they met shared something interesting about the town and it's people. They felt at home and the afternoon and early evening passed quickly.

"Ben, are you hungry? And my feet are tired from all this walking. Do you want to get something to eat now?" Felicity asked as they left the last store.

Ben looked at his watch. "Yeah, it is about time for our reservation."

"Reservation? What reservation? I didn't know we had plans."

"Yeah, we have to be somewhere in about an hour. Just enough time to go back to our room and get changed."

"I need to get changed? Ben, where are we going?" she asked with a smile and growing anticipation.

Ben leaned in and kissed her sweetly. "You will just have to wait and see. I just hope you brought something sexy to wear."

Felicity giggled, taking his hand, as they headed back to their room.

Ben led her into the Casa Monica hotel, with his arm draped around her shoulder. He was dressed in a simple, blue button down shirt and dress slacks. And she was stunning, in a deep green dress that showed off the green of her eyes. She looked around her in awe, overcome by the majestic surroundings. The room was full of beautiful antiques and incredible chandeliers. It was by far the fanciest place she had ever been and Ben had brought her here. "This place is so beautiful, I can't believe we are eating dinner here."

"Yep, and you may even get lucky enough to have me dance with you," he teased.

"What?" she laughed. "Now that will be a treat."

The maitre'd escorted them to their table, and Ben pulled out her chair for her. She sat down, blushing as she realized that Ben really meant to please her tonight. She felt so loved and was again struck by how incredible her man was. And he was completely taken away by her beauty, looking across the table at her with love in his eyes. They ordered their dinner and had a glass of wine as they waited. There was an organist playing romantic music and they listened as they talked about their day. As they ate their meal, they reminisced about the last trip they had taken, which was in fact the road trip. They never made it to Florida last year, and this trip was even better than what they had planned then. Ben joked that the last time he went on a trip with her, he ended up in a lot of trouble.

"Trouble? What kind of trouble?" she laughed.

"Oh, you know, I fell in love, that kind of trouble," he replied with a grin.

"Oh really? I didn't know that," she said in mock seriousness.

"What, come on. You knew that." When she didn't reply, only smiled, he continued. "Come on, you knew that. I mean, that's when I really got to know you."

"Yeah, and you thought I was crazy. You kept teasing me for being too serious."

"That was only because I didn't know how to match you. I mean, you intimidated me. I really wanted you, but I was worried you were too much for me to handle.'

"Too much to handle, huh?"

Ben laughed shyly, looking down. "You know what I mean, and we've already talked about this before."

Felicity laughed, "you don't like the attention on you, that's all."

"Yeah, well I think the attention should be on you. You look incredible tonight."

She blushed, looking down at the table. "You do," he insisted. "You are so beautiful." She felt his glance on her and looked up. He smiled at her and she could only smile back in return. He felt his love in the way he looked at her. Then he surprised her by standing up. "May I have this dance?"

She looked at him shyly then said quietly, "Yes."

He took her into his arms and led her out onto the dance floor. Though there were others around them, he felt as they were the only two people there. He lost himself in the smell of her hair, as he leaned his face into her neck. She felt his hands on the small of her back and sighed as they brushed lightly across her hips. She felt so safe in his arms. They moved slowly to the music, completely lost in each other. When the song ended, they still moved for a moment or two, as if driven by an inner music of their own. Then they came apart and Ben kissed her lightly before saying, "Let's get out of here."

Ben took her hand as they entered their door a little while later. He was determined to make this night one she would never forget. She felt her world spinning as he took her into his embrace and kissed her with a passion that she felt all the way to the tips of her toes. She felt his arms move to the back of her dress and turned so he could have access to the zipper. He rubbed his hands on her sides as he watched the dress fall to the floor. Turning back to him, she looked at him with a sweet smile that took his breath away and he felt himself ready for her kiss. It was full of longing, as she pulled at his shirt and unbuttoned it at the top. Unable to wait, he simply took it over his head, moaning as she rubbed her hands across his flat stomach. He leaned in to kiss her again as he felt her hands on the button of his slacks. Before long, they were standing naked by the running jacuzzi. One of them had taken the time to start it though neither recalled who at the moment. All they felt was the love they had for each other and they ached to be joined as one. Ben led her into the tub and pulled her close. She pressed herself against him, kissing and licking her way up his neck. He had his hands in her hair, caressing her head as she moved. Then, he moved her so he could look at her fully. He was overcome by her beauty and could wait no longer. He kissed her breast as she moved herself atop him. As their bodies became one, their mutual moans met in a lingering kiss. They moved slowly, enjoying the feel of each other. Then, feeling an imminent explosion within them, their movements became more rapid until they reached the end. Felicity collapsed atop him, completely spent. "I love you," Ben whispered. "I love you, too. More than you know."

The next day was equally wonderful as Ben surprised her by taking her to the Old Florida Museum and several art galleries. He loved seeing her so happy, as she shared her love for art with him. They had lunch at a nice little café and even though the weather was a bit cool, they chose to eat outside so they could watch the people pass by. Ben promised her they would take a horse and carriage ride later on that day, when he saw her looking longingly at one as it passed by.

Later, Felicity was looking at some paintings at the San Mar art gallery when a woman approached her.

"Where did your handsome beau go?" she asked.

"Oh, hi. Yeah, he went to use the phone. He is being all mysterious about some plans we have."

"Sounds like the perfect guy to me," the lady said with a smile.

"Yeah, he's pretty great," she replied, then looking intently at a painting.

"Do you like that one?"

"Yes, it's really pretty. I like what she did with the colors and the brushstroke."

"That's one of my favorites, too. I remember being very proud of it when I finished it."

"Oh, this is yours? Wow, you are so good. I mean, I can't believe you are the one who did this. How did you do it?"

"You're an artist aren't you?"

Felicity looked at her curiously. The lady continued, "Don't be shocked. I can just tell. You are looking at all of it with a serious eye, more than just a tourist or art lover would. Do you paint?"

"Yes, I do. But I am not sure I am that good. I mean, I don't know that I have this kind of talent."

"How come?"

"I don't know, I just am not so sure anymore."

"Well, an artist just knows. When you are an artist you know that what you are doing is right, that it's what you are supposed to do. It's what drives you. Maybe you need to remind yourself that."

"Yeah, yeah. You're right," Felicity said, thinking intently. Just then Ben approached.

"Sorry I took so long," he said, kissing her on the temple. "There was an accident out there on the street. Some woman fainted and I had to help her."

"Oh? Ben, that is so great you were able to do that."

"Yeah," he said blushing. "It's no big deal. Oh, hello," he said, noticing the woman. "I'm Ben."

"Hi, I'm Bev. I was just talking to your lady here about her art."

"Oh yeah, she is really great." Ben continued talking to the lady as Felicity watched, thinking about what the woman had said. _True artists are always artists, they never doubt themselves. So why was she so full of that doubt?_

Ben woke the next morning to the sound of the music playing on their alarm. Felicity continued to sleep, obviously tired from last night's events. They had made love for hours after their romantic carriage ride and dinner in town. He looked at her sleeping so peacefully, her hair spread out around her, shining in the early morning light. He never knew how he got so lucky, but he thanked his lucky stars each day. He brushed his hand across her cheek and watched as she started to wake. She smiled slightly before opening her eyes.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," he replied, then grew quiet.

"What are you thinking about?"

He blushed, "nothing."

"Yes, you are thinking about something. I can tell," she said laughing. "What is it?"

Ben smiled, looking down at her hand rested now on his chest. "Do you really want to wait until after we graduate to get married?"

Felicity looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"I- uh- I mean, we could get married sooner than that, I mean, if you wanted to," he said, his voice quiet as he said the words.

"Ben...."

"I was just thinking, I mean, why do we need to wait? I just- I want to marry you. And what if- what if we just did it, you and me. I mean, we could still have the big ceremony, for our families and all. But what if we- I mean, just the two of us....what if we eloped?"

"Wha....Ben..."

"Just think about it, we could do it here. I mean, the call I made yesterday, it was to the courthouse. We could get our license today and be married tomorrow..."

"Ben- I can't believe you.....are you serious?"

Ben grew very intent, looking at her. "Yes, yes, I'm serious."

A smile spread across her face as she could only reply "Oh, Ben." And she threw her arms around him, giggling with happiness and showering him with kisses.

So the following day, Felicity and Ben stood before the minister at the Amore wedding chapel. Felicity, dressed in her deep green gown from the previous night and Ben in a simple blue and grey suit that he had secretly packed for this occasion. Felicity could not stop the tears from running down her cheeks as the moment she had dreamt about for what seemed all her life was finally coming true.

Ben took her hands in his as he repeated the words he had been dreaming about the past three years. "I take you Felicity, to be my wife," he said quietly, watching as she took in a deep breath, hearing that special word. "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, so long as we both shall live."

Felicity felt the world move beneath her as if she were floating on a cloud. Hearing Ben say those words, she grew so calm, as if the words he had just spoken had caressed her soul. She implored him with her eyes to never doubt these words as she repeated them back to him. "I take you, Ben, to be my husband," she paused briefly, letting a tear slip down her cheek. "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, so long as we both shall live."

The minister then said, "With the power vested in me by the State of Florida, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

They both giggled slightly then moved closer, Felicity wrapping her arms tightly around him. Ben whispered, "I love you," before taking her face in his hands and kissing her for the first time as husband and wife. Then they embraced, Ben circling her around in utter happiness. "You are finally my wife," he whispered. And Felicity, still reeling from what had happened, could only laugh through still falling tears. This was the happiest moment of her life. And she was still floating.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

The newlyweds spent the remaining day in St. Augustine marveling in their new marriage. They didn't leave their room much; rather, they spent all their time celebrating and making love. But then it was time to continue onto the next leg of their trip, going home to Palo Alto. And they were both a bit nervous. They had yet to decide whether to tell their parents or not. Ben wanted to keep it between them for awhile, but Felicity was anxious to share the news, especially with her mom. And she knew that his mother would be so happy to hear the news. Somehow it didn't really seem to matter, because they were so happy they felt as if they were floating. Ben spent many a moment on the plane ride to California just gazing at her and smiling. She giggled each time, completely overcome with joy. Every stress in their life seemed to fade away as they thought only of each other.

Felicity had fallen asleep next to him on the plane and Ben let his mind wander to the last time they had been in Palo Alto together, when their road trip had come to an end.....

"_Ben, do you think it's crazy that I don't really want to get home? I mean, here we are, an hour away from dropping off the car, and I just want to keep riding."_

_Ben looked over at her, smiling. "So, where do you want to go?"_

"_Really? We can keep driving for a bit? Maybe we could just stay in San Francisco a night or so? That isn't silly?"_

"_No," he giggled, watching her eyes get big with her excitement. "It isn't silly, I was thinking about it myself. We could stay overnight and then catch the train in the morning."_

"_That sounds perfect. Palo Alto can wait another day," she beamed at him. _

_So they dropped off the Baby and then caught a taxi to downtown San Francisco. They decided to splurge on their last night and got a nice hotel room for a change. It even had a beautiful view of the city. _

"_Ben, I'm going to get changed, then we can go out to dinner if you want."_

"_Okay, I'll just watch TV for a bit." Ben sat down on the bed and turned the TV on, but he kept getting distracted. He couldn't keep his mind on what he was watching. He couldn't believe this was the last night of their trip. He had learned so much about Felicity, he didn't want their adventure to end. She came back out of the bathroom shortly and when she approached him his nostrils were overcome by the sweet smell of her. He could barely stand it. She smelled so good and looked so amazing. He shoke his head, saying "Okay, let's get going. I am starving." _

_After dinner, they came back to their room smiling and laughing about their night out. "I just love this place, it's so romantic. I mean the bridge is so beautiful. I can't believe I haven't been to this city since I was 10," Felicity said._

"_Yeah, I can't believe that either. My buddies and I used to come here all the time. We'd take our girlfriends....." He paused, watching her face fall. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."_

"_No, I know you had girlfriends, Ben. Believe me, I kept track, way too often I am afraid," she blushed. _

_He moved closer. "I'm sorry I didn't pay attention to you then. I wanted to, I really did."_

_She looked up, surprised. "No, you didn't."_

"_Yes, I did. I meant what I said when I signed your yearbook. You were always...I don't know, I thought about you and wondered about you."_

'_Really?" she asked shyly._

"_Yeah," he replied sincerely, touching her face as he did. "I didn't think you liked me though, I mean, I was so different from you."_

_Felicity couldn't help but laugh, "That's..that's an understatement."_

_Ben looked at her intently, searching her eyes. "But we aren't that different anymore, I mean, we get along really well, don't you think?" He leaned in closer, looking at her lips. _

"_Um...yeah," she replied, looking at him nervously, as she awaited his next move. It was more than she expected, as she felt him back her to the end of the bed with his body. The way he was looking at her made her feel weak in the knees. She was trembling as he reached out and touched her on the shoulders, rubbing his hands down the side of her body. _

"_Felicity, I..."_

"_What?" she replied, her voice trembling._

"_You're shaking. Are you okay?"_

_She was amazed at the concern she saw in his face and could only reply by pulling him towards her. The kiss began very gently, as he explored her mouth with his tongue. But it grew more intense, restless. He couldn't seem to get enough of her and she felt her head spinning, as they laid back onto the bed. _

He ran his hands through her hair, pulling her closer and closer to him. Before she knew what was happening, he was reaching his hand up her shirt, caressing her stomach with his fingertips. He felt her shiver and it only served to make him more aroused. He looked at her and saw that she was looking at him with passion in her eyes. He didn't know what to do other than to kiss her, so he did. He felt her arms snake around him and caress his back, trying to lift his shirt. He quickly shed the layer and looked down at her. She only nodded yes. He leaned down and kissed her softly. Then he gently moved the straps of her shirt off her shoulder, kissing the skin that waited there. He made his way down her arm, then back up again, latching his mouth to her neck. She felt lost in his kisses, she couldn't believe that she and Ben Covington were making out, that his hand was inching it's way up her shirt.....

_She couldn't do it, she wanted to, but she couldn't. "Ben, wait." He stopped, looking down at her. "I really want to, but I don't think it's time yet. I'm sorry," she said looking away from him. _

_He brought her eyes back to him. "It's okay. I really wasn't expecting to...you know. I just wanted to...." He took a breath. "I just wanted to be with you. There is no pressure, really. You know that."_

"_I know, I just don't want you to be disappointed or whatever...."_

"_I'm not, really, I'm not. Really, I am just so glad we took this trip. I can't stop thinking about how it's going to end tomorrow, and I just got carried away, I guess. I'm sorry."_

"_Don't be. I loved it," she smiled at him. _

_He smiled back at her. _

_The next day they were back in Palo Alto and he had to tell her what he had been dreading to tell her since yesterday. That he was going to spend the rest of the summer with his friends in Mexico. They had a great trip planned there since last year and he would have to leave in two days. So here they were, on the train to Palo Alto and neither one could get up the courage to talk about what happens next. Felicity was afraid to say anything that sounded too presumptuous and Ben, he just didn't know what to say at all. She had him so mixed up, he had no idea what was even in his head. All he knew was that he definitely didn't want this trip to end. Felicity would look over at him, start to say something than stop. He just kept smiling at her, like that was all he knew to do. They tried hard to act like everything was normal. Just when Felicity couldn't stand it anymore, and she decided to start talking about it all, the young boy across from them woke up and started asking them questions. Ben was amused by him and the boy liked Felicity so much, that they completely forgot about talking and the rest of the trip passed by quickly. _

_Next thing they knew they were at the train station and Felicity's parents were there waiting for them. Felicity had not known they'd actually come to pick her up, so this was unexpected. She really wanted to just catch a cab ride home with Ben, so that they could talk. But that was impossible now. _

"_Oh hey, Mr. Porter, Mrs. Porter," Ben said shyly. "Thanks for meeting us."_

_Mr. Porter looked at him suspiciously but only replied, "of course."_

_Ben looked at Felicity, "Uh, can I talk to you for a bit? Before we get going?"_

"_Yeah, yeah, sure."_

_They walked over to the side, Ben looking at the floor, getting more nervous by the minute. "Uh, I wanted to tell you something, I don't know why I didn't mention it before. But, um...um...my friends and I, we have this trip planned, we are going to Mexico for the summer. We had this thing planned out since last year, and I didn't know when to mention it, but...but we leave in two days." _

_Felicity felt her happiness over their road trip fall away all at once, and she was certain it had meant nothing to him. They were through. "Oh, okay. I- I guess- I guess this may be goodbye then." _

_Ben looked at her, feeling like a complete idiot. He could see that she was hurt, but her parents were standing right there and he didn't know what to say. "Yeah, yeah, I guess so." _

"_Well, I hope you have a good time. I guess I'll see in NY," she said sadly, not wanting to look at him for fear her tears would start falling. _

"_Yeah, I mean, yes. Of course I'll see you then." Ben looked at her, trying to gauge how she felt, but he could only think about how stupid he had been. He had such a good time with her on this trip and now it was all ruined. "Well, I hope you have a good summer."_

_Felicity finally looked at him and was resigned to the fact that this was goodbye. She could see it in his face. "Bye" was all she could manage before leaving with her parents. He wouldn't be coming with her, he just couldn't bare it. He'd wait for his mom to come. He watched her go and whispered, "Bye."_

_They both spent the rest of the day feeling miserable. Felicity felt stupid for getting her expectations up and Ben, he felt awful for waiting so long to tell her about Mexico. He felt like a coward and a complete fool. All he wanted to do was spend the rest of the summer with her. _

_So later on that night, Ben surprised her by showing up at her doorstep. He convinced her to sneak out with him so that they could talk. They drove all the way over to the beach and sat in the car looking at the ocean. They were able to finally say a proper goodbye and completely enjoyed each other's company as they listened to the quiet around them. They talked about how they would have no expectations, that they would see each other in NY in the fall and go from there. Somehow this made sense and they were both calmed by this plan, for all that mattered was that they had had this special time together. And they would see where the future led. Felicity had never made out in a car, which she admitted to him with a giggle in between kisses. This only encouraged Ben further, and they continued to kiss and caress each other. It was just as she wanted their goodbye to be, sweet and gentle. Then he looked at her and said "I had such an amazing time with you. I am so glad we took this trip." She could only smile and say, "me, too." _

Ben was shaken out of his reverie by the announcement that they were just about to land. He looked over at Felicity who was smiling at him. "What?"

She giggled, "What have you been thinking about? You have been staring off for quite some time. I didn't want to interrupt your thoughts."

Ben looked self consciously down at his lap, shaking his head a bit. "Oh, I don't know. Just the last time we were in Palo Alto together. You remember?" He turned to look at her.

"Of course I do. We had to say goodbye for the summer, after our trip, because you just had to go to Mexico with your friends."

"Yeah," he joked. "I just had to get away from you." He watched her laugh and then grew serious. "But we never have to say goodbye again. Isn't it amazing how much things have changed since then? Since our road trip. Did you think we'd end up like this, married?"

Felicity smiled at him sweetly, taking his hand in hers. "I always knew we'd end up like this. I knew that since the first time I saw you."

Ben could only squeeze her hand in return, for he knew she was right. Somehow she was always right. And that was just fine with him.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Ben spent the next day with his mom, who was so excited to see him. It had been so long since he had been home. She made him dinner and fussed over him, like he was a little boy again. He was surprised when his father showed up later in the evening. He didn't know that he and his mom were even talking since his dad had been discharged from the hospital in New York. He remained on the liver transplant registry, and would have surgery when one was available. Ben had been in regular contact with his dad since he left New York, but he was unaware that his parents were talking again. _Why is he here_, he wondered. He was immediately nervous.

"Ben, it's good to see you. I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I joined you and your mother for dessert," his dad said.

"Yeah, that's good. It's good to see you. You seem to be feeling better," Ben remarked, watching his dad's behavior closely.

"I am. I think it's the weather here. It's so much warmer here than in New York. I don't know how you do it, live there in the winter."

"Yeah, it can be rough. But I love the snow."

"I am really proud of how well you've done there, son. I was concerned when you moved away, we both were, but you seem to have done really well there."

"Yeah, I like it there. It's been a good thing for me." Ben looked at his mother, who was glancing at his father with a soft smile on her face. "Mom, what are we having for dessert?"

"Oh, Ben, it's your favorite. Strawberry cheesecake. I thought you'd like that."

"Thanks, that sounds great. Well, why don't we eat?"

They sat down and ate their dessert, all the while Ben was observing them discreetly, trying to figure out what seemed different. He wasn't quite comfortable with them being a family again, it just seemed so odd to him.

Ben's dad finally said, "So, Ben, your mom and I wanted to talk to you about something. I thought this might be a good time, since you are home."

Ben noticed the expectant look on his mom's face as she watched his father. "Yeah, okay."

"Your mom and I, you know that we spent some time together while I was in the hospital. Well, we all did. And it meant so much to me. Anyway, your mom and I have been talking, and we want to try again. We want to see if we can make it work this time, us. I know you will have concerns about this, and I understand…"

"Concerns?" Ben replied, his voice on edge. He looked at his mom. "How long has this been going on? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Ben, don't be so upset. I wasn't keeping things from you, I just wanted to wait to tell you in person. I know that this is hard for you, but it's really what I want."

"Mom, how can you say that? We just wanted dad to get better, we didn't really mean to give him another chance. Don't you remember, we talked about this."

"Ben, I know that you are worried, but you don't need to be. I can take care of myself. You have your own life now, you don't need to worry so much about me anymore."

His dad interjected, "Ben, your mother is right. You don't need to worry. We just wanted you to know, so that you'd feel more comfortable…"

Ben rose from the table, "I don't know, I just don't think this is right. I just don't understand how you can trust him again, Mom." He shook his head, "I gotta get out of here."

"Ben, wait," his dad started.

"Don't start, Dad. I just need to get out of here, clear my head. We…let's talk about this later. I just can't right now." With that, he left, closing the door loudly behind him.

Meanwhile, Felicity was having dinner with her parents at her mom's house. Things were not going well there either. For some reason, her dad chose this time to bring up her upcoming graduation with an art degree, which he still considered a colossal mistake. She kept trying to defend herself, and got angrier by the minute.

"Felicity, just listen to your dad. He has some real concerns. He isn't trying to tell you what to do."

"Yeah, I know he has concerns. I can hear that."

"Felicity, I am just asking you to think through what you are going to do next. You are going to be done with college in just over five months. What do you plan to do next? What kind of job are you going to get?"

"I don't know dad, I don't have it all figured out yet."

"Well, I think you need to start thinking about it. You've taken almost four years of classes now, don't you have some idea of what sort of career you can have in your…..art, or whatever."

"Art, or whatever? God, Dad, you still can't stand that I didn't go into pre-med, can you?" She shook her head, trying not to let her own doubts come into this conversation, not wanting him to be right.

"Listen, I know that this art means a lot to you, and you are very good at it. You really are, sweetheart. But what, realistically, can you do with it? Is there something more productive you can do? Like maybe architecture or something?"

"Architecture? Why would you even suggest that?"

"I don't know. It was just an idea. I just want you to be thinking about things."

"Believe me, I have. This was not an easy semester for me."

Her mother looked at her with concern. "Honey, what happened? Did something happen in one of your classes?"

"No, never mind." She shook her head again, not wanting to get into what happened with Cavallo right now. "Listen, Dad, I know why you are concerned, and believe me I am worried, too. It's not easy figuring out what you want to do next in your life. But I will get it figured out. I don't need your help. Ben and I…"

"Ah, Ben. There we go again. Ben. Is he even doing well in his classes? Your mom mentioned something about how he was going to have to slow down a bit, not take so many classes next term. Is he really the one you should be latching on to, to help you figure things out? He may not even be able to graduate or become a doctor like he thinks…."

"What?! Dad, stop! You have no right talking about Ben like that. You don't know him at all."

"Honey, your dad just wants you to think things through. The two of you got engaged, and now you are going to graduate. There is a lot to figure out and everything will get a lot less fun real soon…"

Felicity stood up, tired of arguing with her parents. "Okay, I have had enough. I can't believe you two. I came home to spend time with you and this is how you treat me? I don't know what is going to happen each and every day in the future. But I know one thing for sure. That I don't need either of you telling me what to do. I am tired of dad trying to control my life. I am out on my own now, and I will do what I want to do. I don't need your approval. I don't. And another thing, I am with Ben, and that is not going to change. In fact, you should now that we got married while we are in Florida. So you might as well stop talking negatively about him or about us, we going to be together. Forever. And there is absolutely nothing that you can say about that." She paused, looking at the shock that had come over her parents' faces. "I am leaving now, I can't stay here anymore." And she left, before either of her parents managed a reply.

Felicity found herself wandering onto the football field at her old high school. Something about being home again drew her to this place. She looked around, noticing how the place hadn't changed much since the day she had first gotten up the courage to speak to Ben over three and a half years ago. She marveled at how far they had come, smiling as she thought about it.

"Hey," she heard someone whisper. And she knew that voice by heart.

"Ben?" she asked, looking around her.

"Yeah, I'm here," he replied, coming out of the shadows of the bleachers.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked, a smile coming onto her face at the sight of him.

"I suppose for the same reason you are," he answered shyly. "Not a good night with your parents, huh?" He moved closer to her, taking her hand in his.

"Yeah, it was awful. How about you? How did it go with your mom?"

"Well, it was going great until my dad showed up," he sighed. She looked up at him, questioning. "You want to sit down?"

Ben led her over the bleachers, and sat down next to her, all the while never taking his hand out of hers. "So, yeah, dad came over. It was so strange seeing them together again."

"Together? Really?"

"Yeah, that is what they wanted to talk about. I just don't know what to think of that, so I came here to get away from them. And look who decided to join me," he said with a smile.

She laughed softly, "Yeah, it's weird how we came here at the same time."

"Nah, not really. Not if you think about it," he remarked, rubbing his hand over hers gently.

"Yeah?"

"I just mean this is where it all started, you and me. It makes sense that this is where we'd come. I wanted to feel close to you, so I came here," he said, getting shy at the end.

"Ben…"

"Yeah," he said, shaking his head a bit. "So, what happened with your parents?"

"Well, let's just say that it didn't go well. And that they would have no respect whatsoever for what this place means to us. Or what anything means to us, for that matter."

"What? It was that bad?" he asked with concern.

"Yes, that bad. You would not believe my dad, he is just so impossible."

"Yeah, I know."

"Yeah, but it was worse this time, he was judging me so much and trying to tell me what I should do with my life…."

"Felicity, he has done that as long as I have known you. And you've handled it."

"I know, I know. But why does everything he says bother me so much, I mean, why do I let it?"

"I don't know. Maybe just because he is your dad."

"Yeah, I guess so. But it makes me so mad. I don't want to care what he thinks, but somehow I do. Even now."

Ben rubbed his hand over hers once more, then reached his hand up to her face. "Listen, it doesn't matter what he says. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter."

"I don't know, Ben. I mean, he was questioning me about my career plans, and I am so confused myself, I couldn't really defend myself. I just got angry and left."

"What do you mean you're confused, you haven't told me that before."

"I don't know, with what happened with Cavallo…"

"Felicity, don't let what happened with that dick affect you this way, or what your dad said. You know what you want, and that is to be an artist."

"Yeah, I guess. I just don't know. All I really want to do is be with you, that is about all I know."

Ben smiled, pulling her closer. "Well, that is certainly okay by me."

"Good," she giggled. She went into his arms willingly, wrapping her arms around his chest, sighing with contentment. "So, this place is pretty special, huh?"

"Well, yeah, this is where my life changed." He grew quiet, looking down at her in his arms. She smiled as she listened to him talk about the fate that had brought them together. "I still can't believe how lucky I was, you following me to New York."

"You didn't think you were so lucky at first," she said with a small laugh.

"Yeah, well, I was just shocked that someone would do that for me. Especially someone like you. I mean, you were always so different from me, so much smarter and more together. I just hoped you'd talk to me one day, and then you were there, in New York. It was amazing."

"Yeah, I still can't believe I did that, but I am glad that I did. I knew it was the right thing to do. And besides, what you wrote in my yearbook, it was so sweet," she touched his face with her hand. "I still get chills just thinking about it."

Ben smiled, looking down at her. He leaned in, giving her a sweet kiss. "I am so glad I wrote it." Ben wrapped his arms back around her, pulling her closer. They sat there for quite some time, just enjoying the closeness. They listened to the quiet way their hearts seemed to beat as one, as they looked at the stars above them.

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"I told my parents that we got married," she said quietly.

Ben laughed," You did?"

"Yeah, it just sort of came out."

"Okay. I bet that was a shocker," he laughed. "But it's okay, we will deal with it. We will deal with everything, together."

"Yes, yes, we will," she whispered. They continued to sit there, with their arms wrapped around each other, ready to face whatever the world had in store for them.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Felicity and Ben decided the best way to approach talking to both of their parents about getting married was to have a dinner party. Ben was very nervous about this, but tried to remain calm for Felicity's sake. His mother was gracious enough to offer to have it at the Covington home. This helped calm Ben's nerves a bit since he would at least be in a more comfortable surrounding. But Felicity was panicked that her dad would make a scene and she ended up being right…..

"Mrs. Covington, this chicken is amazing. I really need to get the recipe from you before we leave," said Felicity's mom, as they sat around the table enjoying the food.

"Thank you, I am pleased that you like it. It was always one of Ben's favorites. His father used to ask me not to make it because I made it so often when Ben was in high school," Allison replied.

"Yeah, Ben always wanted it for dinner the day before one of his big track meets or swimming meets," Mr. Covington interjected.

"That's right, Ben, you were really into athletics when you were in high school, weren't you?" Ms. Hunter asked.

Ben looked at her with a shy smile, replying, "Yeah, I wasted a lot of time that way. But it was fun."

"Ben, it wasn't a waste. I think the discipline you learned in sports will help you in medicine," his dad said.

"Yeah, yeah, I hope so," Ben replied, looking over at Felicity. She took the look as a sign he didn't want the attention on him any longer, so she changed the subject.

"So, Mr. Covington, Ben tells me you and Mrs. Covington are going to try and work things out."

He looked at her with a smile, "First, please call me Andrew. But, yes, we are. I am very happy about it, too." He stopped, looking at Ben. "I know, son, that you were a bit worried when you found out, but I hope you can give it a chance."

"Dad, it's fine. Let's not talk about it now," Ben replied dismissively. Both of Felicity's parents noticed the tension between Ben and his father, looking at each other questioningly.

"All right then," Mr. Covington continued. "So tell us about your trip to Florida."

Felicity looked at Ben for confirmation, who only nodded. "Well, I am glad you brought that up actually. Ben and I wanted to talk about it with all of you, so we- we are glad we had this opportunity, with all of us together." Felicity paused for a moment, grabbing Ben's hand beneath the table for reassurance. "Um, mom and dad already know, because I kind of blurted it out, but…well, you guys, Ben and I got married when we were in Florida. We eloped."

Ben's mom immediately rose and moved around the table to give Ben a big hug. "Oh, Ben, sweetie, that is so wonderful. I am so happy for you both."

Ben blushed slightly, patting her on the back. "Thanks, Mom. I appreciate that."

"Yes, son, this is wonderful news," Mr. Covington said, getting out of his seat to shake Ben's hand.

"Thank you, Mrs. Covington," Felicity replied as Ben's mom showered her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"No, no, you must call me Allison. I am your mother in law now. Oh, this is so wonderful. I knew this day would come for you, I knew it since Ben was little."

"You did?", Felicity asked, surprised. Allison moved back to her seat at the table, Andrew following, to hold her seat out for her. "Oh yes, dear, I could tell by the way he always talked about you that you were special. And when he told me you were in New York, I knew it was meant to be."

Felicity's dad, who had been quiet, taking in the scene before him, interjected then. "Yes, when Felicity followed Ben to New York. That was certainly a sign, I suppose."

Felicity looked at him, one eyebrow raised at the way he was speaking in front of all of them. "Dad, I know you guys aren't entirely happy with this, but you were okay when we got engaged…."

"No, honey, we aren't happy. You're right. I knew you were going to marry him eventually. But I really think this is too soon."

"Dr. Porter," Ben interrupted "we know what we are doing. We love each other. We will figure it all out."

"Son, I know you think that. But things are not always that easy."

Mr. Covington looked at Dr. Porter and replied, " I don't know what you are so worried about, Dr. Porter. These kids have good heads on their shoulders. They'll make it."

"Well, I am not surprised you think that, but I think both of you," he said, looking at Allison as well, " need to be a bit more realistic."

"Edward…" Felicity's mom finally interjected into the conversation.

"What, Barbara? I thought we felt the same way about this?"

"We do, but let's not talk about it here. This is supposed to be a special evening for the two of them."

"Mom, Dad, I can't believe the two of you, " Felicity said. "Why can't you be happy for us, like Ben's parents are?"

Barbara Hunter looked at her daughter with a soft smile on her face. "Honey, we are happy for you. I mean, we know that you are happy together. We just have concerns that is all."

Ben shook his head, taking in the scene. Felicity was holding his hand very firmly under the table and he kept trying to calm her by rubbing his thumb over her hand. It never seemed to work though, as he felt her tense. "Mom, I'd expect this from Dad, but not from you."

"Honey, I just don't want you to end up in the same place I am. Getting married so young, when you don't know what you want for your life…."

Mrs. Covington finally found her voice, as shocked as she was at what was occurring around her. "I am very sorry, Ben and Felicity. I don't think this is going at all the way you had planned. But Ben, your dad and I are very happy for you. And support you all the way."

Ben smiled at his mother, "Thanks, Mom. I know that."

Felicity looked at her father, shaking her head. "Dad, why is it that you can't ever be happy with what I chose to do? Why is that?"

"Well, you keep making colossal mistakes, honey. And I can't stand by and watch you throw away the promising future we had planned for you…."

"Planned for me?" Felicity said indignantly, getting up from her seat. "What makes you think I ever wanted what you had planned for me?"

"Felicity…." Her mom said, trying to interrupt. Ben stood up beside Felicity, placing his hand on her back supportively.

"No, Mom, I am sick of this. First dad told me the other night he is not pleased with my career choices, now this. I can't believe either one of you."

"Felicity, why don't you sit back down? It's going to be all right," Mr. Covington said gently.

Dr. Porter looked at him with a look of subtle disgust, replying, "No, she needs to hear how we feel. They both do."

"Well, I think they've heard enough," he replied firmly, looking Dr. Porter directly in the eye.

Ben moved forward at that, finally speaking his mind. "Okay, I think Dad's right. We've heard enough. Dr. Porter, Ms. Hunter, I am really sorry that you feel this way. I really thought we had proven ourselves to you both." He paused, watching Felicity's mom soften a bit. "Dr. Porter, I don't mean to say things so harshly, but- but, I really…I think you really need to respect your daughter a bit more. I think you underestimate her. And us. Just listen to what she is telling you, that we're happy together. I am going to take care of her, you don't have to worry about that. She's the best thing that ever happened to me," he paused, emotion causing his voice to soften. "I just hope the two of you can get over this- this horrible…moment." Dr. Porter looked down for a second, taking in what Ben said. "Look, I think Felicity and I are going to call it a night." He moved away from the table, leading Felicity away by her hand. "Thank you Mom and Dad for dinner, and for….for, well, everything. Good night everyone."

Their parents stood watching as the couple walked out the front door. Dr. Porter just shook his head, muttering to himself that they'd made a hasty decision and that they'd regret it. Both Mr. Covington and Barbara just looked at the table, unable to say any more. Mrs. Covington moved to look out the window and saw Ben take Felicity into his arms, whispering what she thought was "It's okay, it's okay." She stood there watching her son comfort his new bride and could only smile.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Felicity and Ben spent the next few days in Palo Alto totally avoiding her parents. Ben told her she should go talk to them, but she insisted it was her dad's place, he needed to make the next move. Ben tried to distract her by taking her to different places in town they had never been together before, such as the movie theater and the indoor swimming pool at the high school gym. They had a wonderful time at both places, finding new ways to enjoy movie theater seats and swimming pool steps. They were still newlyweds, after all.

They decided to spend Christmas with Ben's parents, since Felicity's dad had yet to contact her. She did spend one day with her mother as she shopped for gifts, but her mom wouldn't talk about the other night. She simply said she was sorry to have upset them both and that she would try to be more open minded. Felicity felt that was okay, for now. She just really wanted to talk to her dad, but she refused to be the one to seek him out. She and her mom could continue on, she knew her mom would give Ben and their marriage a chance. She could sense that Ben and her mom had an understanding. She never knew how or why, but her mom softened whenever Felicity mentioned their elopement and how much Ben loves her. Her mom would smile and Felicity knew she was thinking about her dad when they had first gotten together.

Late Christmas Eve, as Ben and Felicity sat looking at the beautifully decorated Christmas tree, Mrs. Covington answered the door and announced Dr. Porter's arrival.

Ben rubbed Felicity's leg affectionately, "Do you want me to leave you two alone?"

Felicity looked up at her dad as he entered the room and whispered, "No, I'd like it if you stayed here with me. He needs to talk to us both." Ben whispered "Okay" and stood to help her off of the sofa.

"Hi, honey. I hope I am not interrupting anything," Dr. Porter said, somewhat anxiously.

"Uh, no, no, it's okay. Ben and I, we were just talking. I- I didn't expect you to come over."

"I know. I hope that Mrs. Covington doesn't mind me interrupting your evening…"

Allison moved closer to the group, "No, of course not. I am glad you are here. I will just leave you guys alone now, so you can talk."

"Thanks, Mom," Ben said.

"Of course," she replied, leaving the three of them alone. Ben looked anxiously over at Dr. Porter, wondering if he'd ask him to leave.

"Um, Dr. Porter, would you like to sit down?" Ben asked.

"Uh, yes, thank you." He noticed that Ben seemed uncertain what to do. "But Ben, please stay. I want to talk to the both of you. I have some explaining to do."

"Okay," Ben replied. Then both he and Felicity sat down on the couch. Ben held her hand in his the entire time.

"What did you want to say, Dad?" Felicity asked, feeling a bit unsure what to expect.

"Listen, honey, I am sorry for what I said the other night. It was so wrong of me to judge the two of you like that. I can't even imagine what you must think of me, Ben."

"It's okay, " Ben replied shyly.

"No, no, it's not okay. I've been doing nothing the past few days but going over in my head what I said and why I said it. I don't….I mean, I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did. I do have concerns about the two of you getting married so young, but…."

"Dad…" Felicity started to interject.

"Wait, let me finish. That isn't what's important. What's important, and I see this now, is the two of you. I shouldn't have disrespected you like that," he replied, looking over at Ben. "I can see now that I have been acting like a fool, acting like I have control over how you live your life. But I don't, I haven't for some time." He paused, looking down at his feet, collecting his thoughts. "And it's not really about control, that isn't even what I mean. It's just, you've grown up so fast and I feel like I am losing you."

"But, Dad, you haven't lost me," Felicity softened as she listened to her father's words.

"I know that. I just don't know where the time has gone. Where did my little girl go? It's going by so fast," he stopped, tears coming into his voice. "I am getting a bit off track here, but I just want you both to know that I am sorry for not believing in you. For not giving you the respect that you so deserve. I can see, just from watching you together, that your love is very strong. And as much as I am scared of losing my little girl, I see now that I have to let you go."

Felicity gave him a soft smile as he continued on. Looking at Ben he said, "I can see that the man you've chosen is going to stick by you, just as I always wanted for you. I hope you know all that I do, all that I've ever done, even when I was acting like an idiot, it was only because I want what is best for you."

"Dad, I know. But you can't decide what is best for me. I am not a little girl anymore. And Ben and I are strong, we can handle anything together."

"I know, I can see that."

"Thank you for what you said, Dad. It means a lot to both of us. I don't want you to feel as if you are losing me though. I will always be your daughter. You just have to let me live my life, and make mistakes and screw up. That's just part of life. But marrying Ben," she paused, looking at her husband. "That is most definitely not a mistake. I have never been more sure of anything in my life."

"I know. I can tell." He smiled, looking at Ben's hand still firmly holding his daughter's hand. "I hope you can both forgive me. And let me try to be a better father….and father in law."

Ben said softly, "Of course. Thanks for coming by. Christmas was going to be hard on Felicity if you two hadn't patched things up."

"Yes, Dad. Thanks for stopping by. I am so glad we have worked things out. I hate fighting with you.

Dr. Porter stood up. "Me, too. Well, I better let the two of you enjoy the rest of your night together. Ben, please thank your mom for letting me stop by."

"Yes, sir. I will."

"Please don't call me sir," he replied with a smile. "You're my son in law now." He reached his hand out to shake Ben's. Ben took it, shyly smiling as he said. "Okay. But I don't think I can call you dad just yet."

Felicity laughed softly, as her father looked rather stunned when Ben used that word. Her dad could only say "Yeah, that might take some getting used to, huh?"

"Yeah," Ben said, moving to stand next to Felicity.

"Well, good night you two. And congratulations."

"Dad, wait." Felicity moved closer to her father, offering him a hug. He took it willingly. He whispered into her hair, "I am proud of you, sweetie." To which she could only reply, "thanks, Dad."

Ben smiled, glad to see Felicity and her father embracing. He was starting to feel like a member of this family and it felt good. He was determined not to let either of them down. Dr. Porter left then and Felicity turned to her husband, saying softly "I can't believe he came over and said all of that."

Ben moved over to her, taking her into his arms. "I know. But it was really nice, don't you think?"

"Yeah, it was." She felt herself fully relax as she laid her head onto his chest, feeling his heart beat beneath her ear. He had this way of always calming her soul and making her feel complete. They stood there a few moments, wrapped in each other's arms, happy to have that stressful time behind them.

"You want to go to bed?" Ben whispered.

"I thought you'd never ask."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Ben and Felicity were back in New York for the New Year. They decided they wanted to ring in the New Year in their apartment, as husband and wife. They didn't go anywhere, didn't venture out for any parties. They stayed in. Felicity was watching the New Year's celebration on TV when Ben suddenly was standing right next to her. He had gone to the bathroom, and now he was in front of her, obviously hiding something behind his back.

"Ben, what are you doing" she asked with a smile.

He smiled that lovely crooked grin of his and said, "nothing."

She laughed, "no, it's not nothing. I can see that you are hiding something behind your back. What is it?"

Ben shuffled his feet a bit, feeling surprisingly nervous. He shook his head in disbelief, _how is that this woman still manages to make me nervous_. "Well, I wanted to give you something tonight. Something to…I don't know, help us bring in the New Year…as husband and wife." He knelt down in front of her.

"Ben, aren't we doing this sort of backwards, with you down on your knees after we are already married?"

They both giggled. "Just let me do this."

"Okay," she whispered, tears starting to gleam in her eyes already.

He pulled his arm from behind him, revealing two wedding bands, lying in his palm. "I know we said we'd wait to get these later on, but I didn't want to wait. I just- mom and I went looking for them and well, here they are." He dropped his head, a bit shy and anticipatory.

"Ben…" she reached out and took them in her hand. "Ben, they are so beautiful." She turned them around, and noticed that there was an inscription in each. "What does this say?"

"It says 'all my love.' I hope you don't mind that I chose that for mine as well."

"No, of course not. I love it." She reached out and touched his face.

He leaned into her touch, feeling the love between them. "Do you…do you want to try them on?" He looked at her expectantly.

"Yes, I would love to try them on."

She watched as his hand trembled a bit as he placed the ring on her finger, next to her engagement ring. She took his hand and held it in her own, squeezing it a little to let him know she felt the power of the moment, too. Then she took his left hand and placed his ring on his finger. He looked down at it, as if in shock. Shaking his head he said, "I still can't believe this. That- that we're married."

"Well, I think this makes it really official. Thank you." She smiled at him, then reached to give him a kiss.

They both turned, hearing the start of the ball dropping on TV. "Look Ben, it's time to ring in the New Year."

"Yep, and all I ever need is right here with me. Come here," he pulled her up into his embrace, capturing her lips with his own. The kiss lingered as they heard the celebration start, and people yelling "Happy New Year!" Finally, Ben touched his forehead to hers, allowing them both to catch their breath.

"Happy New Year, Mrs. Covington," he whispered.

"Happy New Year, my husband."

At her words, he could hold back no longer. He took her hand in his and led her slowly to their bedroom. When they got to their door, he captured her once more for a passionate kiss that she felt to the tip of her toes. She let him lead her gently over to the bed, all the while pulling at the buttons on her sweater. She could see the anticipation in his eyes, and the way they softened as he said "I love you," made her whole body tremble.

"I love you, too. Forever."

He pulled her to him, she sat on his lap on the bed as he unbuttoned her sweater. She began trailing sweet kisses down his neck and inside his shirt collar, right on his collarbone. She smiled as she heard him take in a sharp breath. She unbuttoned his shirt, and after they each finished, the shirts were thrown on the floor. She stood at the end of the bed and unbuttoned her pants, looking at him as she did it. He rubbed the sides of her legs and watched as she took her pants off along with her panties. He reached up and undid her bra, capturing her in his arms so he could engulf her small, firm breast in his mouth. She moaned his name, only further exciting him. He moved to lie on the bed, pulling her on top of him. She kissed him languidly, letting her tongue explore his mouth completely. Just when he didn't think he could breathe anymore, she rose above him and started to unbutton his jeans. He put his hands to her breast, circling her taut nipples with his thumb, watching as it became harder for her to keep her eyes open. He smiled. She leaned down and took his pants and boxers off quickly. Finally, they were exposed to each other. He pulled her atop him, passionately kissing her and caressing her back and butt. "I will never stop wanting you," he whispered. "You are so amazing." She smiled sweetly, yet seductively at him, as she joined their bodies together. They moved as one, their breathing in unison as they felt their bodies respond to each other with increasing intensity. Finally, Felicity felt Ben's body start to tense and she knew he was near the end. She rose up, looking into his eyes as she felt her own body give in to his completely. They moaned each other's names as they felt wave after wave of intense pleasure course through their bodies. She collapsed atop him, completely spent. Ben rubbed his fingers gently across her back, tickling her lightly. "I'd say that was the best New Year's celebration ever," he said with a smile.

She looked up at him, "Yes, that was truly the best." She gazed at him intently, imploring him to know what was in her heart. And he did, as always. He had all her love, forever. He smiled back, saying the same with his gaze.

-

The next morning, Felicity woke to the feel of Ben trailing kisses down her shoulder and neck. She giggled, turning to look at him. "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean? I'm saying good morning to my wife," he replied with a snicker, and continued his path down her arm.

She laughed, "well, I need to say a proper good morning to my husband." He looked up at her, amazed at the word she used. "Husband," he whispered.

"Yes," she said as she tickled his chest.

"I still can't believe that," he said, with a look of wonder on his face.

"Well, you better start believing it. Cause I have certain needs that need to be fulfilled, as your wife," she giggled.

"Hmmm….what sort of needs?"

"Like this," she replied simply, capturing his mouth with hers. Their kiss lingered, as they wrapped their arms around each other.

Sometime later, after they had properly said hello, they came out to the kitchen to make breakfast.

"Pancakes okay?" she asked.

"That sounds perfect. I need a lot of refueling after all the activity we just took part in," he replied with a sly grin.

She laughed. "So, did you want to talk about our plans for the coming semester? You mentioned that you wanted to talk about that today."

"Yeah, that could be good."

After Felicity made the pancakes, and they were seated at the table eating, Ben decided to take the plunge and say what was on his mind.

"I've been thinking, now that we are married, I want to spend more time with you."

"Oh, so when we weren't married, it didn't matter so much?" she teased.

"No, that's not what I mean." He shook his head.

"I know, I just wanted to lighten the mood. Seems like this may be a heavy conversation."

"Well, yeah. I guess so. That's okay, though. We have to talk things out. You- you taught me that."

She smiled, "go on."

"Well, I was thinking..and I don't want you to feel like you need to change my mind. But I think I should cut back on the number of classes I take. I mean, as it is, I am not going to graduate on time. Or maybe with that health science thing, whatever. But, what I mean is, I know this medical school thing is going to take a long time. But I don't want to be away from you a lot, you know, studying and doing internships…."

"Ben, I know what you are going to say but you don't need to cut back on classes or anything. You don't."

"But, I don't…."

"No, Ben. Let me say something. I am so proud of you for doing this, wanting to become a doctor. And I honestly admire you for it. But, you and I, we will be fine. I know you are worried about the time we will have for each other, but it's okay. We will make it work."

"But, Felicity, we tried that before and you know how it went. You felt like I wasn't around enough and…."

"I know. But we got through that. Remember?"

"Yeah, I know. But I don't want you to feel that way again."

"I know you don't, and that means so much to me. It does," she reached across the table, placing her hand atop his. "Really, I am so grateful for you wanting to make these changes. It shows me so clearly how you feel about me."

Ben looked down shyly, "well, good. I'm glad."

"Yes, things will be hard while you are in school, but we'll make it through. We always have. And now we're married, so we have that on our side. That commitment."

"Yeah, I guess. I see what you're saying. But I don't want you to miss me or feel like I am not here for you. Because you are – you're the most important thing in my life."

She smiled, "Thank you. I feel the same way. But part of being married is making sacrifices and compromising. We will figure it all out. I am sure of it."

"Yeah," he whispered, rubbing his thumb over her hand. He shook his head, "I don't know how I ever got this lucky."

"What do you mean?"

Looking up, she saw that tears were starting to form in his eyes. "To have you in my life. You make me feel…."

"What?" she whispered.

"Like I can do anything. I hope you feel the same way, I mean, about me."

"Of course I do. Ben, you're the only one who has ever encouraged me to do what I want to do. You allow me to be myself. That is the most wonderful gift."

Ben gazed at his wife, overcome by all that she had said. "I don't know what else to say. Just that I love you."

She laughed lightly, "well, that's good to hear. I love you, too." She looked at him, saw how he was hanging his head down now. "What? Is there something else you wanted to talk about?"

He looked up. "No, no. I'm just….happy." They smiled at each other, both relieved to have talked things out. "And I was just thinking that we still need to tell our friends that we eloped. Would you like me to call them and have them come over today? You know, so we can tell them?"

"Sounds perfect to me," she replied.


	27. chapter 27

I'm sorry for the very long wait between chapters, guys. Life has been crazy. But getting my season 4 DVDs has inspired me, so keep your eyes open for more updates soon. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. I didn't thoroughly edit it yet, so forgive any typos. I am sure my editors will let me know if there is anything glaringly out of place. I wish I had more time to write this story. It's all I really want to do sometimes. That's the power of FAB!

Chapter 27

Felicity and Ben had all their friends over to their apartment within a few hours. Meghan, Sean, Elena, Tracy, Javier, Trevor, and Richard were all very curious when they first arrived. Meghan made a sarcastic remark about having to come over so quickly, asking "Is someone dying or what?" But when Ben very quietly announced the reason for the impromptu party, the whole place erupted in hollers, squeals of delight and tears of happiness.

"Oh my baby! Oh, my precious little Felicity and Benjahmeeen! You both are too scrumptious for words. All married and all. I really need my Samuel right now!" cried Javier, as he wiped tears from his face.

Felicity leaned over and hugged him, "Oh, Javier. I know. I'm so happy. I'm so very happy."

"Benjahmeeen, as her first fiance, I give you my permission. You have my blessing," Javier continued.

Ben laughed slightly, "Oh, thanks, Javier." He reluctantly let Javier hug him. "Oh, Benjahmeeen, now you are totally off the market."

"Javier!" Ben replied, trying to pull himself away.

"Ben, how come you didn't tell me this man? I mean, we're like brothers," said Sean, with a somewhat disgruntled look on his face.

"Sean, we have only been home a couple days. Besides, we wanted to tell everyone together."

"Yeah, this is definitely something. I am so happy for you, man." The two men embraced, Sean patting him firmly on the back. "Thanks, man. We really appreciate all of you being here to celebrate with us."

Meghan chimed in then, saying, "I have to say I am very relieved."

"Why are you relieved, Meghan?" asked Felicity, one eyebrow raised.

"I was dreading what hideous dress you'd have me wear to the wedding. Your taste and mine are totally opposite," she replied, rolling her eyes a bit.

"Oh, Meghan," Felicity said, laughing as they embraced.

Elena and Tracy grabbed Felicity and Ben next, giving them both big hugs and offering congratulations. Elena wiped away tears, saying "My girl is hitched! I can't believe it! I knew this would happen. You'd beat me to it."

"Elena, it's not a race. You and Tracy can still catch up with us one day," she said, looking at Tracy for support.

"Yeah, baby, don't worry. Felicity isn't going to be an old married woman right away. The two of you can still go out and party, as long as you come home to me."

Elena looked at him questioningly, "Come home to you? What're you saying?"

Tracy laughed, "I don't know. I guess all this excitement and happiness is making me a bit goofy." They hugged, turning to hear Richard exclaim his opinion on the matter.

"When are you due?"

"What! Richard, I'm not pregnant," Felicity exclaimed.

"Sure you aren't. We all know that's what's going on here. Otherwise why would you get married so suddenly?"

Trevor shook his head, patting Ben on the back in a gesture of support. "Richard, man, did you ever think the fact that they are crazy in love with each other had anything to do with it?"

"Ugh," Richard sighed. "I can't even get laid and this man is married and having a baby."

Felicity and Ben both laughed. "Man, stop it," Ben piped up. "I assure you we aren't pregnant. We just didn't want to wait to get married. That's all."

Sean interjected, "Well, I think this is terrific news. I propose a toast to the happy couple." They all grabbed their champagne glasses and raised them as Sean toasted, "To Felicity and Ben, and the many years of happiness, and maybe lots of children, ahead of you. May you not forget all your friends." He laughed, "Seriously, guys, we are so happy for you. Congratulations!"

Felicity and Ben leaned across and kissed each other on the mouth. "Thanks, man. We are pretty happy ourselves."

"I hate to be a downer, but has anyone told Noel?" Richard asked.

Felicity looked at Ben, "No, we haven't told him. I haven't even seen him lately." Ben rubbed her hand, knowing this was a hard topic for her.

"Girl, I'll take care of that for you. Don't worry," Elena offered.

"Thanks, Elena. That would be so nice. I just- I don't think I can talk to him right now."

"Yeah, thanks, Elena." Ben then looked at all his friends and said, "Okay, who wants some cake?" Smiles returned to everyone's faces, as the celebration continued into the night……

The next day, Felicity was at Dean and Deluca working with Javier. He was still overcome with happiness for the newlyweds, and was talking incessantly as Felicity wiped off the counter.

"Ayy! This is the best thing that has ever happened. You and your Benjahmeen. I feel like I am part of this glorious story. I was your cupid, you know."

Felicity laughed, "Yes, Javier, I know you were our cupid. We are both very grateful to you."

"I still can't believe that luscious Benjahmeen is off the market. You are so lucky. He is quite a catch, you know."

"Yes, I know. Believe me, I know," she grinned. "I still can't believe I am married to him. I mean, he was my crush in high school, and now he's my husband!"

"I know! Your story is the best ever. But we can't talk about it, or I will start to crying again."

"Okay," she chuckled. "Maybe I should go stock the shelves in back?"

"No, no. We have lots of chatting to do. I want to know everything. Every delicious detail about the wedding….and the wedding night."

"Javier!"

"I am sorry, I just can't help it. The two of you…..you're my inspiration. Okay, okay. I get your point. So, how is Elena? I saw the two of you talking earlier."

"Oh, she's okay. She and Tracy just had a fight. Something about the fact that she wouldn't accept his marriage proposal and now she is worried she has lost him."

"Oh, dear."

"I know. It's tough on her, I think. She really loves him, but I think they are in different places, you know?"

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean. There was this guy when I was in school, he was all over me, wanting to settle up and all, and I could never get him to listen that I was still ….," he stopped, looking at Felicity. "What's wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost."

Felicity looked at the floor, avoiding looking at the entrance to the shop. "I did. Noel just walked in," she whispered.

"What? Why is he here? Oh yikes, there he is," he turned around seeing Noel standing in the line to get coffee.

"Yeah. Uh, I think I'll go in the back…."

Noel moved to the counter, looking at Felicity expectantly. "Felicity, wait. Can we talk for a minute?"

Felicity moved back over cautiously, looking at Javier for support. "Uh, I don't think that's a good idea."

Noel nodded his head in understanding, "I know. It's…I know, but Elena came by, told me about you…you and Ben. And I just wanted to say, well, I wanted to tell you congratulations."

She looked at him surprised and uncertain. "You did?"

"Yeah, I mean of course I did. I know that we left things at a very bad place, but I am really happy for you. I'm happy for you both. I know I was a jerk, but when Elena told me about your…marriage….well, I just had to see you."

"Noel, I appreciate that, but I just am not comfortable…"

"Can you just give me a few minutes? Please?" he looked at her pleadingly.

Javier leaned in, "Go ahead. I will be right here. I'll keep guard."

Felicity looked reluctantly at Noel, but said, "Okay, but just for a minute."

"Good." They sat down at a table, within ear shot of Javier, who was watching Noel's every move with a glaring eye.

Noel cleared his throat, "So, you and Ben got married in Florida, is that right?"

"Yes, we did," she said quietly.

"I thought that was what Elena said. So, was it…nice? I mean, you and he…you liked where you had it and all?" he asked nervously.

"Noel, this is way too weird. I can't talk to you about this," she started to rise.

"No, please stay. We won't talk about it." Felicity sat back down, glancing at Noel with anxiety. "Okay. Noel, what is it that you want to say to me?"

"Well, I just – I feel awful about how we left things. And I wanted to talk to you, to let you know, I've been trying to get my life back on track. And I was hoping, well, I was hoping that we could talk it out. You know, try to get past it."

"Noel, I just don't think that's a good idea. I mean, Ben wouldn't…"

"I know. And I don't want to cause any trouble, really. I just- I miss you, you know? It's been so weird not talking to you."

Felicity softened a bit, observing how serious Noel had become. "Yeah, this has been an odd year. I mean, when I came to college, you were my only constant, and…well…"

"I know. That's what I was thinking about, too." He looked at her intently. "I want you to know I feel horrible about what I did. I know I was wrong. And I'm sorry for hurting you. I hate thinking that you don't like me, that you hate me…"

"I don't hate you, Noel. I just don't think we can be friends anymore. It's just too weird. This conversation is too weird…"

"Look, I know it's weird. I know it may be hard, but I'd like for you to trust me again. I know you never felt the same way that I felt about you.."

"Felt?" she asked, with a bit of relief.

"Yeah, _felt_." He shook his head emphatically. "I'm really starting over. I've got a good job, at a company in New Jersey. It's this huge graphics firm and I have been dating some, trying to get back out there."

"Noel, that's great. I'm glad to hear that. I really am."

"Thanks," he blushed. "I just miss our friendship. I feel like my life is missing something, you know?"

"Yeah, I do," she answered honestly, thinking about all the times they had shared together. "I just don't know that hanging out with you is a good idea. I don't think we can just pick back up where we left off…"

"I know. I thought we could start by talking. Is that okay?"

Felicity thought for a moment, then replied, "Yeah, I guess that's okay."

"Good," he smiled. "That's all I want, to talk. Do you think Javier will let us do that much longer?"

She glanced over at Javier, who was looking at her with a concerned look on his face. "Yeah, he will, as long as he can supervise, I guess." They both chuckled lightly. "Noel, I really am glad to hear you are doing so well. That's great. I knew you would be really successful."

"Yeah," he smiled. "Thanks. So, how are things with you? Is Ben still pre-med? And how are your classes going?"

"Yeah, he's still pre-med. And he's doing great. Really, he is. It's amazing actually. I am so proud of him," she smiled, thinking about her love.

Noel nodded, smiling as he replied, "I'm glad. It's great that he is doing so well. The two of you….well, you'll have a good life then."

Felicity nodded in agreement, then her face fell as she let worries come into her head. Worries about her future, about what _she _would be doing with her life, what she could contribute to their life together. This didn't go unnoticed by Noel, who looked at her with concern. "What? What is it?"

Felicity sighed, "It's nothing. Really."

"Are you sure?"

She looked at him, questioningly. "I don't know. I mean, I guess hearing about your great career, and knowing that Ben is going to be this amazing doctor. It just gets me thinking…."

"About what?"

She hesitated, looking at Javier for a moment. "I shouldn't be talking to you about this."

"It's okay, I'm just listening," he encouraged.

"Yeah, okay." She sighed, then started again. "It's just- what am I going to do next, after college? With my career? I mean, everyone has this drive, this, like, knowledge of what they want to do. Everyone knows what they should do. But I don't feel like that."

"What do you mean? I thought you loved your art classes."

"I do. It's just, is that what I want to do for the rest of my life? I mean, just that phrase, 'the rest of my life,' is intimidating to me. I mean, I know I will be happy, I'll be okay, with Ben…."she hesitated for a second, not wanting to rub it in.

"It's okay, I know what you mean. Senior year is hard. It feels like the whole world is coming at you, asking you to figure it all out. It's tough."

"Yeah, yeah, exactly," she nodded.

Noel looked at her, noticing how she looked really worried. "You know, this surprises me, seeing you so confused. I mean, not really confused, but….you always seemed to know what you wanted."

"I know," she sighed.

"Have you talked to Ben about this?"

Felicity looked up sharply, knowing what the answer to that question should be. "Yeah, I mean, a little bit."

"A little bit? Felicity, look, I know you may not really care what I have to say here. But since you used to care, and I used to be able to help you, just listen to me for a minute," he leaned closer. "Ben is your husband now, and I don't have a doubt in my mind that he'd want to know how you're feeling. He'd want to help you. Look, he really loves you. I know I didn't always respect that, or accept that, but I think you need to let him know how you're feeling. That's what marriage is about. You have a partner now," he looked down sadly for just a moment. He looked back up, more certain of what he wanted to say. "A life partner. That's a gift. Let Ben help you, okay?"

Felicity couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, you're right. I know you're right." She looked at him, then shook her head slightly. "Noel, thank you. Really, thank you. I don't know how this happened, you coming here, and just being here….listening to me….it's like…."

"Yeah, I know. It's like old times," he smiled sadly.

"Well, I don't know about that. But it's- it's nice."

"Good. I just am glad you let me talk to you for a bit. And really, I know everything is going to be just fine for you. Ben will be good to you, I know that."

He glanced over at Javier, who was looking at him questioningly. "Well, I think I've wore out my welcome anyhow, judging by the look on Javier's face. So, I better get going," he stood up.

Felicity stood up as well. "Yeah, I should really get back to work."

"Yeah. Listen, thanks for hearing me out. And I hope I was able to help some. It's really good to talk to you again. Maybe we can talk again soon? Maybe when I'm in town next?"

"I don't know, maybe. I'll think about it," she replied.

"Well, it was good to see you."

Felicity nodded, "Yeah, you, too. It really was. Goodbye."

Noel walked out, and Felicity went back behind the counter. Javier looked at her a bit suspiciously, asking "What was that all about? I don't trust that guy."

"Javier, stop. It's Noel. He was just wanted to talk to me. He's not a bad guy, you know that."

"I know, but it seemed pretty intense. Was he bad mouthing our Benjahmeen?"

"No, not at all actually. He said he was happy for us, that he knew that Ben would be good to me. It was really nice actually."

"Uh-oh."

"What?"

Javier shook his head, "It's not going to be Noel against Ben again is it?"

"Javier! Don't be stupid! We were just talking. Ben and I are married now. Noel just wanted to clear the air."

"Okay, okay, if you say so." He looked at her, noticing that she did seem a bit more relaxed than he'd have expected. "So, it must've helped, by the look on your face. Everything's good?"

"Yeah. Everything's good," she smiled.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Ben was studying in their apartment one afternoon, when the phone rang. He was surprised to hear his Mom's frantic voice on the other end.

"Mom? What's wrong? Have you been crying?"

"Ben, I'm so sorry. I promised myself I'd get under control before you answered the phone. I'm sorry."

"Mom, stop. Don't apologize. Just tell me what is going on. Is it something with dad?"

"I'm sorry to be so…. I just don't know how to tell you this."

"Mom, it's okay," he calmly reassured her. "It's going to be okay, whatever it is."

"That's just it. I'm not sure it is. Your dad…he's left. I don't know where he is.. And I'm scared he's in a hospital somewhere, mad at me…."

"Mom, wait a minute. What do you mean, he left? What happened?"

"Well, we had this fight. He saw a card that John sent me, and he got enraged. He started yelling, and then he stormed off. Ben, it was like when you were younger, I haven't seen him that mad in a long time."

"Wait, who is John?"

"Oh, he's this man I was seeing before your dad and I got back together. Andrew didn't know anything about him, and this card was the worst way he could've found out. He feels like I've betrayed him, I'm sure of it."

"Mom, wait, he still has no reason to run off, or to get so mad at you. Remember we talked about this so many times before. You can't blame yourself for his problems."

"I know that. I do. I just…I'm afraid. I don't know what to do. I couldn't find him anywhere, and I just thought…..I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bothering you with this. I know you just started your new semester, and you don't need…"

"Mom, don't be silly. I'm glad you called me. I am."

"Ben, I'm sorry. I just didn't know what else to do. I'm afraid he's really hurt. I don't know where he could be. And I just thought you could help me. But now I don't know why I am bothering you. I mean, you're in New York."

"It'll be all right. I'm sure he'll turn up. You know how he was when I was younger, disappearing for days. I'm sure he has just pulled another one of those stunts," Ben replied, getting angrier by the minute, as he heard the pain in his Mom's voice. "Just try not to worry so much. You know what, maybe you should call this John guy. He might be better for you."

"Ben, didn't you hear what I said? Your dad is missing."

"I know, Mom. But we've been down this road so many times before. And I'm sick of it. I just want you to stop being so scared. "

"I know, Ben. I appreciate all the caring you've shown me throughout all of this, all of your life. I really am."

"Mom, it's going to be okay. We'll figure this all out."

"But, Ben, this is serious. I hope he isn't out on a binge somewhere. That's what I worry about the most. He hasn't even got his new liver yet."

Ben shook his head firmly. "If he's out drinking somewhere and screws all this up -the chance we gave him- I'll never forgive him. I mean it, Mom. I'll never forgive him."

Meanwhile, Felicity and Meghan were making their way from campus to the apartment. Felicity shared with her the talk she had with Noel, and her indecision about art versus medicine.

"You talked to whom? Felicity, what were you thinking? Ben is going to kick his ass! And I want to be there to see it."

"Meghan!" Felicity replied, shaking her head at her friend's intense reaction.

"What? You know I'm right. He's going to be pissed off that you talked to Noel about it and not him. Stop being so damn naïve, you know I'm right."

"I know, but I can explain it to him. I mean, it's not like I'm going to see Noel again."

"You don't know that. He might be planning his next excuse to come here and see you. That guy has always had the hots for you. He's probably hoping that this talk of yours will put a wedge between you and Ben."

"Meghan, stop! Noel is not like that, at least, not anymore. Besides, he seemed really happy, like he had moved on and is doing well. There is nothing between him and me anymore, not even a real friendship."

Meghan eyed her a bit suspiciously, then softened. "Okay, but don't tell me I didn't warn you."

Felicity laughed lightly, "Okay, thanks for the warning. Now, can we please stop talking about Noel?"

"If you say so. How exactly are you going to bring this all up with Ben? I mean, don't you think he's going to wonder why you haven't mentioned this to him? We are talking about you changing majors- again."

"Don't say it like that. I didn't say I was changing my major. I just want to, maybe, stay on here and get another degree. So, it's not changing majors. It's….I don't know, doing two majors," she replied a bit uncertainly.

"Yeah, whatever," she said, still eyeing her a bit suspiciously. "I still say that Ben is going to be pissed. I mean, he may even be jealous."

"What?"

"You know men, how they can't stand competition. You'll both be pre-med and he'll think you're going to beat him in all the classes."

"Meghan, that is ridiculous. Ben will not be jealous. He'll actually probably like having me to study with," she replied, trying to convince herself. They had made it to the apartment, and were about to open the door.

"Oh yeah, a lot of studying will be going on here. Wait, yeah, some studying will be going on- but just on your and Ben's anatomy."

"Meghan!" Felicity replied, a blush spreading across her cheeks, as she opened the door.

"What? You know that I'm right. You don't think Sean and I didn't hear you two when you lived at the loft?"

Ben had just hung up the phone with his mom, and was sitting on the couch with his head hanging down. He tried to compose himself quickly, but Felicity noticed that he was upset. "Ben? What's wrong?" Felicity asked, as she made her way over to him.

Ben replied, "Nothing. It's just my mom. She called." He looked over at Meghan, "Hey, Meghan."

"Hey," she replied, eyeing him suspiciously. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, just my dad pulling the same old crap." Ben shook his head, and touched Felicity gently on the leg as she sat next to him. She was trying to calm him by holding his hand, but it wasn't working. And Ben interrupted her each time she tried to ask him what was wrong, with just a simple shake of his head.

"It's okay, we'll talk about it later," he whispered. "So, Meghan, are you staying for dinner?"

"What? And interrupt this little drama? No way. Sean is probably wondering if I left him or something."

"Oh? You and Felicity been hanging out long?"

"Yeah, we were talking about you. And that can take all day…."

"Meghan…..that's enough." She shook her head at her friend. "I'll call you tomorrow and we can talk, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever." She walked towards the door, but not before whispering to Felicity, within Ben's earshot, "Good luck talking to him about that thing."

Felicity led her out, "Yeah, thanks. I'll see you."

Ben came up behind Felicity. "Actually, I need to get some air. Why don't you guys hang out some more? It's okay," he said reaching for his basketball from the nearby closet.

"Ben, wait. I want to hear what is going on with your parents."

"I know. I just need to clear my head. I can't really talk about it right now."

Felicity looked at him with concern, and noticed quickly that she wasn't going to change his mind. "What about dinner? I was going to make….."

"It's okay. You two talk. I'll be back soon, and I'll pick up something on my way back. Chinese, okay?"

Felicity nodded. "Yeah, that's good." She could tell that whatever had happened with his parents, was tearing him apart, but he was trying to be strong. She hated to see him hurting like this. She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "Don't be gone too long."

A few hours later, Ben and Felicity told Meghan goodnight after sharing dinner together after all. Then Felicity pulled their bed down from the wall, and began rearranging the pillows and sheets to allow them a place to sit. He had been quiet through most of the meal. She knew he was thinking it all out, trying to figure out how to handle whatever was going on. He often got quiet like this, and as much as she tried to respect his need for space, she ached to see him so troubled. She led him to the bed, and sat down next to him. "Ben, do you want to talk about it?"

Ben sighed, "I don't know. It's just…Mom called and she said that Dad is gone. He's missing. She's looked everywhere and she can't find him…."

"What? Ben, I'm so sorry. Does she have any idea why he would just take off like that? I mean, you don't think he was out drinking or…."

"Yeah, that's pretty much the conclusion we've come to."

"But, why? I mean, he was so close to getting a new liver. Why would he do that?"

"I don't know. Mom said something about he found a letter from a guy friend of hers and got all jealous."

"Oh," Felicity replied softly. "I'm sorry, Ben. I know this must remind you of when you were younger. And you've been getting a bit closer to him lately. God, your mom must be so worried."

Ben began unbuttoning his shirt, distractedly. "Yeah, she is. I think she wants me to come home, and help her find him. But, our semester just started. I can't just leave."

Felicity helped him with his shirt, making him more comfortable. "I know, Ben. But he's your dad. And your mom is really worried. I think she needs you."

Ben sighed, "I know. She always has."

Felicity smiled lightly, nodding. "I know and it's great that you've always been there for her, I know that she appreciates it. She's told me so, many times." She paused, watching him closely as he stood to get his boxers and finish getting changed for bed. "But, I know that has to get tiring. I mean, you care about your Mom. And you want to help her, but I have a feeling you wish she didn't rely on you so much."

"Yeah," Ben replied softly, sitting back down on the bed. He lay back on the bed, bringing Felicity with him. She laid her head on his chest, and looked at him as he spoke. "I just wish they could figure things out on their own sometimes. And I can't leave right now. Not only did classes just start, but Professor Hodges, he offered me this great opportunity to help him with a project. A lab or something. It might be published and all."

"Really? Wow, that's amazing."

"Yeah, and I can't do the lab if I have to go to California. This couldn't come at a worse time."

"I know, Ben. But your mom wouldn't call you if she didn't think this was very serious. Your dad could really be hurt…"

"Yeah, but that's just it. Part of me doesn't even care."

"Ben, don't say that. You and your dad have come so far. He is a good man, he just…I don't know, he has some issues he is still working out. I know you're tired of dealing with all of this, and it's is really bad timing, but I think you should at least think about going back home."

"I'll go. I kinda have to. But this totally messes up the project with Hodges. It's a big deal, and I don't want to drop out of it. I mean, I was shocked he offered it to me anyway. And I'm barely making this pre med thing as it is."

"Ben, you are not barely making it. You're doing really great." She smiled at him. "Besides, maybe Elena and I could fill in for you or something, check on the lab for you."

"Yeah. That could work, I guess." He shook his head, and sighed. "This semester is not off to a good start, and I'm already exhausted."

She chuckled softly, "Yeah, things are off to an interesting start, for sure. But it's going to be okay. We'll get through this- together."

"Yeah," he said as he rubbed her back softly. They lay there in each other's arms, Felicity's gentle touch calming Ben. "Hey, what were you and Meghan talking about? She said you had to talk to me about something…."

She thought to herself for a moment, "No, it's okay. It's not anything special. We can talk about it some other time."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Ben sat down at his desk in his old room in Palo Alto. It felt so strange being home, especially under the circumstances. He and his mom ended up finding his father in San Jose, and put him in a hospital there. He had in fact gone on a bender, and was now hooked up to the life support machines he had never wanted. Ben knew this- his father had made it very clear to him when he appointed him power of attorney- but his mom had been so distraught, that he let the doctors put him on the respirator. He was now back in Palo Alto, and in respiratory failure as a result of his liver failing. Ben couldn't help but be angry with him, since he knew this new ordeal would forever change his mother. She was terrified of his dad dying, and Ben wasn't so sure that wouldn't happen, though he kept reassuring her. It was so difficult for Ben to forgive his father, for all the pain he had caused. He didn't know if he could ever understand how it happened- how his dad became such a terrible alcoholic.

The phone rang, causing Ben to jump slightly as he realized he had dozed off, with his head on the desk. _The stress is getting to me, I guess, _he thought. He couldn't help but smile, though, when he heard Felicity's sweet voice on the other end.

"Hi, honey! How are things going?"

"Oh, hey babe," he whispered. "It's so good to hear your voice, you have no idea."

"What's wrong?" she could tell he was worried, just by the tone of his voice.

"Oh, it's just the normal crap, you know," Ben sighed.

"Did something happen with your dad? Is he worse?"

"No, actually he is a bit better today. They were able to get him off the respirator, and mom and I got to talk to him some."

"Well, that's good. So, why do you sound so upset?"

Ben laughed lightly, "You can tell, huh?"

"Yes, it is me we are talking about. I've always had a six sense about you, you know. Way back before we even met," she smiled.

"Yeah, I guess so." Ben couldn't help but smile as he thought for a moment of his incredible luck in marrying the woman of his dreams. "Well, he and I had a bit of an argument. It's just….he was trying to apologize- yet again- and I just couldn't stand to hear it. I'm so tired of it, you know. I mean, how many times have mom and I heard that crap before?"

"I know that, Ben. But he had a really scary experience. He's probably just processing it all, and he is grateful to you….."

"He can be grateful all he wants, but I'm still not going to forgive him. Not this time, not ever."

Felicity sighed, thinking of how much her husband had been hurt over the years. She began speaking again gently, hoping he would hear what she had to say. "Ben, I know this is so hard on you. I wish I could be there to hold you right now, I really do."

"Me, too."

"But I think you need to put this all behind you now, all the other times that your dad has hurt you. And just focus on what is happening now, so you can get through it. I think you need to talk to your dad, really talk. Hear him out, ask that he hear you out. And try to move on…from this place. Ben, I just don't want you to regret anything. I mean, your dad is really sick."

"I know. You're right. I just don't know how to forgive him. I don't know if I can."

"I think you should try, for your sake, and for your mom, if not for him. I just don't want you to carry all this anger around inside you. You have the most gentle, caring heart of anyone I have ever met, and I think- I think you need to open it up- your heart- to the one person you didn't ever think you could forgive. I think that would help you so much, to move on, and to feel more secure."

"I guess. I don't know. I always get so angry when he just opens his mouth. I just don't know that I can believe him. We gave him another chance, and look what happened."

"I know. It's awful. Nobody can deny that. But do you really want the last conversation you had with your father to be an argument?"

"He may make it…."

"I know that, and I really hope he does. But, maybe you need to forgive him in order to live, really live. You know what I mean? It will give you the strength to move on."

"Yeah, I think you're right." Ben sat thinking of what she had said, and knew that she was right, as always. "God, I wish you were here. I miss you so much."

"I miss you, too."

They were quiet for a few moments, and Felicity knew that Ben was thinking things through. Ben then asked, "Hey, how are things there? We've just been talking about me. How are you doing?"

"Oh, everything is good. I've been checking on your lab for you, with Elena. And everything is going okay, though I have to say, I've been out of pre-med too long, I have no idea what the lab is about."

Ben couldn't help but chuckle. "What? You are the smartest person I know. There is no way that lab is so difficult for you."

"Well, doing art the past few years has diminished my scientific abilities, I guess," she giggled. "No, it's not so bad actually. It's kind of fun."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it makes me feel closer to you. To what your future- our future- will be like. Does that sound silly?"

"No, of course not. I know what you mean. And I'm glad to hear that."

Felicity smiled, warmed by the fact that Ben sounded much calmer. "Well, it's getting late here. I better get to bed. Let me know things go tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, of course I will." Ben sat rubbing his wedding band, gaining strength from her. "Thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much."

"Well, that's good to hear. And I love you, too."

The next day, Ben entered his dad's hospital room and saw his mom crying as she laid her head next to his father's chest. His father was gently rubbing her head, as he quietly spoke to her. Ben was immediately alarmed, "What's wrong, Mom? Did something happen?"

She lifted her head and looked at her son. "Oh hi, honey. I didn't hear you come in. No, nothing happened. Your dad and I were just talking. About you, actually."

"Me? And that made you cry?" Ben was puzzled.

His dad spoke then. "Son, we were just talking about how you saved my life. How you made such a difficult decision, about the treatment I needed. And it wasn't what I said that I wanted, but somehow….you knew that we needed another chance, as a family. I mean that's what happened, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," Ben responded quietly. "I just hated to see mom so scared."

"I know, son. You've always been so good to your mom. We both appreciate that."

Ben nodded, and then looked at his mom. "Hey mom, can you give dad and I a few minutes?"

She looked surprised, but then smiled. "Of course. I'll be right outside, Andrew." She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. And then she left, closing the door behind her.

Andrew looked at Ben, a bit nervously, and asked, "What's going on, son?"

Ben sat down next to his father and breathed in a deep breath, as he looked at his wedding band and recalled Felicity's words last night. "Dad, I wanted to talk to you about this stuff. It- it isn't really easy for me to do this. I think you know already that it's very hard for me to forget everything…everything that has happened in the past. How you've hurt me and mom."

"I know," Mr. Covington nodded. "And you have to believe me when I say that I am really sorry for all of it."

Ben nodded, "I know. I just- I'm just trying to figure out a way to forgive you. So we can move on from this place. But I don't think you've ever known how much your drinking, and how you hurt us- mom especially- has really affected me." Ben paused, gathering his thoughts. "I want to hear you out, but you need to hear me out, too."

"Go on, son," his father said softly, tears forming in his eyes.

Ben listened to the machines in the room, and gazed at the heart monitors before continuing. "Dad, you nearly killed yourself here. And the doctors aren't even sure you're going to make it, but you know what? I can't even really feel sad about it, because I'm still so angry. And that isn't fair to anyone, not you, not mom, and definitely not me. "

His father nodded, silently asking him to continue. "I don't know how you became this way, and I am not sure I will ever understand why you drink the way you do. But I realize now that I have to forgive you. I may never forget what you've done to us, but I have to forgive you so I can move on. So, I can get past this anger that has…..has cost me so much. Mainly my relationship with you."

"Son, I don't know that I would ever be able to explain to you why I've done the things that I've done. Why I got so jealous of your mom's friend, why I….why I hit you and your mom when you were a kid." He saw Ben cringe, and continued more gently. "But, Ben, no matter what happened, I always- _always_- loved you and your mom. If you know nothing else about me, just know that."

Ben nodded, "I know that, dad. We love you, too."

"Thank you for talking to me about this. I know it wasn't easy, and it means so much to me. I know now how sick I've been all these years, and I'm going to get help. My life is too important to me- you and your mom are too important to me. Maybe- maybe we can have another chance now? Maybe when I get out of here, we can spend some time together?"

Ben exhaled slowly, "Yeah, maybe." He wasn't sure his father understood how truly sick he was, and he didn't want to be the one to tell him. All that was important is that they'd had this conversation; everything else would have to wait. He stood up then. "Well, I better go get mom now. She's probably worried."

Mr. Covington smiled slightly, "Yeah, you know how your mom is. I'm not sure what she is going to do when you leave to go back to New York."

"Yeah, I know. And I leave day after tomorrow." He made his way to the door, and was about to go out when he heard his father whisper, "Ben, I love you. And I'm so proud of you."

Ben turned and looked back, "Thanks, Dad."

"Felicity?" Ben called out, as he opened the door to their apartment. It had been a long flight home, and he was exhausted, but he also was really anxious to see his wife. He had missed her so much. But hearing no response, he assumed she wasn't home and sat down on the couch. He laid his head back, trying to catch a few minutes of rest before unpacking and trying to find Felicity.

He had just dozed off when he felt a soft, wet kiss on his neck. He opened his eyes, and found Felicity next to him on the couch, with nothing but a beautiful green nightgown on. "Hey," he whispered.

She leaned in and kissed him on the mouth, and tugged a little on his lower lip as she pulled away. "Hey yourself," she said with a giggle. "I wanted to surprise you when you got home, but when I got out of the bathroom, here you were asleep on the couch. Without giving me a proper hello," she said with an exaggerated pout.

Ben smiled, "Well, we need to remedy that right away." He pulled her to him, and wrapped his arms around her as their lips met in a passionate kiss. He rubbed his hands up and down her spine, and reveled in the feel of her. She sat up then, straddling her legs across him, and began to undo the buttons on his shirt. She smiled when she saw him close his eyes as she rubbed her fingers lightly across his chest. Ben gazed at her through heavy eyes, and was overcome, once again, by the intensity of love he felt for this woman. He forgot all about his worries, as he let himself be taken over by the passion between them. Felicity leaned down and began placing soft kisses on his chest, gradually moving down so she could undo the button on his jeans. She helped him out of his jeans, then sighed as he placed his hands under her nightgown, finding she had nothing on underneath. "Felicity…" Ben whispered huskily, as he explored her body with his hands. She felt herself grow more and more aroused, and when he found her taut nipples, she let out a small moan.

Ben brought her lips down to his, and kissed her with every ounce of his body. She felt a shiver all the way down her spine, as he moved his kisses to her neck, then kissed her breast through the gown. She brought his face to hers again, and whispered, "You have on too many clothes." She quickly shed him of his last layer of clothing, and then straddled him once again. As their bodies became one, Felicity moaned his name and said, "I missed you so much." Ben, overcome with her beauty, and the passion between them, could only whisper, "I know." Felicity kept the movements slow and tender, causing the eventual release aching within them, to be more intense than they had ever known. She collapsed atop him, and Ben brought her head down next to his, kissing her on the temple. "Now that is the best hello I have ever gotten," she sighed.

"Glad I could oblige," he replied.

They moved so Felicity could lie next to him, as Ben pulled his boxers back on, before lounging on the corner of the couch. "This was never the biggest couch, but it seems really small right now," she giggled.

"Yeah, this couch has never seen so much activity."

Felicity slapped him lightly on the chest, "are you complaining?"

"What? No way." He pulled her to him, and she laid her head on his chest. He lazily rubbed his fingers down her back, as she listened to his heartbeat beneath her ear. They remained quiet for some time, enjoying the closeness.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" she asked quietly.

"Hmmm? Yeah, I guess. There isn't much to tell. Like I told you on the phone last night, Dad is getting worse again."

"I know. You said he might have to go back on the respirator."

"Yeah, but he doesn't want that. Mom is kind of angry with me for not allowing it. But I know what he said, and I don't want to go against his wishes again."

"He appreciates that, I'm sure."

Ben sighed, "That's just it. We don't know what he is thinking because he is so weak he can't talk to us. I don't understand how he got so much better, and we had that talk, and now it seems like he's dying again."

"I'm so sorry, Ben. Maybe he woke up so he could talk to you. Maybe that's what he needed before he could let go."

"Yeah, you may be right." He sighed. "I just never thought it would end like this. I mean, I didn't think we'd lose him like this. I figured it would be a car accident or something, when he was drunk. But this- it's just so hard. They were going to start over, we all were. I don't know if Mom will make it without him."

"She'll have you. And what's important is that you resolved things with him, so no matter what happens, you won't regret anything."

"Yeah, I guess."

She lifted her head, and looked at him. She could tell he was working through his grief, and that there was nothing else she could do for him right now. He needed to figure it out on his own. All she could do was give him her love. "I love you," she whispered.

He opened his eyes, and smiled. "I love you, too. Thank you so much- for everything."

She leaned down and kissed him softly on the nose, "You're more than welcome."


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

"_Dear Sally, It's me. I know, I know. It's been forever since I sent you a tape. And you've probably forgotten the sound of my voice. But I really wanted to talk to you about something- something that happened. I'm so worried about it, about a lot of things. So I pulled out my recorder, and thought of you. I've been thinking about it- how we relied so much on each other. We sent these tapes and it was like a way to stay in touch, but not only that, a way to make sense of our worlds. Does that sound silly? But I really need that right now."_

Felicity sat down on the sofa in their apartment, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. She sighed, and then put the recorder to her lips once more. _"I don't know where to begin. I guess with Ben's dad being sick. Did I tell you about that? Well, he got worse and Ben went to Palo Alto to see him, and they had this amazing talk where they started to work through their issues. I was so proud of him for doing it. But now something's happened, and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to make it better. You see, Ben's dad…he died. We just found out a few days ago. And Ben, well he is understandably upset. I mean, he should be. But there's something else. It's like a part of him has left me. I know I shouldn't be thinking about me, but he's my husband now. And I want to share everything with him, even the sad things. Like this. But he….for some reason, has pulled away. I know what you'll say- that I need to give him his space. But it's just so hard. I hate to see him hurting so much. The other night, I tried to get him to talk about it and we had this awful little argument. Well, it wasn't really an argument, just a…difficult talk, I guess. It didn't end badly, or anything."_

Felicity stopped for a minute, her mind taking her back to that moment. She knew she had to share this with her friend, so she could get the guidance she wanted. But it was hard. _"I just told him that it was hard to see him so sad, and that I wanted him to talk to me about it._ _And well, he said that he didn't have anything to talk about. That his father was dead, and that was all there was to it. I pushed, which I know I shouldn't have……" _Her mind took her back to that night, and she could still hear what they had said to each other.

_"Felicity, I know that you just want to help. But there is nothing to say. My dad is gone. That's all there is to it."_

_"But Ben, you don't ever want to talk about it. And I know you must need to. I mean, I would. Losing your father is so awful….."_

_"Yeah, it's awful. But not everything needs to be talked about all the time. Yes, I'm upset he's gone. But I don't want to keep going over it. He's gone, and I just have to deal with it."_

_"I understand, Ben. I know you're very busy with school and work. But, I can tell you're trying to keep yourself occupied, though. You don't even want to go out anymore. We don't sit and watch movies together anymore."_

_"Felicity, this has nothing to do with you. Just like you said, I'm busy. I have a lot going on. We had dinner together tonight, though."_

_"Yes, I loved that. But you're a million miles away. I want to know what you're thinking, if there's anything I can do for you. To make you feel better."_

_Ben stood up abruptly, pushing his chair back from the table. "There really isn't anything you can do. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I…I just need some time to think. It's not about you. We're okay, we are. I swear."_

_Felicity nodded, but knew she was not quite sure of what he had said. _

_"Look, I'm going to go to the library for a bit. To study. I'll be back in a couple of hours."_

_Felicity stood. "You can't study here?"_

_"No, not really. The other night, you sat next to me, supposedly working on something, but you kept looking at me. I can't concentrate with you doing that."_

_Felicity understood what he meant, and backed off. She knew she was a bit overbearing at times. "Maybe I was admiring your profile. Thinking about drawing your portrait," she said with a small smile._

_Ben chuckled. "Well, I hope that isn't true. There is no way you're doing my portrait." He moved closer to her, and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. "Listen, thanks for caring about me so much. I just don't want to talk sometimes, you know that."_

_"Yeah, I know that. I just hoped it would get better once we were married."_

_"Felicity, being married doesn't change who you are. And like I said, there really isn't anything for me to talk about. Dad is gone. I have to move on."_

_"Yeah, I know," she nodded._

Felicity moved her position, this time lounging on the couch with her feet propped up on the coffee table. She put her mouth to the recorder again. _"Sally, I know that he's right, that you have to move on from something like this. He needs to work through this on his own, and it'll take time. But when he pulls away from me like this, as much as I understand why, I get scared. I mean, he's my husband, but I'm still this insecure girl who worries she is going to lose the best thing that ever happened to her. The guy I followed to NY, and have loved all my life. I don't know why."_

She sighed, taking a breath before continuing._ "Maybe it's not even about Ben. Maybe it's just the fact that people can be taken from you so abruptly, right after you are trying to make amends. It's scary. I mean, his family is forever changed now. What will happen in the future? What will become of his mom? That's the thing, I guess. The future."_

She paused for a moment, the truth hitting her: what was really scaring her. _"I don't know why it sounds so scary to me. That word. The future._ _Maybe it's the fact that I don't even know what my future will be. I can't even make up mind about my career, about what I want to do. And to think that everything is so fleeting, and that things like this happen. I mean, I get so worried about every little disagreement Ben and I have, or a classmate, or friend and I have. And I realize I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I know that I have this wonderful marriage that I treasure, but nothing else seems certain to me anymore. I was used to having my life all planned out for me, and now we're going to graduate in less than a few months. And I have no idea what I am going to do. For a job, for anything. I'm scared to change my major back to pre-med, I'm scared to stick with art. I mean, I can't even get a stupid art dealer in town to even look at my stuff."_

She cringed, remembering the day last week she took her portfolio to an art gallery in town and was immediately rejected. _"And did I tell you that they let Professor Cavallo come back to work? I can't believe that. I mean, after what he did to me. I guess they put him on some sort of suspension, and he isn't teaching a full load of classes, but he's still here. I have to see him in the halls, or hear other students talking about him. And every time I think about him, I cringe. I think maybe he was right about me, that I'm not meant to be an artist. I don't even know that I am, myself. I've lost that faith I used to have. I feel like I'm a bit lost, and the only person I want to talk about it with- Ben- I don't feel like I can." _She paused again, realizing she had been talking for a long time. _"Well, I'm sure you're worn out listening to me complain about my life. I know I shouldn't ask this, but can you send me a tape real soon? Let me know what you think. I guess I just needed to talk this out. So, talk back to me soon, okay?"_

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben and Sean headed back to the apartment after a tough game of basketball. They were shivering from the cold, but drenched with sweat nonetheless. Sean was complaining the whole way, Ben having beaten him once again.

"Man, I just don't get it. How come you never give me a break? I can't ever win a game against you."

"Well, maybe that's because you suck," Ben joked in reply.

"God, man. That was harsh," Sean said with a pout.

Ben chuckled. "Sorry, man. But you always ask me this after every game we play. Yet you never get any better. Do you even play with anyone else besides me? Maybe you need to practice more."

"Yeah, right. Who am I going to play with? Richard? Or Meghan?"

Ben laughed, "Oh God, no. No one would win that game."

They laughed together as Ben opened the door to the apartment. Sean followed him in. "So what's next, man? You going to work now or what?"

Ben threw his bag down on the floor, grabbing some water for the both of them out of the fridge. "Nope, not tonight. I have to study and work on my lab some. I shouldn't even have played basketball. I have too much to do."

Sean nodded. He was hesitant as he started to speak again. "Hey, how are you doing, man? I mean, about your dad. You haven't really talked about it."

"You, too, huh?" Ben said, as he shook his head.

"What?"

"Nothing, just Felicity was riding me about how important it is to talk things out. And now you're doing it, too."

"Ben, she just does that because she loves you."

"I know that." Ben sat down on the couch and began kicking his shoes off. "But there is nothing to say, really. I lost my dad, but I was never really close to him anyway. It's my mom she should be so worried about."

"Yeah, I know she's having it rough now. I'm sorry, man."

"It's okay. I'm used to it. I mean, helping my mom out."

"That's tough, man. A lot of stuff on your plate."

Ben stood up, and moved towards the fridge to get a snack. "Yeah, that's for sure. Listen man, I need to get to studying. I'll call you later this week, okay?"

"Sure. I guess I should say thanks for the game, but I'm not sure I will."

Ben patted him on the back, and walked him to the door. "Maybe next time, man." They both laughed as the door closed between them. _Like that would ever happen, _Ben thought as he shook his head.

Just then he noticed the light on their answering machine was blinking. They had a message. _It's probably my mom again, _he sighed. But when he pushed the button he heard a voice he never thought he'd have to hear again:

"_Felicity, it's Noel. I know I probably shouldn't be leaving you a message, since Ben might pick it up. And you haven't called me since we talked last. But I was talking to Elena the other night, and she told me about Ben's dad. That he died. And I just wanted to call and give him my condolences. And you, too. I feel so bad for him and his family. This is so awful. Anyway, I was just thinking about you. And I was hoping we could talk again. I liked seeing you the other day. Well, I know this is probably kind of odd, me calling, but I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you- about both you guys. Call me if you can. Bye."_

Ben stood there unable to move for several long seconds. He felt as if he had been hit in the pit of the stomach. _Why is Noel calling here? When did he and Felicity talk? Why didn't she tell me?_ His thoughts started to race, imagining all the horrible things this could mean, and he needed to sit down.

He was still sitting there, with his head in his hands, when Felicity opened the door an hour later. She came over to him quickly. "Ben? What's wrong, honey? Are you okay?"

He lifted his head from his hands, and she could tell he had tears in his eyes. He didn't speak, he only looked at her.

"Ben? I'm here. Tell me what is wrong."

He stood up, and began pacing, looking at the floor. "Did you talk to him because I wouldn't? Because I've been so busy, is that why you talked to him?"

"Him? Who's him? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Noel," he said firmly.

A shiver ran down her immediately after hearing his name. She felt awful, she had meant to tell Ben about talking to him, but never did. "Ben, what happened? Did he call here or something?"

"Yeah, he left you a message. Something about being sorry about my dad, and wanting to continue your talk, or whatever." He paused, shaking his head in disbelief. "You talked to him? Why?"

"Ben, it was a few weeks ago. At Dean and Deluca. He came to see me there. He just wanted to talk, and try to move on from where we left things. It was nothing, really."

"Nothing? What did you even talk about? I mean, he sounded like it was something serious. Just the way he said it, that you had _talked_."

"Ben, it was nothing. I just told him some things that were bothering me. That's all. It was very uncomfortable for me, actually."

"What things that are bothering you? Was it all about my dad? Or what?"

"No, not about your dad. It was right before he got so sick."

"Then what was it?" He kept pacing around the room, avoiding eye contact.

"Ben, can you stop moving around, please. You're making me nervous. Can we sit down, please?"

He moved over to the couch, and sat beside her. "Felicity, I just don't understand why you couldn't tell me you had this talk with Noel. Something must've happened for you not to tell me about it."

"No, no, no. That's not it. You just had your own stuff going on. Listen, it was not that big of a deal. He asked me about my classes, and I told him I was kind of confused. About what I wanted to do, you know, stuff like that."

"You're confused about what you want to do? What do you mean? You love your art classes," Ben replied, his voice calming some.

"Yeah, I love them. But- but you remember when we were in Florida, and you helped that woman who had fallen and hurt herself? And how you've helped Javier with his heart trouble. You just- you have so much to offer, to help people. And I think about art, and how there is nothing that I can do with it that would make as much of a difference as being a doctor…"

"Yeah, but I'm not even sure I'm going to make it through this pre-med thing."

She leaned over and took his hand in hers. "I know that, Ben. And I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I am absolutely certain that you'll make it. But that's not it, it's not you. It's about me. Maybe….maybe I'm thinking I shouldn't have switched to art. I mean, maybe I just did that because I wanted to do something on my own. But now, I just don't know if it's what I should do. I don't know what I want to do, really. Everything is so scary to me," she whispered, a bit ashamed to say this in front of him.

Ben softened immediately. "Babe, you never told me this. I didn't know you were feeling this way."

"I know. I wanted to talk to you about it, but you were so busy with your mom and dad, I just didn't want to burden you with my silly worries. What was going on with you and your family was much more important."

Ben shook his head. "No, nothing is as important to me as what is going on with you. I mean it." He leaned over and touched his hand to her cheek. "So, you talked about all this with Noel? What did he say?"

She laughed lightly. "He told me I should talk to you about it."

He chuckled in reply. "Well, that's the best advice I've heard from that guy in a long time."

"Yeah," she smiled. "Ben, I'm sorry. I don't mean to keep things from you."

He grasped her hand in his and brought her palm to his lips. "Well, the way I see it we both need to do some more talking. You were telling me to open up, well I think it goes both ways. You need to tell me what is going on, too."

"I know. I will."

"Listen, we don't know what's going to happen in the future. But you never have to face things alone. We're partners. But you need to tell me things like this. Okay? I don't like feeling like I just did. That I didn't know what was going on with you. It scared me. And I'm sorry that I haven't been talking to you much, about my dad. I need to do better at that, I know."

"Yeah, but I don't need to pressure you so much. So I am at fault, too."

Ben rubbed his thumb across her palm. "No, you're not. We just have to work together. And if you want to go back to pre-med, that's fine by me. That's great, actually. Then we can study together."

"I'm not sure much studying would be going on," she laughed lightly.

"Yeah, probably not," he smiled in return.

"We okay, now?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, yeah. We're perfect." He leaned his forehead onto hers, and they sat there, heads close together, for some time.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Before they knew it, Valentine's Day had come and gone, and Ben and Felicity were full force into their final semester at UNY. Felicity had decided to remain with art for now, and start premed sometime after they graduated. She figured she might as well finish her degree, and move on from there. Ben agreed, and they spent many a night talking about the future. Ben knew he was far from done with school though, and struggled a bit with knowing that while he was still in school, their lives would not be easy. He worried about money, and how he would support them both. He worried where he would even finish his premed classes, as they had not decided yet if they would remain in NY or not. On top of that, he still mourned his father and some days were very tough on him. So, today, on this rainy day in early March, he found himself sitting across from Dr. Pavone. Felicity had encouraged him to come see her, but now he was seriously regretting that decision. He hated how she just stared at him, waiting for him to say something.

Ben coughed, clearing his throat. "Um…like I said, I'm not sure why I'm here. I just know Felicity thought it might help…to have someone to talk to, I guess."

"Yeah, you said that a minute ago. So, why are _you_ here? Don't tell me why Felicity thought you should come. I want to hear what you're thinking," Dr. Pavone said almost forcefully, as she gazed at him.

Ben shuffled in his seat, as he had been doing since he walked in her door. She had this way of making him very uncomfortable. "I don't know why I'm here, really. I guess…I just know Felicity wanted me to try this, and….well, I know she's normally right about things, so I'm here," he replied, smiling at the end.

"I see," she said, nodding her head.

Ben shook his head, "Is that all you're going to say? _I see?_"

"Ben, you seem to think I'm the one who's supposed to be talking here. But you're the one who came to see me, and said you wanted to talk. I'm just sitting here waiting for that talking to start."

Ben nodded, knowing she was right, and he had to start talking or he'd never leave here. But truth be told, he didn't want to be here at all. "I guess it's just that Felicity has been worried about me, and maybe I've been worried a bit, too."

Dr. Pavone nodded, imploring him to continue. "What about?"

Ben shuffled in his seat again, "I don't know. Everything, I guess. School, Felicity, my dad."

"Well, I can understand why you're thinking about your dad. Is that what you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. There really isn't much to say."

"I see," she nodded. She could tell he was going to clam up on that topic for now. "Then let's back up a bit, and talk about why you're worried about Felicity. Did you two have a fight or something? Is that why you're here?"

"No, no, we haven't fought. We just got back from spring break. We went out of town for a bit, and we had a great time. We always do," he smiled shyly.

"Then why are you worried?"

"About Felicity? I guess I'm not, really. It's just, well….we're married now and I don't know how we're going to do this thing. I mean with me going to be in pre med for so long, and all."

"Oh, so you're worried about if you can take care of her, provide for her," she asked.

"Provide? I don't know, I don't think of it that way. Well, maybe I do. Just, you know, life. How we will make it. I guess it's just money, I'm thinking about. And just her, you know," he replied quietly.

"What about her?"

Ben shuffled in his seat once again, not sure he wanted to talk about this. "I guess it goes back to my dad really."

"I see. How exactly?"

"Just…well, you know he died right? Just a couple months ago?"

"Yeah, Felicity told me. I'm very sorry, Ben."

"That's just it. I'm not, at least not all the time. He was….not an easy person to be around. You know…."

"Yes, I know about some of the stuff he put you through. But he was your father, Ben. Maybe part of what you're going through is just grief. Did you think about that? There are normal phases…."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Felicity has told me that so many times," he interrupted, not wanting to go over that again.

Dr. Pavone nodded, taking in his refusal to talk about his father and deciding not to push it. "So, how does your father, and your relationship with him, impact you and Felicity? You seem to be making a connection between the two."

Ben looked down at his feet, thinking about how to put into words what he has been feeling. "I don't know. I guess I worry if I am…in any way, like him," he said finally.

"Hmmm…I wondered if that was where you were going with this. And though I never met your father, I can't see any comparison between the two of you. Why do you think there is?"

"I'm not sure. I know that I'm not a drunk like him, but will I be….a failure, like he was? I mean, he totally messed up his career and wasted his…."

"Ben, I'm going to stop you right there. How do you think you're a failure?"

Ben exhaled slowly, "I'm not saying that I am, now, I mean. I just worry about down the road, will I be able to do all of this? I mean, I get so angry and frustrated some times, and I don't know that I can really be a doctor…"

"How are you angry?"

Ben thought about it for a moment, "I guess with myself, really."

"I see," she replied.

"God, you love that phrase, don't you?" he shook his head in exasperation.

"Yeah, I do," she replied. "Please go on."

"I don't know what I'm trying to say," he whispered.

"You were saying sometimes you feel angry with yourself. Why?"

"I don't know if I'm angry really, more just irritated. Or annoyed. I don't know." He paused. "I guess I just worry about us, I mean me and Felicity. I don't know why she's with me, I guess. I know that sounds stupid. I mean, she did marry me…"

"Yes, she surely did. That has to count for something, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I know," he paused, not sure what else he wanted to say.

Dr. Pavone looked at him thoughtfully, "Let me see if I can put this all together. You are grieving your father, and when you think about what sort of person he was, and your relationship with him, you worry that, somehow, you will continue that pattern. And that is starting to make you doubt your ability to be a doctor, to be the person that you truly are. And in some ways, more importantly, it makes you wonder if you deserve to be with Felicity. Am I right?"

Ben thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Ben, you never give yourself enough credit. You've been like that as long as I've known you. You're a much better person, and capable of much more, than you ever give yourself credit for."

Ben shuffled in his seat again, and when he stopped, he looked at her. "I guess. Felicity….she always has this faith in me. I don't know where it came from. I guess, it's just, I don't ever want to disappoint her. And I'm afraid I will, someday."

"Ben, I can understand that. But what you're forgetting is that people make mistakes, things are rough sometimes. You're not always going to know what you want to do, or whether you can do it or not. But life's not about being perfect. And it's not always going to be perfect between Felicity and you either. But what is important to remember is that she loves you, and it's plainly obvious that you love her, too. Look, I think you need to start giving yourself more credit, and let life go the way it's going to go. Not think about it so much."

Ben nodded, taking in what she said.

"It's funny, really, you and Felicity. You've become so similar in some ways. I used to tell her the same thing."

Ben laughed, "Yeah, I guess so." He grew quiet again. "I wish I had her strength, though."

"Look, Ben. You do have strength. You have a lot of things. The point is, you need to start believing in yourself. I can't make you do that, Felicity can't either. It's something that you have to do for yourself."

"Yeah, I think you're right."

"Good, then get on out of here. Go home to your wife," she stood up. "And don't come back here whining about you're not good enough for her. I don't want to hear it."

Ben laughed, embarrassed, as he stood up to leave. "Okay, okay. You have a deal," he smiled.

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That same day, Felicity and Elena were studying at the apartment. They had a bowl of chips and pretzels, as well as soda sitting on the table in front of them. But they kept coming back to the bowl of M&M's, which continued to be Elena's favorite snack while she was studying.

"So, how is Ben holding up?" Elena asked, as she stuffed another handful of treats in her mouth.

Felicity looked up from her book, "Well, I think he's actually doing okay now. He seems to be dealing with his dad a bit better. He's not as quiet, you know? I just hope he won't kill me for sending him to talk to Dr. Pavone."

"Whoa, Ben is talking to Dr. Pavone? Right now?"

"I'm not sure he is right now, but he was supposed to talk to her sometime today, yeah. Why? You don't think that's a good idea?"

"No, I just know she can be kind of intimidating."

"Yeah, I know. Believe me. I've been there."

"Why did you suggest he talk to her? Is it about his classes?"

"Yeah, partly. He just has a lot of stuff on his mind and I thought it would help."

Elena shook her head. "Wow, that boy really does love you if he'd go talk to her just because you asked him to."

Felicity smiled shyly, looking down. "Yeah, I know." She paused. "Oh, did I tell you he and I talked about our majors, and what we both want to do?"

"No, what did you have to talk about? I mean, he's premed, and you're doing your art thing."

"My art thing, huh? You sound like my dad," Felicity replied with a sigh.

"Well, you know I was never happy about losing my lab partner," Elena said.

"That's the thing. You may have your old lab partner back after all," Felicity said with a smile.

"What? You're going back to premed? Oh my God!" She stood up and walked over to hug her friend. Felicity accepted the hug, and started to blush.

"Don't get too excited. We're just talking about how after we finish our degrees here, we may both try to do some premed classes at the same time. At least Ben will, and I can do a little bit here and there. It's going to be tough, financially, which is what Ben is worrying about. But he was so great. He listened to me talk about why I wanted to do it, and he was supportive. I was kind of scared to talk to him about it."

"You? Scared to talk? Wow, it must be serious then," Elena joked.

Felicity swatted her on the arm, and told her to sit back down. "Stop it. I _am _serious. I just don't know if art is what I want to do, at least not forever. I mean, I want to do something to help people and my paintings and drawings don't do that."

"Yeah, I know. But you're really good at it Felicity. I mean it, you are."

"Yeah, well, you should come with me to the art galleries then. They've all shot me down pretty quickly. It's been horrible."

"Girl, all you have to do is keep at it. They'll see how good you are. And you could teach, like you mentioned once before."

"Yeah, I may do that. We're not really sure yet. We're just going to finish this semester and go from there. But, I thought you should know I may need a lab partner again soon. Though you'll probably leave me and go to Columbia or some cool place like that."

"I'm not sure yet. But I can finish things off here. I know my dad would think that is a good idea, for financial reasons."

"Well, whatever you decide to do, I may be calling you so we can study together."

"Girl, you know I'd love that. We're not going to lose touch no matter what. Don't you even worry about that."

"Good, I am glad to hear that, " she smiled.

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Later that night, as Felicity was looking through her increasingly complicated planner, she began to sigh. Her schedule was getting so tough. She had decided to take an additional class on art education, so now she was taking 16 credit hours. It was wearing on her already. She wished she was back on spring break with Ben. She smiled, just thinking about it. Then she looked at her calendar and noticed something else. She saw that she was a few days late on her period. She stopped, staring at the calendar. _That's the last thing I need now. A pregnancy scare. _ She started looking at her schedule again, deciding it was nothing. _It's probably just stress. That's all it is. I'll start my period tomorrow, I'm sure. _But the more she thought about it, the more she worried that wasn't the case. She looked back over the last month. _I had my period last on…February 5. That's right, it stopped before Ben and I went away for Valentine's Day. _She looked at this month, March, and saw she was due to start five days ago. _I'm five days late. _She started to panic a bit, so she sat down. _This is the last thing Ben needs now. He would be so worried. It's not the right time. _Once again, she shook her head, trying to get the thought out of her head. But it didn't work. _What if I am pregnant? Will Ben be upset? _Finally, she got up and headed into the kitchen to get a drink. _I will go out tomorrow and get one of those pregnancy tests. I'm sure it will be negative. And my period will start tonight, I just know it._

As she continued to try and talk herself out of worrying about the possibility of being pregnant, she began to think about the night they spent at the beautiful hotel Ben had surprised her with on Valentine's Day…..

"_Oh, Ben….this is the same room we had sophomore year!" She ran over to him and gave him a huge hug, then kissed him on the cheek. _

_Ben let his head fall into her neck, as he always did, and inhaled her scent. "Mmmm…well, I thought it would bring back some nice memories. I guess you like it then?"_

_Felicity pulled away so she could look at his face. She kissed him quickly. "Of course I like it," she said excitedly. _

"_I'm glad," Ben replied, kissing her on the nose. He moved to show her the bed. "Do you remember lying here and talking about the beds at the loft? It feels like yesterday."_

"_Yeah, I remember that. But I remember the other stuff we did more…" she said mischievously, as she came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. _

_Ben laughed lightly, "Yeah, I remember that, too." He turned to face her, "I wanted to be with you so bad that night. I hated that you had to leave."_

"_Well, if I remember correctly, your silly watch made me late for my test," she said with mock seriousness. _

"_Hmmm… it didn't seem like you minded much. At least…not while we were so… distracted," he whispered sexily, leaning in to kiss her ear. "Remember?"_

_Felicity could feel the effects of his hot breath on her skin already, she sighed, "Oh yes, I do. I believe we were both a bit bad….. And if I hadn't had to go look for Professor Morton, I think that would've been our first time." She began to lick his neck a bit, and smiled when he took a deep inhale as her hands made their way into his front pockets. _

"_I wanted to make love to you so bad that day," Ben whispered huskily. "It nearly killed me, having to wait." He moved his lips to her mouth and sucked on her lower lip as he rubbed his hands up and down her back. _

"_Well, Mr. Covington, this time I won't make you wait," she whispered into his ear. She led him over to the bathroom, pulling on the front of his shirt as she did._

"_Where are we going Mrs. Covington?" Ben grinned._

"_I thought we'd have a bath in this great tub. This time I won't be too shy to invite you to join me," she teased. _

_Ben grabbed her to him when they made into the bathroom, kissing her with all his might. She nearly fell over from the intensity of the kiss, and he caught her just as they both nearly toppled over on the floor. They giggled. "I think someone is very excited," she giggled. They both took off their clothes in a hurry, then Ben leaned over to start the bath as he gazed at her. "God, you're so beautiful." _

_Felicity moved toward him, stepping out of her panties as she did. She pulled him over to the sink, and leaned back as he began to place hot, wet kisses on her neck. Before either one knew what was happening, Ben had placed her on the sink and he was pressing against her. She looked at him, and whispered "I want you." That was all he needed to hear, and he entered her. Their passion overtook them, as Ben moved gently within her, both of them moaning each other's name. Ben held her close against him, as she clutched at his back. Their movements intensified until they both couldn't take it anymore, and they collapsed against the sink. Ben put his head to hers, "We never made it to the tub," Felicity giggled, "No, we didn't. But I think the water is plenty warm now…." They both giggled, as Ben helped her off of the sink and led her to the tub………_

Felicity smiled, thinking about that night. She knew they had made very good use of both the tub and the bed. _I wouldn't be surprised if that is when it happened, _she thought to herself. Then she shook her head, _How could I be pregnant? I don't think I've missed any of my birth control pills. _She couldn't help but be happy, if only for the smallest moment, as she thought about the possibility. _Ben and I are gonna have a baby! _But then she began to worry. _What will Ben think?_


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Felicity sat waiting for Ben to get home, folding and unfolding her hands anxiously. She had no idea how, or even if, she would tell Ben her concerns about possibly being pregnant. _Maybe I should just wait and make sure first. I don't want to worry him for no reason. _She leaned her head back on the sofa and sighed. _I'm sure it's nothing. I will get my period tomorrow, and all this worrying will be for nothing. At least I hope so. Because this is the last thing we need right now……_

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the key turn in the door, and then Ben entered their apartment calling her name. She stood up quickly, and pulled at her shirt, trying to compose herself.

"Hey there. How are you?" Ben said as he came toward her and leaned to give her hug. Instantly he could tell something was on her mind. "Hey, what's wrong? You seem like you're worried or something," he asked as he patted her on the back.

She hugged him tightly and replied, "No, there's nothing wrong. I was just sitting here missing you, that's all."

He moved so he could look at her face, studying it for any sign that she was hiding something. "You sure?"

She nodded, then smiled at him. "Yes, I am sure. Isn't a wife allowed to miss her husband?"

"Wow, I still can't quite get used to that word. _Wife_," he replied as he touched her face lovingly.

She leaned in to his touch, "Well, you better get used to that word because I'm afraid it's a permanent thing. When we got hitched, it was for life."

"Oh, that's just fine by me. I wouldn't have it any other way," he grinned. He leaned in and kissed her on the nose. It was becoming a habit of his lately, and it always made her blush. This time was no different.

She smiled, putting her head to his for a moment. "So, how was your day?"

"Oh, it was good. I talked to Dr. Pavone," he replied as he took off his coat.

"Oh? How did that go?"

"Oh, you know, she psychoanalyzed me, as always," he replied with a smirk. "It was quite fun actually. I sat there letting her tell me what to do, and what I was doing wrong with my life. It was the best."

"Yeah, right," she laughed. "I know it wasn't that simple."

"No, it wasn't. You're right."

"So, how did it go really? Was it helpful?"

Ben pulled her to him, as they fell back on the couch. They both laughed, as Felicity moved to sit next to him. "Oh yes, it was helpful. She made me dead certain I don't want to be a psychiatrist."

"Ben! Seriously, how did it go? I hope she wasn't too horrible. I remember how tough she was on me, I hated her at first."

"Yeah, but then you realized she was right. Isn't that how it went?"

She smiled. "Yes, exactly."

"Well, it was the same for me," he said softly, as he ran his fingers down her neck. "She made me see how lucky I am to have you."

"Me? You talked about me?" she asked with surprise.

"Of course we did," he replied.

"Really? I didn't think you'd be talking about me. I thought you'd talk to her about your dad…."

"Yeah, we did that, too. But it came back to you, as it always does."

"It always does? How?"

"Well, let's see. It's probably because you're the single most important person in my life," he said, leaning in for a kiss.

She kissed him back. "Ben….that is so sweet."

"Ugh, that is the same thing she said. That I'm sweet, and a better person than I think I am."

"Wow, she said that? Good for her. I've been trying to tell you that since freshman year…."

"Yeah, I know," he replied with a shy smile.

She smiled back. "So, it sounds like it went well. I was worried you'd hate me for suggesting it."

"No, I don't hate you. That would never happen," he shook his head. "You're way too beautiful."

He leaned in and kissed her thoroughly. When they came up for air, he whispered huskily, "So, are we going to sit here talking all night or can we move on to more…..physical activities?"

She giggled, as he inched his hand up her shirt. "I'd love to," she whispered. With that, he leaned her down on the couch, and showered her with kisses. Talking to him about her worries would just have to wait……

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The next morning, Felicity went out and bought a pregnancy test. She was so nervous, so nervous, in fact, she wasn't even sure she could take it. She had left Ben asleep in their bed.

She opened the door of their apartment, and found that Ben had been awake for some time. She could smell homemade pancakes cooking on the stove.

"Hey," she called out.

"Hey," he said from the kitchen. "Where did you go off to so early this morning?"

"Oh, I actually went to the store to get us breakfast." She came into the kitchen, and leaned to give him a kiss on the cheek. "But these pancakes look a lot better than the doughnuts I got."

"Don't say that yet, you haven't tried them. They may taste like dirt," he said with a self-conscious smile.

"Oh, that is impossible. You're the best cook there is," she teased.

"Hey, I know I suck at most things, but I think I made some pretty good pancakes here. At least I hope so. I think I will let you try them first, just to be sure."

"Oh? Like the time you didn't warn me when Sean made me taste that awful milkless cereal?"

Ben laughed, "Oh God, that was so much fun. I loved the look on your face."

She swatted him on the butt. "Hey, that's not funny."

"Sorry," he replied, leaning to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah, you should be," she said with mock seriousness. "Give me a minute. I will be right back," she said as she moved towards the bathroom.

"Sure. Don't take too long, or I might eat all of these myself."

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Later, after they finished their breakfast, Ben headed to the bathroom while Felicity worked on the dishes. She was standing there washing the skillet when she heard him come up behind her.

"Felicity, why did you buy this?"

Before she even turned around, she knew what he was holding in his hand. _Dammit_, _I thought I hid that thing._ She turned and looked at his hand, then up at his face. "Where did you find that?"

"I needed to get my nail clipper out of the drawer and it was in there," he replied slowly.

"Oh," she said simply. _I have no idea what to say_, she thought she stared at the floor.

"Felicity, why did you buy it? Are- are you pregnant?"

She brought her eyes back to his and whispered, "I might be."

"Really? But how? I mean, I know how, but I thought we were being careful. Are you sure?"

She put the dishrag back on the sink and moved closer towards him. "No, I'm not sure. I haven't taken the test yet."

"Well, why did you buy it? I mean, you must have reason to think…."

"Because my period is about six days late," she said softly. "I'm sorry, Ben. I didn't mean for you to find this way. I wanted to be sure before I said anything to you."

"Felicity, you don't have to apologize. I just- I can't believe it. I really thought we were being careful…."

"I know. Me, too. But birth control isn't 100 effective," she replied, looking at him intently. "It isn't that bad, is it? I mean, that we may be pregnant?"

"What? No, I mean, I guess not. I mean, you know I want to have kids with you. Just now….it's not….."

"Yeah, I know. It's not the right time. I know," she said sadly.

"Hey, I didn't mean to upset you," he said as he took her into her arms. "It may not be the right time, but if you're pregnant, we'll be okay."

"Really? You're not upset then?" she asked softly.

He came out of the hug, and grasped her hands in his. "What? No, of course I'm not upset. We don't even know if you're pregnant or not yet."

"Yeah, I know. I was just worried what you would think."

"I know, and I will admit this does worry me a bit. But we just have to wait and see and if you're pregnant, we'll deal with it."

"Deal with it?" she asked questioningly.

"That's not what I meant. You know that. I just mean, things will have to change around here, that's all."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed heavily, moving towards the couch. "I don't know. I guess I was just thinking that if we're having a baby, I'd have to quit school and get a…..

"What? No, Ben. You would not have to quit school. That will not happen. It's too important to you…."

"Felicity, if we're having a baby, there is no way we can afford for me to be in school. It just doesn't make sense. I mean, I'd have to provide for you and the baby. I'd have to work."

She sat down beside him, and placed her hand on his knee. "Ben, slow down. We don't even know if I am pregnant. And if I am, what about me? Can I not work, too? We're a family. We do things together."

Ben sighed. "I know. You're right. I think…I don't know. I guess I am getting a bit ahead of myself. I just can't believe this is happening."

"Me either. I didn't plan on this, you know."

Ben touched her hand with his, "Yeah, I know." As he rubbed her hand with his own, he began to calm down a bit. He knew he had overreacted a bit. It was just too much for him right now. _What kind of dad would he be?_

"Look, maybe I should just go see what this test says. It won't take too long, just a couple of minutes."

"Yeah, yeah. That's probably a good idea. See if we even have anything to worry about…or celebrate," he added with a small smile.

She smiled back. "Okay, give me a few minutes."

She got up and went into the bathroom. She decided she was too nervous to sit with Ben while she waited for the test results. Besides, she could tell that he needed some time to think. She hoped he would be happy, no matter what.

Ben heard the bathroom door open, and stood quickly. He moved toward her, and looked at her face closely. "Well?" he asked softly.

She brought her eyes to his, "We're pregnant."

He smiled.


End file.
